Posts Tagged ‘MINDFULNESS’

19 Jun

Our PTSD has Patterns

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/48695239710690388/

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A couple days ago my PTSD reacted to external stimulus, one of those invalidating discussions with a friend.

No, my fight or flight did not erupt, my nervous system revs up some, nothing scary or intimidating.

The irrational thinking part of PTSD takes over. This is my main culprit.

This is my pattern.

A battle between letting the crap go versus engaging the trauma begins.

We have to find reality in the midst of all the PTSD symptoms.

For me, I play defense, refuse to make decisions, discount the anger and unworthiness that PTSD offers.

When intrusive thoughts flow, anxiety arrives and cognitive functions become confusing.

We get lost and suffer.

What is real life and what is trauma? Takes time and practice to decipher this riddle.

In a couple of days the horizon clears back to our PTSD normal.

I always come back, never get lost for long now.

For me, this is most freedom available, being able to navigate PTSD when it erupts.

I have lost my guilt around my abuse, this is a soothing accomplishment.

I take daily action, try to heal a little each day.

Never give up, never give in, this is our challenge.

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14 Jun

Childhood PTSD: a moment to moment battle for our sanity

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/414190496988225976/

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Healing from childhood PTSD looks much different than we expect.

Our wellbeing is a moment to moment battle to stay present, letting trauma thoughts flow on through without impact.

Each day presents a new challenge, a new twist, a new trigger.

The inner critic formed from childhood abuse is a different animal, created before the brain can diminish his/her strength. It is like an inner critic on steroids, he/she has always occupied prime real estate inside our Brain.

No, childhood PTSD does not evaporate, early trauma happens before the brain develops. This hard wiring needs constant vigilance, constant awareness or suffering develops.

Now, the strongest part of my PTSD is my inner voices.

He starts that snowball rolling down that PTSD hill, grasping unworthy offerings by the inner critic.

When I grasp that inner voice of unworthiness, a train of negative storylines is given life.

My gratitude and giving work is sabotaged, the inner voice undermines all our efforts.

This is a subconscious, stealthy inner voice, part unworthy Ego and part victim, it is the only jet fuel PTSD has left.

I do not know if healing is possible but calming this culprit will bring relief.

We must have hope and take daily action or we will suffer.

This challenge from our birth is not something we can ignore.

Childhood PTSD will take our life if we let the inner critic thrive.

Others will never understand the battle we face, that is another challenge we must come to grips with.

We are much different, our life does not resemble a normal life, our thoughts are weaponized around childhood abuse and the development of our brain.

We need to support each other and take daily action.

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13 Jun

Inner Critic Work

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , .


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Inner voices and the inner critic are the focus of my recovery now.

Pixabay johnhain

Old habits like self shaming, having a critical relationship with myself, and self sabotage are at the core of my PTSD.

Simple phrases like, We are mature now, We are safe, We are worthy, We are loved, calm the wounded child.

I was abused in childhood not flawed, not unworthy, and not damaged at my core.

After a week of work on my inner voices, glimpses of value and acceptance have appeared.

With all the healing work done in the last decade, my inner critic is the piece that fuels my PTSD.

Worthlessness springs from these inner voices, they are the culprit.

On my healing journey, I improved in small increments, using many therapies and techniques.

Childhood PTSD presents the greatest trauma challenge for a therapist, it is not a single event that happened after the brain developed.

Childhood Trauma is like an octopus entwined around our brain development, looking from the inside it is hard for us to determine what is mind and what is trauma.

Our inner critic is formed before we become aware, before some parts of the brain develop to handle trauma efficiently.

The inner critic is part of us, so we need to soothe him and make him safe and secure first.

This is the way out of survivor mode.

Thoughts?
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1 Jun

Different times

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , .

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https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/322640760812104156/

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Goodness this is so true, we are addicted to our phones, technology .

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https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/144959681728330436/

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Funny concept these days.

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https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/13440498877944316/

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Thoughts have been my downfall, judgments, comparisons, complaints, etc.

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31 May

I always thought my inner child was the weakest most damaged part of me

Posted by Marty in My Favorites. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/4574037110564549/

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Childhood trauma has this extra dimension, an inner child who had to navigate abuse while the brain was not developed. We can integrate all the trauma we experienced and still our hardwiring is unchanged.

