Posts Tagged ‘trauma’

Navigating a traumatized existence



Stating the obvious, we were innocent, helpless kids without the mental or physical abilities to escape or protect ourselves.

For me, healing looks totally different than a normal person.

Everyone talks about how connecting and trusting, having healthy social relationships are part of healing and wellbeing.

I did the opposite. Socially, trusting people was never going to happen except for an inner circle of a few.

For me, isolating from most people, stabilized my nervous system, so I could heal.

I never trusted people, never.

People betraying me, did so much damage after my childhood, I became a loner.

Finding a way to be happy without many attachments was difficult, but the alternative of a loved one betraying me was never an option after college.

I stayed alive, did not commit suicide, got up and created a private world for myself.

I am alive, I survived extreme abuse as a confused, little boy.

Terror followed me, nightmares, sweats, stomach aches, vomiting, anxiety and fear ensued.

Now, when all this explodes life goes back to feeling imminent danger is near, it exists deep inside my memories.

I can not make sense of my life and all the suffering.

Was I born to be a sufferer?

How should I endure a life filled with suffering.

Where is the worth in my life, keeps nagging me for answers

Abused kids can not escape the damage.

Any insight?

Note: I am not advocating isolating, except from your abusers, even if it is a parent until after you improve.



How a Caregiver’s Trauma Can Impact a Child’s Development




When someone experiences trauma, its physical and emotional effects can sometimes impact their children – and this can begin in utero.



You see, during times of stress, the body releases cortisol – and as you know, that’s one of the ways our body helps us cope with physically or emotionally difficult situations.



But when trauma elevates cortisol to unhealthy levels, it can have an epigenetic impact – not only on the client, but on their children as well.



So how can this happen?



Well, we created an infographic you can use with clients to help them visualize how trauma can get passed on through caregivers.


5 Unhealthy Relationship Patterns Childhood Trauma Sets for Us By Darius Cikanavicius, Author, Certified Coach ~ 3 min read





“When we’re born, we don’t have any concept of what a healthy relationship looks like. A small child lacks perspective and the ability to critically evaluate their environment. They also lack independence, by the very nature of being a small, helpless, dependent child, and therefore must accept and justify their relationship with their caregivers in order to survive, no matter how bad that relationship is.


Furthermore, our relationships with our primary caregivers, and our early relationships in general, become blueprints for our future relationships. And so whatever model we are raised with, it will likely become what we will consciously or unconsciously seek in later relationships.


Let’s explore five common relationship models or roles that people adopt as a result of adverse childhood relationships and social environments.

1. Distrustful

People who come from a childhood environment that was chaotic, unpredictable, stressful, or downright abusive often have trust issues later in life. As a result, it is very difficult for them to have fulfilling relationships as an adult.

They tend to think that you can’t trust anyone, that everyone is completely selfish, that nobody would ever care about you, that you can’t rely on anyone and have to do everything yourself, that others will necessarily hurt you, and so on.

They also have difficulties building emotional bonds as it can be very difficult for them to open up, express their feelings, and believe that others have good intentions or are telling the truth.


2. Idealizing

Another relationship dynamic is when you idealize others, especially romantic partners or authorities, and tend to psychologically depend on others.

People who lacked love and attention as children tend to project their fantasies of an ever-loving parent onto significant people later in life. This is in the hope that they will finally have a caregiver who loves them unconditionally and is everything they want them to be.

Such an adult is likely to have a fantasy of what the other person is instead of actually accepting others for who they really are. Here, you are easily infatuated or enamored with the other person, and then gradually become more and more disgruntled and frustrated when you are forced to accept reality that they are not who you want them to be.

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