Posts Tagged ‘Purpose’

What is the Purpose of Life?

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What is the purpose of life?

First, abused kids purpose will be drastically different than a normal kids.

We are separated at birth, an abused kids life will have more early death, cancer, addiction, pain, suffering, and mental illness.

It’s like as kids we were on different planets, one supportive and one abusive, damaging.

I have never had a purpose of my own, my dad and mom told me who I was and what I would be, a pro baseball player.

That ended at 27, I have been wandering ever since.

I have friends who are happy to lucky, life is an adventure, and their purpose is evident for them.

They live a life I am not familiar with.

Purpose has a hard time living in a container of trauma, fear, and anxiety.

Purpose becomes trying to survive, trying to diminish pain, trying to be normal.

Living is painful, I suffer enough that life feels worthless.

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This years dance performance

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The kid on his head is my grandson, Brighton.

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what a ham.

The girls love him. It’s better than T. V.

Is their Purpose in our PTSD suffering, meaning?

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I asked my therapist about me finding meaning or purpose in my suffering. He chuckled, amazed that I thought there was a meaning for my suffering, that it even mattered in recovery.

Must be a disconnect between theory and reality.

My suffering in childhood did not lead to any joyful moments, did not lead to me becoming something special. Life was painful, I felt unworthy, hopeless and depressed.

I find a horrific meaning, a terrible result, a life of pain. Where is the good in all of this?

It escapes my feeble traumatized brain. I did nothing to cause my abuse, so finding purpose seems very strange.

This great epiphany of meaning and purpose has eluded me, my trauma ruined my life, if that was the purpose, it succeeded.

oh yes, I know it was not me, it was others mental frailties and issues that caused my Trauma, but the the suffering was mine alone.

Knowing my PTSD is not my fault does nothing to make it better or help me lessen the pain.

my therapist did say this quarantine has exacerbated all his trauma clients and especially his complex PTSD patients.

He said it will get worse before improving, so set expections.

I am one of the lucky ones. I can resist and take action

“We need to live with less complaints and more gratitude.” Pinterest

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When PTSD is active, life changes, thought patterns simplify.

The habitual traumatic event is the only movie playing. Over and over the torment haunts us.

How do we handle this unfair life?

What do we do for attitude, effort, and hope?

For me, I know I am luckier than most with childhood PTSD. I have tools and willpower.

Most childhood abuse (C-PTSD) ends in addiction, prostitution, aberrant behavior, disease, shorter life span and suffering.

Most severely abused kids are incapable of taking action, facing their fears (abuse) or improving.

Venture on to the PTSD discussion boards and witness the flailing and suffering . The opposite of healing is going on, victimhood is celebrated in such a public dysfunctional way.

It is extremely sad.

22 vets have committed suicide everyday for last three years, while PTSD surges beyond epidemic rates.

Think of the massive amount of PTSD that grips those living in the war zones our soldier have fought in.

I am lucky. If you follow this blog, I think you are lucky because your looking to heal.

Searching still, you have not given up.

We have the willpower and courage to look for healing and look to take action.

I know happiness and trauma are inside me.

Everyday I connect to that inner guide and search for improvement, a better life.

I can resist with every molecule in my body, that along with not giving up has carved a small space that I live inside.

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New Years Resolution for PTSD

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Do you want to heal (improve)? How badly, I would ask?

Our trauma patterns, our everyday habits, will not change with half ass effort.

Will not change, if we give up when things get difficult.

Our resolution has to be a dedicated daily effort or PTSD wins easily.

Do we need to add courage as part of our resolution?

Definitely we need willpower, the desire to heal has to Outwiegh our fears.

Part of our resolution has to include taking action with our new direction.

Next, write it down, display it in plain view. Hold yourself accountable, keep a daily journal.

We will need skills. Research and practice. Meditation/Mindfulness was my cornerstone of daily effort and healing.

Lastly, we need purpose.

Our purpose must be unwavering, trauma brings imminent danger when confronted.

Realize this journey is arduous and scary, purpose must be bulletproof.

Start with a daily affirmation, repeated, recorded, and played back throughout the day.

This is such an easy way to jump start self image and attitude.

In this moment, right now I feel my body overflowing with kindness, approval and safety.”

Customize your resolution, add the words that mean something to you. Love is a word that does not connect for me, kindness and approval come across as organic and soothing.

What I control: If I get up each day with a good attitude and give all out effort, then I have done my best.

There is satisfaction and wellbeing in this effort alone.

I can not guarantee results but attitude and effort, I do control.

Assess what you control, place effort into these actions.

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Meditation actually promotes the growth of new brain tissue

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from “The Transformation: Discovering Wholeness and Healing after Trauma”

“Meditation enhances functioning in the hippocampus, a crucial structure for quieting agitations and consolidating memory.

As you meditate, you also repair the brain connections that trauma has ruptured and rebuild brain tissue that has been damaged and destroy.

In recent years, researchers such as Harvard Sarah Lazaro and Brittany Holzel have repeatedly shown that meditation actually promotes the growth of new brain tissue in areas of the frontal cortex that trauma often damages, areas responsible for self awareness, thoughtful judgment, and compassion.”

