Posts Tagged ‘willpower’

PTSD: giving up is the worst decision

Pixabay: mohamed_hassan

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15 years ago when my childhood abuse exploded, I had no idea how life was going to change.

You would of found a different person entirely, depending on the condition of my PTSD.

At my lowest, nervous system completely upside down, shaking uncontrollably at times, life was harsh.

PTSD had clearly won at my lowest. I got lost trying to think my way out. It made things worse, I felt helpless to impact it.

Depends on when we decide to give up. That will decide who wins.

This is when willpower is needed most.

Willpower allowed me to keep trying, keep taking action, even if nothing changed.

I had come to a place where improving may never happen.

Do I give up?

Your dad will win, came a voice from deep inside.

My fathers abuse developed my willpower as a kid.

Ironic that this willpower is what helped heal me.

Our paths and abuse are specific to us, but trauma is stored the same way.

I was shocked how humble then vulnerable I had to be to heal.

That healing of our inner world is both terrifying and soothing at times.

Even if I do not heal, my effort will not wane.

Our soul, core, true self needs to know that level of commitment.

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Things that keep me alive

https://pixabay.com/users/lechenie-narkomanii-3764644/

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I know results are beyond my influence, but effort, the amount of time and energy devoted to healing are not.

We can be frustrated as hell, triggered past frozen, hopeless, but our willpower is still capable of taking action and resisting.

This battle goes unnoticed by regular people. If we need comfort from others for our PTSD, we will suffer.

Realize this is an internal journey, this healing path we have taken.

We may get direction and skills from therapists, books, a group or from a blog, but no one else can heal us.

Many times, I have found myself wiped out, exhausted, emotionally terrorized, my only saving grace, was not giving up.

I Refused to let my father, Bernie win. My Father is my trauma, if I give up he does win.

If we give up our abusers win. I truly believe this.

That phrase saved my ass more than once.

If you want to heal, you must take action, you must go towards the fear.

This is the road less traveled.

Of all those who suffer from PTSD, few travel this road.

Rejoice if you are taking action, trying to heal, being braver than ever before, recognize the effort to be happy in the face of terror.

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