Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’

Emotions are so confusing, appearing out of memories without any current stimulus.



PTSD brings an emotion, sadness from four decades ago.

It feels real. Is it real?

Sure feels real but it is many decades past.

My mind must be broke.

The mind (PTSD) creates negative emotions from past memories.

Why do they have power in this current space?


Emotions can last as little as three seconds or with PTSD many decades.

Childhood Trauma is emblazoned forever inside our adolescent brains.

Seems that old sadness feels like fake sadness, or stale sadness, not fresh, not applicable to me, now.

I have eliminated some of these old trauma emotions, more to go for us, it seems.

If you give up easy, childhood PTSD will become Satan.



Find a way to increase your desire to heal.



Repetition overcomes thought. Thought is not needed or beneficial when enough repetitions are completed.

A great hitter or concert pianist is not thinking when performing.

It is our ability to let thought go at times, that saves us.

I outworked PTSD the first time it exploded.

Meditating five hours everyday for five years, it was a battle to the death inside my mind.

I meditated til thought finally stopped for brief moments. Not for the faint at heart ♥️ approach. My gallows humor. ☠️

You have to find what works for you.

If you find meditation difficult, pick a hobby you can engross yourself for hours. One follower does intricate bead work of exceptional quality.

Take your breath into your safe space and amplify wellbeing.

Next, let all negative emotions fade, grasp the positive ones with exuberance, then release.

Do not let anger, resentment, jealousy, hate etc. occupy space or time inside our mind.

Be aware of what the mind grasps.

Being present, in observer mode, empty of thought, focused on what my eyes see, eliminates worry, doubt and anxiety.

Thought brings so many negative emotions and consequences.

Learn to focus on five breaths intently. With five slow breaths we can always center quickly.

Being able to center and let go, let’s us see reality, clears the fog of trauma thought.

Practice short focus exercises, then apply at ever opportunity.

Find a way to increase your desire to heal.

Then take action, this step is essential.



The Craziness of PTSD: my biased opinion



PTSD is irrational by definition, it defies common sense and reality.

Decades old events exert power over today, our life.

I realize the turmoil is internal, inside my mind and body. PTSD is stored in the right amygdala and in our bodies.

This stored trauma erroneously spots present danger. In fact, a good part of our focus is spotting imminent danger.

We are experts compared to normal people. Normal people use that time we waste spotting fake danger, to attach and enjoy life.

We start to live life in survival mode, like we are a prison guard surrounded by real danger everyday.

Perception is reality. Look at the election, some think it was stolen and others thought it was fair.

So old trauma thoughts without external power have great influence on our life today.

Does that not seem incredible! Our defense mechanism becomes our main tormentor.

It’s broke, it’s called PTSD!.

I know my main trigger holds no real danger, in fact it is a neutral event.

The damage had to be severe, it had to threaten our life or our “Ego” with imminent danger.

Violence and abuse are culprits. Abandonment and humiliation can threaten our “Ego” with annihilation.

Something inside preferred death to humiliation at times.

I know that was my “Ego” feeling that way, not my true self.

Humiliation is a judgment. The same event does not humiliate everyone.

I can accept feeling humiliated or let it go as an erroneous judgment.

My choice, your choice!

In observer mode, humiliation is rare. Judgment is rare in observer mode.

PTSD is rare in observer mode.

I meditate to increase my ability to live in observer mode.

This solves many issues without thought.

All we can do, is our best. No goals just all out effort and a great attitude brings some wellbeing.



I joined a free online 30 minute Meditation Group

Jennifer Lakhmi Chand Kelly

Yoga & Meditation Teacher, Functional Nutrition, Reiki Master, Sound Healer, Hypnotherapist



Since leaving the Zen center, I have been doing my own meditative practice. Recently I joined a unique meditation group that has expanded my PTSD centered practice.

Jennifer leads the group with a deep base of practice and study into kundalini yoga and the Suttras.

She uses the flame of a candle as a focus object for part of the period. We also move our hands at times scooping up healing water as a haunting chant plays in the background.