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My two cents: I healed the first time in small increments from multiple skills and practices.

Having a skill that can grow new brain tissue in trauma damaged areas, along with better self-regulation, enhanced memory, clearer thinking, greater ability to deal with life’s stresses, seems quite valuable.

What therapy or healing skill has more impact than this?

Meditating was my anchor, my greatest healing asset.

Meditating brought me a peace of mind, I never experienced before, a calm knowing.

I strive to regain that calm.

New Years resolution coming. Have you ever changed a habit?

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Politics have always been a battle between _______

Jaws” released by Universal Studios in 1975 directed by Steven Spielberg

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The year 1975, the place Amity Island, the battle is the same as now, profit (economy) versus safety. Who wins?

 

Indecision or greed costs lives then and now.

 

The masses rarely have insight into the real danger, the scope of their privileged decisions at our expense..

 

Maybe, why some think used car salesman have more integrity than politicians.

 

Hard to think a spiritual leader like the 14th Dalai Lama in Washington politics.

 

A human being who has devoted his life to having less “Ego” and more equanimity, would not waste his life in politics.

 

Greed, status and power have no foundation in his life.

 

Even my humble spiritual journey sees politics as a cesspool of ultimate power!

 

Politics attracts huge “Egos” competing for status, power and legacy.

 

Happiness seems rare in this backstabbing environment.

 

Mard Gras this year is an example:   https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/13/us/coronavirus-new-orleans-mardi-gras.html

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Can we not worry, not think?

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Similar to not thinking, trying to not worry is near impossible.

An example: On the tee at a short par three, one of my buddies shouts out, don’t worry about that water.

It is impossible to not think about that water. During my backswing or right before I hit the ball, the anxiety about the water impacts me.

We can not, not think, not worry, or not doubt, but we can focus and take action. Back to that tee box, I visualize my fight path and landing zone.

Now I can do that, focus and absorp the current moment. That water gets no attention when I focus intently on something else.

Look at how professional athletes stay focused and calm under extreme pressure with millions watching.

Put a superstar athlete under tremendous pressure and you will see a gem.

Place Michael Jordan, Tom Brady or a Lionel Messi under extreme scrutiny and you will see a transformational performance.

They thrive when you force them to focus more intently.

Their minds are calm, like they see things in slow motion from their intensity.

They also have supreme confidence and trust they will prevail.

Doubt does not exist when you get enthralled in the present moment, whether competing for a Super Bowl or just meditating alone at home.

We do not have to be superstars to focus and eliminate negative thought and emotion.

We only need to focus on our breath, on our purpose and our actions.

Live in the moment, do not entertain thoughts like, can I do this for a month. Suffering follows negative thought and judgment.

Just be ok right now and leave it alone.

We need to use our minds to help not hinder us.

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Purpose needs a plan

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When I get lost, caught up in my “Egos” personal upset at someone’s behavior, I have a plan.

When a trigger fired in the past, I had a plan?

Are you prepared when things turn bad?

My plan was based on my purpose.

As Matthew Ricard has opined, our purpose on this planet is to live a happy life (wellbeing).

That means establishing a long gratitude list. It takes time (action) to sit down and create a gratitude list. One bloggers has over 200 things she is grateful for. Special attention is given to the small, maybe minute things that we overlook.

Next my capacity to give is expanded, my awareness of those having less grows exponentially. When I am down, making an effort to give to another shifts my focus from my “Ego” to mindful concerns.

I realize happiness in not an isolated experience. I can not be happy owning a gold toilet as the masses starve outside my plush mansion.

Realize inside our plan, we are all on this journey together, not in competition, not in scarcity.

My plan always had actions, physical and mental actions to return to now, this moment. Doing nothing enhances suffering.

Running, avoiding our fight or flight mechanism is not a plan.

Our plan always involves letting go of the narrative. Followed by observation of our body sensations.

My plan always prioritized the wellbeing of my inner world, not the external 🌍 world.

Handle the small internal things and the external cabal will lose power.

Remember the basic building block of neuroscience, “What fires together wires together.”

Where we place our attention grows, and where we withhold attention withers and dies.

Let the noise flow on through, use the focus we have worked diligently to build to stay present.

It is the journey that is all important not the destination (goal).

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Do you welcome Adversity as a challenge or a punishment?

e: Bob Beamon of the USA leaps a record-breaking 29ft 2.5in (8.9m) at the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico City © Tony Duffy/Getty Images

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Adversity uncovers strengths and weaknesses, character and character flaws.

 

Adversity brings fear to some, an opportunity to others.

 

Without adversity my life would be hollow.

 

Adversity has given me the greatest satisfaction and purpose in my life.

 

Athletically, it is my weekly anchor. Pushing this chronic pain filled body, four miles, to near exhaustion, invigorates my spirit.

 

It flushes poisons, gains accomplishment which is shared with my mind.

 

Pushing beyond wanting to quit, beyond pain, exerting great effort, is the most alive I feel.

 

I am in the moment, all focus on picking up one leg, followed by the other, thought has ceased, Worry and doubt have long left the building.

 

Challenge yourself, push beyond your perceived limits.

 

Without adversity how could you ever know what you are capable of.

 

Extend those false boundaries, push, risk, exert.

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