I saw my abused inner child, as vulnerable and weak, the origin of all the PTSD. My thought was it needed fixing, repaired, made over.

Shifting my focus away from trauma and triggers into functioning in this moment, has brought a massive change in how I see my inner child.

Without knowing it, in a response I wrote to the last post, my inner child became the strongest, bravest part of me.

My inner child had the fewest tools, was the most vulnerable part of my life but he survived the greatest abuse, childhood.

Instead of a meek coward, he navigated his way into adulthood with great strength. As an adult I see he survived where mature Marty would of failed.

Is this thinking outside the box or just Awareness being a reward for my inner exploration?

That inner child had strengths others did not have. He could endure intense pain and still take action.

My inner child developed incredible willpower and never gave up in the face of hardship.

What a paradigm shift from victim to my leading freedom fighter.

Now my challenge is to soothe that inner child in current situations, reparent in a way.

Again, this approach is trying to not handle my trauma, it is about functioning now, in this situation, this moment.

I have danced around the inner child numerous times and have written posts in the past, but something was different this time.

I never thought my inner child was the bravest part of my life.

My perceived weakness might be my biggest strength in reality.

How about you?

Your inner child helped you survive also.

He/She maybe your ultimate strength, not the damaged mess we perceive.

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30 May

Intrusive thoughts brought suffering for me

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/45599014967974172/

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Intrusive thoughts have been the PTSD symptom that has haunted me. This symptoms activates many of the other symptoms we suffer from.

The last few days intrusive thoughts have all but left the building, changing all my focus to functioning in the present moment has alleviated that concern for now.

What a wonderful gift in itself.

No, I am not healed but the mind can be approached in many more ways than I thought.

My first priority was to calm the fight or flight mechanism.

Then all the fun begins fighting to get our lives back.

Many times we are not even close to working on what needs to be integrated.

PTSD is so irrational and confusing at times, we need direction and tools to navigate.

Try my new approach, leave the past alone, focus on this present moment and work on that behavior, our reactions to people and situations.

Intrusive thoughts have a hard time penetrating when we assume this posture.

If something has stopped working, adapt, pivot and try something new.

I have found taking risks with therapy is a must from time to time.

Childhood trauma will not be healed by a therapist, I can assure you of that.

I have done the vast majority of my healing alone.

Take a step back and evaluate your healing path, make changes and reapply maximum effort.

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30 May

Non-profit Mission 22 donates high-tech stress prevention systems to vets with PTSD

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , .

https://pixabay.com/users/alexas_fotos-686414/

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By Morgan Phillips

Mission 22, a non-profit organization that provides treatment programs for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and suicide awareness and prevention, has partnered with Solace Lifesciences, to donate its 100th pack of NuCalm, a high-tech stress relief technology to veterans in need. 

NuCalm is a neuroscience technology that aims to relieve stress through a disc that is placed on the inside of the left wrist on the Pericardium 6 acupressure point. The disc reportedly sends signals to activate the brain’s natural relaxation system by interrupting your adrenaline response.

Solace Lifesciences has donated almost $500,000 worth of NuCalm to Mission 22 to distribute to veteran.

Mission 22 partners with numerous organizations across the U. S. to raise awareness on veterans issues, bring veterans into its treatment programs, and create resources in their communities.

 “For many vets, PTS  doesn’t go away over time; it can disrupt their lives for years, decades, their lifetime,” founder and former Green Beret Magnus Johnson said in a statement.

A pack of 20 NuCalm discs retails for $80, and a pack of 60 retails for $240. 

“Once the brain is traumatized, physiological and biochemical changes occur that keep the person in a constant state of “fight-or-flight” and hypervigilance. It is impossible to heal and recover in this state, which makes NuCalm’s ability to create deep relaxation, cellular restoration, and recovery so important for the healing process,” Jim Poole, President and CEO of Solace Lifesciences, said in a statement.

“Within minutes NuCalm puts the brakes on the stress response, with ease, without drugs, and on-demand.”