I was surprised how easy it was to focus with my eyes open, locked onto that dancing flame.

She gives great insight while connecting to our inner light. I have to admit, it feels great having someone else lead the group.

My mind feels much better after her class. My 30 minute meditative sit afterwards, let’s me appreciate the silence I took for granted.

There is a collective healing energy that happens when you sit together.

I highly recommend checking this out. Here are the details:

Topic: 40 Day Meditation Join Zoom Meeting:

Meeting ID: 229 287 318

Jennifer Lakhmi Chand Kelly began her journey when she became pregnant with her oldest son in 1998. During her pregnancy she was introduced to whole food nutrition, homeopathy, herbs, essential oils and kundalini yoga. The experience was so transformative that it changed her life path.

She left a 16 year career in film and TV to become a Post Partum Doula, Kundalini Yoga Teacher, Reiki Master, Functional Nutritional Wellness Specialist, Certified Hypnotherapist, Wellness Life Coach and is CARE Certified in Raindrop and Vitaflex Technique.

Today she owns and operates The Yogi Tree Center for Growth in Toluca Lake, CA and Healing Talents bringing the gift of yoga, nutrition and wellness to the LA area.



Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.” (PTSD)

Pixabay: www_slon_pics



“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. . . .

Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”

—Bessel van der Kolk



My two cents: Let the storyline fade away, take the breath to the middle of the unrest, the body sensations.

Know where trauma manifests in your body.

Know where fear and anger reside, become familiar with the body sensations.

Does anger and fear manifest in the same spot?

We spend so much time worrying, doubting and fearing, why not connect these emotions with body sensations.

Mine manifest in my solar plexus.

That big cortisol jolt, paralyzes the center of my chest, violently.

My fight or flight roares with a vengeance when triggered.



How to minimize Dissociation



The most damaging PTSD symptom is Dissociation, leaving this present moment in thought, entering the past or future.

This is jet fuel for trauma. Any skill we can develop to stay present brings improvement.

Here are a few grounding exercises: Pick out a visual subject, maybe a flower, a building or a picture. Study it in detail for thirty seconds.

Now draw as much detail as you can remember. Yes, we did not study our object like we can.

Now do it again, see how much deeper you view the object the second time. We look but really do not see, a lot.

I practice being observer. Going in a public place, I observe people and try not to judge. If I judge, I vacate the judgment, then reset. This takes practice.

I use my eyes to be present. I look closely, in detail, to the landscape in front of me. Maybe a mountain, trees or a interior wall, but all of them exist only in this moment.

Exercise: Oh yes, I have used aerobic exercise for many benefits.

When my mind is frozen from trauma fears, my legs can still move, gaining achievement and exhilaration. My mind gets to share my bodies achievement, expelling of poissons and aerobic focus.

Next, practice entering mundane chores everyday. Slow your movements, focus. Preparing a meal, I become the knife slicing the vegetables,

Let time fade away, we are preparing the best meal with current ingredients.

The second highest person in a Zen center is the cook.

Watch a Zen Buddhist monk, see his deliberate movement, mindfully orchestrated.

Thoughts hardly tempt these superstar meditators. Staying present has become an easy habit for them.

Yes, meditation will help heal our PTSD.

Takes daily practice. PTSD practices daily in my head.


Body and Mind: a partnership



Let’s look at life in a different way. We are granted a body at birth, sometimes parents are part of the package. A mind comes with that body, the organ that will decide if we find wellbeing, suffering or something in between.

The body deteriorates at a much faster pace than the mind in normal times. Think of the needs of your body, then your mind.

The body is never satisfied for long, desires are never fulfilled for long. Constantly fulfilling desire leads to addiction not wellbeing.

The greatest meal on earth keeps hunger pains away for maybe 8 or 10 hours. One meal does not sustain us forever.

I mean look how often we need oxygen, four breathes a minute, every 15 seconds of so.

Then the body starts deteriorating if we reach maturity. We wither and die, no one has escaped.

What does the mind need. Well it uses 25% of the bodies oxygen and is dépendant on the body being healthy.

