Posts Tagged ‘loss’

PTSD: The need to pivot, adapt our healing journey

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My focus has changed, searching and integrating past trauma has been replaced. I have spent way to much time dealing with trauma memories and triggers.

Now, my healing path deals with my current reactions to right now. Following every situation in this moment, I strive to understand and not react immediately.

This is a drastic change in my approach to healing.

I have become way to sensitive to outside stimulus, reacting irrationally to insignificant situations.

This is fertile ground for improvement.

The fear of loss combined with my compromised nervous system impacts my life negatively.

Underlying this fear of loss is unworthiness at my core.

If I integrated all of my trauma, this unworthiness would still remain unfazed. The fear of loss is an abstract thought, given power through my nervous system but highly damaging to living free.

This is exciting for me.

I see opportunity, a chance to improve.

We all get lost inside our childhood trauma from time to time.

Therapy was responsible for some of my improvement however the majority of healing happened while I was alone.

Without exploring my inner world thoroughly I would be lost in the irrationality of PTSD.

This realization has taken a decade of relentless work to uncover.

Now, I am trying to change, working on my nervous system and this unworthiness.

The difference, I am working on changing it in this moment, the next stimulus, not the past.

Thoughts on this serpentine road.

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Do your mistakes (losses) consume you?

 

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Example: Many accomplished athletes, multimillionaires, are haunted by their losses, perceived failures. Even if the wins far outweigh the losses, the losses seem to always sting.

 

“Ego” plays a pivotal role in this behavior.

 

We do not understand life is a journey, not a goal. An achievement, a prize has nothing to do with happiness (wellbeing).

 

A mistake, a loss brings disappointment, maybe failure if we so judge.

 

Why do our mistakes distract us?

 

Why do our mistakes bring such harsh, personal judgments?

 

How can one mistake consume so many wins (accomplishments)?

 

We are perfect at our core (soul), however the physical body has flaws, makes mistakes, ages and dies.

 

We waste many days of our life worrying about our past mistakes and future embarrassments.

 

If I am painting, building, writing or competing is my goal perfection?

 

Best not undertake a task needing perfection.

 

How will I handle a mistake if perfection is the Goal?

 

Easy to see as we step back, that this is a losing proposition.

 

Maybe we need a goal that resembles a life of wellbeing.

 

Undertaking a challenge that takes discipline, courage and effort does not need adulation or a trophy. The journey of giving our complete effort is the prize.

 

Not judging the result allows us to enjoy life.

 

Fulfillment does not come from trophies but by living free during the journey.

 

Give all out effort, then relax and smile.
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Shedding desire preventing loss!

  
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It is an extremely simple concept: Without desire, loss does not exist (95% of time).
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Real loss, a death close to us, exists. We are speaking of our desires (approval, status, power, possessions) creating loss, here.
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If I do not need that car, that jacket, that career, or that accomplishment, not attaining that car does not bring loss.
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It also does not have the hours of dissociative ruminating, the constant feeling of loss, of damage to our being.
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How many days or years do we grieve a lost relationship, lost job, lost championship, etc.
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As a male, my ego is attached to what I do, so being fired from a job would bring enormous personal loss, devaluing my self worth .
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If I am my career, then loss of that career is loss of me in a big way.
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Knowing all this, I still tell people I was a professional baseball player, all the while, knowing I am closer to needing a cane than competing at any level.
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My Ego still identifies with what I am most proud, I guess.
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What do you hold onto, like it was valuable, gold?
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welcome hardship by staying present, taking action and letting go of that doubt and worry.

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This is how we integrate implicit memories, trauma memories, panic attacks, fear based dissociation, etc.
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By staying present, focused on the breath, letting go of the storyline, we heal, integrating the old trauma memories, bringing those past memories to current moment.
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There is no real danger in any memory, dream or situation in the past.
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So, once we stop dissociating, leaving this moment to fuel trauma, it fades and dies quickly.
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Trauma has no power in this present moment, as any judgment we honor.
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The final piece is letting go of doubt, worry and unworthiness.
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Happiness is abundant in this space.
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