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PTSD is like a T.V. rerun, our trauma movie of childhood collects many residuals throughout life.
Complex PTSD will always be alive, inside our body and mind, in some form until we die.
This movie is distorted, and stored while experiencing our fight or flight exploding.
Since cognition is offline, rational interpretation is impossible.
It is different for every person, the same stressor experienced by a group does not produce PTSD for everyone.
I have carried a feeling of impending doom, loss, or humiliation since my earliest memories.
Abused kids usually do not exhibit a happy-go-lucky demeanor, we are too busy spotting danger, then negotiating away or towards that danger.
For me, this process happens subconsciously. My mind is already assessing every situation before I know it.
Our trauma is stored in the same place, (the right amygdala) as our mechanism for spotting current danger.
Looking back, I never trusted or felt safe as a kid.
Some of that never goes away.
These emotions and thoughts are damaging to our mental health if we engage them for long.
Solution: Keep as present as possible during the day. Letting a mind like ours wander is a recipe for disaster.
Realize the battle is never over.
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