The mind has the option of grasping our desires, then judging success or failure on how we fulfill them.

The mind can also discount the Ego’s needs, making decisions in an unbiased observer mode.

Wellbeing happens when these two forces are balanced.

We have to fulfill certain desires but we need balance and perspective.

One banana split is wonderful, the second damn good, the third brings stomach pains.

Substitute drugs, alcohol, sex, power, status or approval for the banana split.

More desire does not quench desire, it promulgates more and more.

“Happiness does not come from having much, but from being attached to little.”

—Venerable Cheng Yen!!!



PTSD’s schedule



PTSD has its own schedule, seemingly its own power source and strong stress hormones.

A trigger can explode at any time releasing cortisol, adrenaline and Norepinephrine into our blood stream.

High anxiety ensues.

The breath has great influence on our nervous system.

Until we learn to dissipate a trigger firing, we are at PTSD’s mercy.

I use ten, slow, focused breaths to accomplish this task.

Let the storyline fade, feel where your triggers manifest in the body.

Take your breath into the middle of your body sensation.

Know your fears physical manifestations.

Mine always jolts my solar plexus.



Demystifying Meditation for Depression and PTSD



Take the robes, lineage and all the rules out of your meditation practice. Our goal is not enlightenment, it is improving, healing or wellbeing.

I may meditate for 30 minutes but my goal is to focus on ten breaths with very specific intention. How, you may ask?

We use a combination of our senses. Thought is the enemy, thinking is the opposite of meditating. Actually these two actions happen in different hémisphères of the brain.

So let’s start: Visually; I use a model a continuum so getting lost in the pauses becomes much harder. There are visual models, the boxed breath and my breathing track. I also monitor what my eyes see with eyelids closed.

Auditory: A plethora of stimulus here. Pick out the quietest sound in the room, then go beneath it. Listen for the sound of your inhales and exhales. For me, I hear my inhales and exhales, as my focus stays inside my nostrils. For those experienced, a symphony plays inside our head, listen inside your ears.

Tactile: During the pauses, internal noise stops, it is a special opportunity to search for agitation, tightness, fear in the body. Focus on your inner world, intently. I , also focus on my third eye, or my upper lip close to my nostrils, feeling the cool inhales pass followed by the warmer exhale.

Smell: At the zen center form was important, incense and repeating phrases were staples. Incense can tell the brain it is time to meditate.

Mindset: No goals. We influence nothing, try to exert no energy, we observe and focus. We always set for others first.

Again, we are the ultimate observer, detached from thought and judgment, existing totally in this moment, unencumbered by the past.

We let thought clear, and hold an empty, focused space so our mind and body can repair as neuroscience tells us.

Know that ten focused breaths can deliver us to a no thought space, and active meditation. Once we are there time stops and the body repairs itself.


Inhale starts at bottom right corner traveling up and to the left.



PTSD (trauma), Memory and Our “Ego”

Pixabay: trilemedia
Normal kids have good memories, solid attachments, support.

Abused kids have nightmares for memories. When we close our eyes, we see a real boogie man, our abuser

Even now, at 69, letting my mind wander into memory has awful consequences.

Life is a battle, constantly letting go of bad memories, coming back to this minute.

I can win that battle if my PTSD is inside my window of tolerance.

Twice in my life, when an old trauma exploded, my window of tolerance disappeared. Intrusive thoughts overwhelmed my being for a couple of months.

Memories can trigger our nervous system or support other triggers firing.

Remember, while meditating, we hook up to our divine self, our core, our true self, our soul.

It is the shining light of power for our being.

It is perfect, everyday since birth.

Abused kids, it is our “Ego” that is severely flawed not our true self, our soul.

With my old trauma exploding recently, I see how damaged my “Ego” is.

Subconsciously, he has always felt so unworthy, a failure, unredeemable, to his core.

Much of this is below consciousness and remains there without inner exploration.

I have been unaware of many habits, carrying a damaged “Ego” is my greatest failure.

That is shame!

Since we create our “Ego” my plight is not permanent.

We can change our “Ego”

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