Posts Tagged ‘surviving’

Opening my Heart: Chaos ensues Quickly! .



Everyday the online meditation teacher instructs us to open our hearts, open that clenched fist, let the fear, betrayal, worry and doubt come out.

Wow. I find this exercise releases a barrage of chaos for me.

I enjoy hearing others rejoice as they peruse their childhoods and heartfelt experiences.

My experience has a much darker tone. I cringe and my stomach convulses, my heart contains much different data than them.

Trying to accept and eventually surrender to my demons has been emotionally and physically draining.

It hurts reliving my past, what my heart has stored.

Hard to tell which way I am headed in the middle of this.

My intentions are towards healing, facing what has torn my life apart.

It is our unknown.

Will we ever enjoy peace of mind?

I can not answer that, results are not guaranteed.

If this does not work, I will find something else.

We have to learn to accept the suffering abuse causes everyday for us.

I can not be happy now, anticipating how I will be completely healed one day.

Happiness only exists right now, this moment.

So accepting my trauma let’s me enjoy pieces of my life as happy, today.



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