Posts Tagged ‘MEDITATION’

PTSD and the Ego

https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/


.
My mind or part of it seems like a separate entity, I call it PTSD.

This traumatic part is connected to my Ego, he is a world-class judgmental star.

He/She compares the present with the traumas of the past, it’s called dissociation, the kingpin of PTSD symptoms.

Time spent ruminating, dissociating into the past fuels our symptoms, and powers PTSD.

The longer the duration, the stronger PTSD becomes.

This PTSD mind melts into our Ego or vice versa.

My Ego was created under traumatic abuse, so he identifies as a PTSD Ego.

My daughter tells me I identify as a PTSD person or sufferer.

Well, I sure do not identify as anywhere close to normal.

When I meditate at times, my Ego drops away along with all my PTSD symptoms.

This is the freest feeling I experience.

The sirens of trauma take a momentary break.

I have worked diligently on shrinking my ego, lessening his impact.

Without the Ego dominating life, our hearts can begin to open for short periods.

It takes great awareness to realize how PTSD functions inside our brains.

Have you ever followed the concept of I or me to its origin?

Who am I is a trick question.

I is a mirage, a created identity moniker.
.
.

PTSD: We miss out on Life

https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/


.
We get so wrapped up inside PTSDs symptoms, and the perceived danger that we miss life’s opportunities.

I am guilty!

My mind has always been on alert since childhood, hard to remember a time when my nervous system was at ease.

We do not realize the normal life, the normal opportunities that are hidden by PTSD.

Keeping safe outweighs desire and opportunity.

We are not aware of the life we are missing.

A sad feeling engulfs my being when I realize the damage done by abuse and trauma.

While meditating this morning, I saw this wasting of life.

I do not know how to fix it but I am aware.

PTSD is like a ghost, he/she is invisible, haunting us with past trauma.

He lives inside my brain.
.
.

How does flooding therapy work?

KELLEPICS / 1057 images

.

My two cents: You have to give consent before trying this therapy. This can be dangerous if you are not strong enough or have certain skills. After I built my focus skills with meditation, I went to my triggers on my own and sat til my nervous system calmed.

I did not realize it was called flooding therapy.

From https://psychcentral.com/

“During flooding, you’re exposed to your most feared stimuli, such as heights or spiders, in a safe and controlled environment for an extended time.

During this time, you can use calming techniques to help you through the process, but your therapist makes no particular effort to alleviate your fears.

Your therapist, however, may likely start with some psychoeducation before beginning the flooding.

They will likely explain the method of flooding therapy — that the nervous system is sending a false alarm to your brain about your phobia and that only sticking it out through the whole exposure can get rid of this false alarm.

In other words, once your body’s fight-or-flight response has exhausted itself, your brain can recognize that nothing bad has happened to you.

The goal is to positively condition your mind to stop reacting severely when presented with that trigger in the future.

Flooding session times vary but may last 2-3 hours. Very often, the goal is to complete the treatment in one session only — often lasting several hours. In some cases, the client may need to repeat the process several times.

While flooding is understandably quite stressful for the client, it can also be stressful for the therapist. In a studyTrusted Source of 25 participants with specific phobia, researchers found that clients released slightly higher levels of stress hormones during flooding than during gradual therapy.

While therapists showed no excessive release of stress hormones during gradual therapy, they did show heightened stress hormones during flooding therapy.

Flooding example

If you live with claustrophobia, a flooding session might involve sitting in an extremely small, crowded room for several hours. This might even involve an elevator or a closet.

A proper flooding session would require that you stay in the room until your panic response has fully subsided.

The therapist would make no effort to help you work through the panic, and there’s no option for avoidance..

Original article: https://psychcentral.com/blog/ocd-and-flooding-exposure?slot_pos=article_3&utm_source=Sailthru%20Email&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=weekly&utm_content=2022-08-10&apid=&rvid=e0f9c489ca2fd3b9f770acd949311150850a1b372804e1a17925d8b7d4e4f2a2

.

.

PTSD: Our Nervous System

https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/


.
I inherited a flighty or elevated nervous system from my mother.

She was an extremely emotional person, easily excited, and a constant worrier.

Worry intensifies anxiety, a vicious cycle.

An elevated nervous system impacts the intensity with which I experience PTSD.

My fight or flight mechanism paralyzes me with the gigantic shock to my solar plexus, a numbing feeling of terror.

I freeze or flee as quickly as possible, it is hard to fight when you can barely move.

Those were my early days of PTSD.

It took five years of meditating 5 hours a day for me to calm my fight or flight mechanism.

Now PTSD has changed and haunts me in thought and a different kind of internal fear.

PTSD brings depression, a lethal one-two punch.
.
.

PTSD: is it a Mirage, bad Imagination?

https://pixabay.com/users/sarahrichterart-1546275/


.
Is it all a mirage, PTSD that is?

I read my posts about fear, anxiety, triggers, and intrusive thoughts, they seem so small, so feeble looking on paper.

Words can not convey PTSDs power over me, parts of my brain shut down during triggers firing, or while grasping intrusive thoughts.