 The Department of Veterans Affairs began actively tracking the number of veteran suicides per year in 2005. While the numbers for 2019 and 2020 have not yet been finalized, the 2005-2018 total stands at over 80,000.

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My two cents: Meditation, focus on the breath does the same thing , along with many other benefits.

Meditation is free, needs no batteries and is always with us.

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16 May

PTSD: Awareness of my masculinity was the problem

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/211174969350714/

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My therapists have helped me improve, cared about me getting better, but PTSD still persisted, life was a mine field.

This week my spiritual teacher, at no cost, uncovered a crucial factor impacting my life.

Underlying all my trauma was this identity my father pounded into me, being a man. How to act, how to always be strong, how to never show weakness, was the alpha male model I developed.

This rigid male character looked powerful on the surface, underneath was a cauldron of fear and panic. How I was taught to interact with other men was the problem.

Over a decade of therapy and no mention of toxic masculinity, as I suffered, defending that image of manhood.

As stated in the last post, my gloom and doom disappeared, the unexpected consequence was my current dealings with living.

A neighbors questionable action upset my household this week. My first response, my old masculinity wanted to confront this neighbor with force.

That kind of response was so natural, I did not even think about it, almost reflexive.

That light bulb went off again, a response was not warranted, I finally needed to prove nothing. As I realized this fact, all the conflict and anxiety dropped away.

I wanted to heal from old trauma, never thought about how that would change today’s interactions.

All that therapy and the important issue of toxic masculinity never surfaced.

I thought my healing journey was exhaustive, reading and devouring everything about childhood PTSD.

How did I miss this integral part?

I worked on “Ego”, recreating and affirming a worthy new one.

My own flawed masculinity always was in control, stealthily but firmly in charge.

So many of my issues have softened with this big shift away from being some crazy alpha male stud.

My main two therapist have helped me on my journey and I am grateful.

Blaming others was part of my toxic masculinity.

It is the fear of our “Ego” being annihilated.

That can not happen but I feared the hell out of it.

I could not let this demon go, until my spiritual teacher pointed it out.

Awareness was the gift she bestowed on me and I am grateful.

Never give up, never give in, always take action in the face of fear.

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13 May

The male Ego and Trauma

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .

https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/

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My insecurities living up to the male ego my father demanded, caused so much anxiety and fear.

Being a man meant never showing weakness, hiding emotions and being prepared to respond to any threat with force.

I was not the man of my father wishes, I was far from the alpha male, superstar he envisioned.

Navigating life was difficult, failure lurked around every corner. Worry and fear of failure entered my mind at every turn.

I could not be seen as weak, never could back down, and my nervous system and stomach bore the brunt of living like this.

All that fear of failure made an anxious, scared boy.

My spiritual teacher pointed out this toxic masculinity, said it was a prison of my own construct.

I see that finally. My dad was not a brave man, never went to bars or fought another man, he was a giant beating my ass half to death.

He wanted me to be the man he never was. That is extremely sad, his weaknesses caused my trauma.

All that suffering, and most of my trauma happened to that toxic “Ego”, the man I was supposed to be.

I find that it is easy for me to let that toxic “Ego” go, release it and all trauma it collected.

It is like a big weight has lifted for a couple of days.

Moral of story: I have been suffering lately and it has felt helpless, but we never give up, this is part of our journey, our challenge.

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13 May

my therapist steers me back to the Emotional Freedom Technique

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.juliaanastasiou.com/holistic-therapies/emotional-freedom-technique/

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My therapist has me digging up my EFT experience. He recommends more physical, more rhythmic, more action tools to counter Intrusive thought.

The tapping combines action with words thus occupying my mind thoroughly. At times witching T.V. I play solitaire to occupy my mind.

Solitaire takes no thought, so multitasking with a movie stops intrusive thought, or any thought for a while.

This is a technique we can master and practice at home.

The more tools we possess, the chance for wellbeing increases.

My set up is: Even thought I was betrayed, my masculinity is safe and secure.

This set up has to resonate for each one of us.

Here is a how to on EFT on u-tube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU

Somethings may seem awkward and uncomfortable but some have worked for me.

We can not be rigid if we want to heal, be open to new therapies and ideas.

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