Posts Tagged ‘Inner child’

I always thought my inner child was the weakest most damaged part of me



Childhood trauma has this extra dimension, an inner child who had to navigate abuse while the brain was not developed. We can integrate all the trauma we experienced and still our hardwiring is unchanged.

I saw my abused inner child, as vulnerable and weak, the origin of all the PTSD. My thought was it needed fixing, repaired, made over.

Shifting my focus away from trauma and triggers into functioning in this moment, has brought a massive change in how I see my inner child.

Without knowing it, in a response I wrote to the last post, my inner child became the strongest, bravest part of me.

My inner child had the fewest tools, was the most vulnerable part of my life but he survived the greatest abuse, childhood.

Instead of a meek coward, he navigated his way into adulthood with great strength. As an adult I see he survived where mature Marty would of failed.

Is this thinking outside the box or just Awareness being a reward for my inner exploration?

That inner child had strengths others did not have. He could endure intense pain and still take action.

My inner child developed incredible willpower and never gave up in the face of hardship.

What a paradigm shift from victim to my leading freedom fighter.

Now my challenge is to soothe that inner child in current situations, reparent in a way.

Again, this approach is trying to not handle my trauma, it is about functioning now, in this situation, this moment.

I have danced around the inner child numerous times and have written posts in the past, but something was different this time.

I never thought my inner child was the bravest part of my life.

My perceived weakness might be my biggest strength in reality.

How about you?

Your inner child helped you survive also.

He/She maybe your ultimate strength, not the damaged mess we perceive.



How to Do Inner-Child Work for Healing Trauma and Self-Acceptance by Sheleana Aiyana



By connecting with our inner-child, we gain access to new information about our unhealed wounds, and the needs that may not have been met when we were actually children.

Then, “reparenting” becomes the process of meeting those needs and practicing self-care so we can operate in the world as happy, functional adults.

Susan Anderson, the author of the Journey from Abandonment to Healing explains the layers of inner-child work in 3 parts – the Inner-Child, the Outer-Child and the Adult Self. Her explanation is really helpful when we seek to understand our own coping mechanisms and behavior patterns on a deeper level. My descriptions for the inner and outer child are adapted from her work.

Below, I cover how to identify your inner and outer child, the wounded inner child and the integrated adult. Then, we move onto how to reconnect, nurture and heal the inner-child.


The “little you” – tender, emotional. Your inner-child is the innocent part of you – all about feelings and your primal needs.

Vulnerable and innocent

Deep feeling and sensitivity

Curious, creative and playful

Craves love, recognition, and validation

Desires connection and safety


Total in expression – be it anger, sadness, joy


Responsible for self-defeating behaviors, self-sabotage. The outer child responds to the inner-child and can over-protect by acting out.

Self-defeating behaviors

Loss of control over behavior and reactions

Uncalibrated in the expression of anger

Impatient and impulsive

Self-centered and focused on having needs met

Sabotages your inner-growth and fights change

Over-protects inner-child by pushing love away

…..Wounded Inner-Child

Response to emotional or psychological neglect.

A deep-seated belief that you are broken.

Fear of abandonment and loss of love.

Insecure and low-self esteem.

Loss of self in an attempt to gain approval from others.

Fearful of setting boundaries or saying “no”.

Seeking instant-gratification through substances, shopping, distraction, and procrastination.



Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy : The Inner Child Has your adult self spent time with your inner child today?

Destructive behavior takes various forms: from subtle self-sabotage and self-defeating patterns to passive hostility to severe self-destructive symptoms, violent aggression and, sometimes, evil deeds.


Commonly, destructive behavior in adults bears the impetuous, impulsive quality of childish petulance or narcissistic temper tantrums. Or an infantile neediness, dependency, and dread of abandonment. Or an irresponsibility and angry refusal to be an adult: the “Peter Pan syndrome,” or what Jungians refer to as a puer or puella complex.


The archetypal Jungian notion of the puer aeternus (male) or (female) puella aeterna–the eternal child–provides the basis for what has come in pop psychology and self-help movements (see, for example, the writings of Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Alice Miller, or John Bradshaw) to be known as the “inner child.” What exactly is this so-called inner child? Does it truly exist? And why should we care?


To begin with, the inner child is real. Not literally. Nor physically. But figuratively, metaphorically real. It is–like complexes in general–a psychological or phenomenological reality, and an extraordinarily powerful one at that.


Indeed, most mental disorders and destructive behavior patterns are, as Freud first intimated, more or less related to this unconscious part of ourselves. We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us.


But most adults are quite unaware of this. And this lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is precisely where so many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from.

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Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing



Diana Raab


“When putting the finishing touches on my most recent book, Writing for Bliss, I decided to include a section on inner-child healing. 


It wasn’t in my original draft, but I noticed that many friends and colleagues inquired about it, reminding me how healing and transformative it would be to write about and access the wounded child.


Around the same time, I’d just read Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Reconciliation, where the wise Buddhist said that inside each of us is a young, suffering child; and that to protect ourselves from future suffering, we all try to forget the pain. 


Most often, when we feel pain from a deep place within, it’s our inner wounded child who’s calling. Forgetting the pain results in more pain.


Writing about this pain can be one way to heal our inner child and help heal any negative emotions we might be holding on to. 


Research has shown that the body holds both emotional and physical pain, and even if we try to ignore that pain and forge ahead with our lives, chances are that it will always be there. 

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