Life changes when PTSD becomes active, confusion and anxiety dominate our being.

Is this real? Imagination? Mirage or fact?

I can not see concrete evidence, it is all about the past, it is abstract, only memories that are distorted.

Was my childhood that bad, the memories are confusing and out of sequence, time is distorted, and my fear spikes.

Physically we are unharmed, our defense mechanism works all too well.

Danger was spotted, the fight or flight mechanism fired violently, then calmed back down to our normal.

Why do we fear another trigger firing then?

Why do we avoid and fear something that does no physical damage?

The dumping of cortisol and adrenaline is extremely uncomfortable, our being is ramping up to face a perceived lethal threat.

We try to avoid these chemicals and any person or situation that is connected to them.

Our fight or flight mechanism firing as we secrete cortisol and adrenaline is what we label as fear.

That intense jolt in the solar plexus, like a numbing punch, is what we call fear.

PTSD fires that mechanism over and over, he has access to the switch.

PTSD would not be so powerful without access to that switch.

Thoughts, opinions?
.
.

Deeper Dimensions of the Heart

https://pixabay.com/users/jillwellington-334088/


.

From The Deep Heart:


“As we learn to abide in the heart not knowing, a different kind of knowing appears.

It speaks in a different voice, one that does not judge, assert, insist, or deny.

Amidst the cacophony of the mind’s stream of thoughts, the voice of heart-wisdom is more like a murmur — the quiet guest at the noisy dinner table of daily life.

This knowing may use words or images, or it may be immediate, direct, and unmediated by language or imagery.

It may come as a subtle feeling and sensation — a glow of recognition when the truth is spoken, an inner sense of illumination.

Or it may use all of these modes in combination like a symphony.”

.

.

PTSD: Not Knowing

https://pixabay.com/users/%EA%B0%95%EC%B6%98%EC%84%B1-15738132/


.
From The Deep Heart:

“Not knowing refers not only to our inability to know what will happen; it also means that we cannot know our true nature solely by thinking about it.

Who we really are is not something we can define or confine with thought.

Who we really are is quite literally inconceivable and unimaginable.

Our true nature is not an object — it exists prior to the mind.

We can say what our true nature is not, at least initially, but we cannot definitively state what it is.

Yet we can know it directly by consciously being it.

When the mind clearly recognizes that it is not going to understand what is prior to it, a spontaneous letting go occurs, and attention quite naturally rests in the heart.
.
.

Introverted or Extroverted Marty?

https://pixabay.com/users/kamilgrygo-17873345/


.
When I improved the first time, life was much better, the craziness had calmed to a tolerable level.

It almost felt euphoric in the beginning.

So all my life, until this point I was an introvert.

All that changed and this other self, the extroverted me arrived.

At the ballgame yesterday, I engaged two different parents, separately during the game, guys in conversation.

It was easy, and enjoyable with two lively conversations about kids, sports, and life.

It is funny, like it’s a caricature of me, animated, engaging, confident, almost at ease.

Who is that guy?

The PTSD Marty is shy, calculated, and avoidant.

The true self is at ease, extroverted and engaging.

Is this a success or what?

It’s startling to look back and wonder, how did I do that?
.
.
.
.

PTSD: Blatant facts:

https://unsplash.com/@steve_j


.
Blatant facts: PTSD thoughts hide at an extremely shallow depth.

Piercing the surface is child’s play for them.

What a visual!!!!!!!

In my daily world, these thoughts haunt me, I want answers, accountability, responsibility, and justice.

None of that shit is ever going to happen.

There are few answers, and thousands of questions, we will never know or understand.

My PTSD self is elusive, he benignly senses danger.

It is hard to know what is real, and what is perceived, especially when you agitate my PTSD emotions or triggers.

I have reacted to perceived triggers over and over and over with no solution in sight.

Triggers can be unplugged, calmed, or handled, but not eliminated or controlled.

They happen outside our control, external and internal forces collide.

This has been a violent, drama-filled life.

Fear of failure should be on my gravestone.

That is hard to write.

.

.

PTSD: Surviving

https://pixabay.com/users/posemuse-2382407/


.
PTSD has grown, maturing through the years.

Early on the challenge was my fight or flight mechanism firing, then the intrusive thoughts bombarded my being, followed by depression, and finally anger and resentment.

Anxiety, fear, and worry are always present.

PTSD at its core is subconscious fear.

We fear this abstract, perceived danger may happen again.

This fear emanates from deep inside, for abused kids, it has always been present.

PTSD will become a battle inside our heads, between our ears for life.

A subconscious, shadow world of trauma and suffering exists below the surface.

I live a large part of my life dealing with these PTSD thoughts and emotions.

It has been a harsh life.

I survive.

I survive with little trust and few attachments.

PTSD has been hard on desire, danger kills desire, and safety becomes precious as gold.

We isolate ourselves for protection and survival in our minds.

If we felt safe we would attach much more, mingle effortlessly, and be like normal people.
.
.

%d bloggers like this: