https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/
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Hiding deep under all conscious thought or memory, I have discovered hard wired core beliefs.
In childhood, functioning in survivor mode, fear of loss and failure was a constant threat from my father.
Now, I find my nervous system occupied with perceived threats, every situation seems to contain a chance of failure. This feeling of danger has stealthily impacted my nervous system and existence.
My fight or flight mechanism does not fire full throttle but the worry of impending failure lives on.
My nervous system never relaxes in a crowd, never feels safe and secure, always wants to escape perceived danger.
All of these worries happen quickly without thought. It precedes thought, I have discovered.
Danielle Young, LPC, NCC writes:
“The thinking brain begins to dim, similar to that of a light switch, and instead our trauma brain or survival brain, begins to brighten. When that light dims, we loose the ability to use these skills effectively. Our survival brain reacts impulsivity in order to maintain self-preservation; it’s tells us that using the executive functioning skills will take too much time to process the information and that safety cannot be guaranteed. The survival brain is trying to keep us alive, but it can make everything feel much more difficult.”
A hybrid survival mode brain has thrived under my normal functioning thinking brain.
All the chances of wellbeing are lost in survival mode.
It has taken years of inner exploration, meditating, to uncover this dysfunctional mode of living.
I think this is the final peeling of the onion, my PTSD core strength is hidden in survival mode.
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