Posts Tagged ‘intrusive thoughts’

I have not read an accurate description of intrusive thoughts,

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I have not read an accurate description of intrusive thoughts, what it’s like, the intensity, or the volume.

We have no control over what thoughts arrive in our consciousness (60,000 daily).

Neuroscientists tell us negative ones are like velcro, while positive more like Teflon.

It’s all related to the defense of our being, self-preservation, survival mode overrides everything else.

Life is drastically altered by these intrusive trauma thoughts.

No way to ignore or control them. Letting go is the only path.

So many thoughts arrive in my consciousness that I get tired and overwhelmed.

It is hard to describe in words. Intrusive thoughts come at me non-stop.

An image of a Gatlin gun firing round after round is what it feels like in my head.

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They arrive connected to external stimuli, or on their own without any perceived danger.

I have never been able to get away from PTSD, no matter what I have done.

It is one of the those things you will never understand unless you experience it.

Does anyone else experience thought patterns like this?
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Intrusive thoughts tend to be experienced with a sense of “now-ness”

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Attention, Memory, Intrusive Thoughts, and Acceptance in PTSD: An Update on the Empirical Literature for Clinicians:

Jillian C. Shipherd and Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault

Excerpt:

“Additionally, intrusive thoughts tend to be experienced with a sense of “now-ness” (although the individual usually does not lose awareness of other aspects of the present moment, as in a flashback), and are regarded as separate from intrusive ruminatory or evaluative thoughts about the trauma (Hackmann et al., 2004).

In fact, the “now-ness” of intrusive thoughts is more intense in trauma survivors with PTSD as compared to those without (Schonfeld & Ehlers, 2006). As discussed previously, this is hypothesized to be related to the poorly elaborated memory and disjointed way that trauma memories are stored (see Ehlers, Hackmann, & Michael, 2004).

Although intrusive thoughts are an expected and normative part of trauma recovery, trauma survivors often report that the thoughts are disturbing, and are an indication that they are “going crazy” (Shipherd, Beck, Hamblen, & Freeman, 2000).

When an intrusive thought occurs, it can be associated with emotional distress, physiological arousal, and interference with concentration or task completion, lasting anywhere from minutes to hours.

It is understandable that survivors would want to avoid this experience (e.g., Lazarus, 1983).”

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My two cents: Psychological définitions do not describe my intrusive thoughts.

They are prolific in volume, but hold little fear, mostly unworthiness and shame mixed with anger.

The emotions of harm feel real. My intrusive thoughts are accurate, public sexual humiliation came from a real betrayal.

I can not reframe that in to anything good, after a childhood of abuse, this trauma destroyed trust.

Realize at 69 the damage between childhood and this betrayal is massive, I am still haunted, suffering to this day.

I have accepted it and surrendered to it, but that storyline continues.

I have done the work with therapists and this intrusive thought lives on.

Now, they say avoidance or trying to squash these intrusive thoughts does more harm.

So what does someone do, whose intrusive thoughts run constantly like mine at times?

How would you like the worst day of your life to play over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over?

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