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PTSD feels like a heavy weight, a dark blanket of sadness.
A force applying pressure downward numbing my being.
When my symptoms momentarily subside, I feel lightness return.
I notice the difference, the feeling, the emotional freedom.
I have worked hard to heal, and to be aware of my symptoms traits, strengths, and weaknesses.
When PTSD and depression are active, my waking hours are filled with turmoil, anxiety, and danger.
Desire and opportunity disappear from consciousness, we return to some form of survivor mode.
Survivor mode shuts down parts of the brain, some executive functions while activating our defense mechanism.
Survival replaces desire. Or maybe our greatest desire is to survive above all other desires.
Desire needs a safe place to exist.
PTSD never feels safe to us.
After childhood, we do not trust the world, we fear what may happen to us next.
Maybe this is why we lack direction, confidence, and self-worth.
Survival mode has no direction, it is best used sparingly for a crisis.
Daily use is terrible for our health and emotional sanity.
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