Posts Tagged ‘narcissist’

The Mayo Clinic shares this:

https://pixabay.com/users/couleur-1195798/

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“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you’re not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.”

Recent studies have shown that 6% of the population have experienced clinical NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) at some point in their lives. But many more experience non-clinical symptoms.

From my work, I believe that narcissism is far more prevalent than this, and adult children of narcissists are all around us, yet they don’t know it or recognize it because they aren’t taught about this disorder or hear about it in the normal course of their lives.

There’s much to say about the damaging effects of narcissism, but I’d like to focus today on how it effects us in our careers.

Below are the hallmarks and signs that you might have been raised by a narcissist and learned some damaging lessons from it. But I need to share that it’s critical for your well-being that you don’t turn around and begin blaming (and hating) your parents if indeed they are/were narcissists. Everyone is doing the best they can in life, and their disorder most likely stems from their own damaging childhood and upbringing that was in need of healing, which they never received.

So we’re not blaming here, but shedding light on this critical problem so that if you’ve suffered from being raised by a narcissist, you can recognize the problem immediately, get some help, and navigate through the challenges successfully.

Below are the nine traits of narcissism outlined in the powerful book Will I Ever Be Good Enough, by Dr. Karyl McBride (which I’m finding extremely helpful). A true narcissist will have some of these traits, not all, and these traits are on a spectrum with varying degrees to which these will be demonstrated:

The narcissist personality:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance, e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.

3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high status people (or institutions).

4. Requires excessive admiration.

5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of her.

9. Shows arrogance, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

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They feel that they do not have the right to exist.

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Children of narcissist emerge from the crucible with a common and most serious problem.

They feel that they do not have the right to exist.

Their selves have been twisted out of their natural shape since any movement toward independence is treated as a Betrayal and something that can cause the parent irreparable harm.

The narcissistic parents philosophy of rationalized self interest prevents the child from understanding why he feels guilty about having autonomous motives.

The narcissistic parents principal, “you don’t count,” means the child’s effort to be seen as an individual is worthy of consideration if only for trying to understand that her problems are felt by the parent to be an act of treason.

The child’s move towards autonomy is greeted by the parents pain, resentment and anger, from which the child learns that becoming a separate person is wrong.

A narcissist attempts to define his children’s reality.

He tells them what they are feeling and thinking, in contradiction to what they really do feel and think.

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My two cents: Reading in a book about not feeling the right to be alive, shocked me.

I was not the only one.

A narcissist isolates you as much as possible so he/she can have total control.

I see why knowing my identity is so confusing.

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