Posts Tagged ‘healing’

Am I too damaged to heal?

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Am I too damaged to heal?

There is no figure on the percentage of seriously abused kids healing.

I wonder how many adults with a one off crisis or trauma later in life heal?

What kind of odds do people like us have in healing our childhood abuse?

I would like to know my odds or chances on this journey.

Am I fighting a losing battle?

I have devoted my life full time to healing for over a decade, intense therapy, books, meditation, and practice.

If anything I have devoted too much attention trying to heal.

So for me, I was either handling my trauma trying to heal or suffering from the symptoms.

Now, I do not know which way to turn, quit messing with my trauma trying to heal or continue full force.

My mental stability and quality of life has deteriorated.

Depression seeps into my life, all that emotional hope I carried for over a decade is fading fast.

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Coping better is my Goal

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I do not think there is a cure for childhood abuse (C-PTSD), do not think there is a space where we say, I am healed.

It is possible to learn coping skills, navigate life, and find some wellbeing.

Childhood trauma is hard wired while the brain developed, so it is never going to disappear.

There is a huge difference between actively coping with PTSD and being a victim.

Knowing I will never heal is not an opportunity to give up, the journey is the same, the results maybe different than total healing, that’s all.

I am not healed but my life has both wellbeing and suffering.

Coping is using my trauma skills to minimize PTSD’s impact when activated.

When PTSD is dormant, I Strengthen my mindfulness skills, always preparing for the next battle.

It is a precarious existence, often an internal war being waged inside the mind.

Remember our hippocampus is smaller while our amygdala is larger, combined with the left Prefrontal cortex being compromised.

Trauma will explode from time to time as we navigate life.

Our goal is to live and risk in the midst of PTSD terror and enjoy our trauma free Periods fully.

Our challenges come when intrusive thoughts bombard us at a rapid pace, then our fight or flight mechanism fires, how we handle this perceived threat determines life.

Be prepared, develop as many coping skills as possible and practice daily.

There are no guarantees with childhood trauma, life will suck at times, unworthiness and fear will prevail at times.

We do have a choice, resist or give up, deciding not to have PTSD is not an option I am aware of.

We have to be determined, courageous and have the ability to take action in the face of fear and anxiety.

I have learned not to resent my place on this earth, that is a victims stance.

Life Axiom: Sedentary is closer to death, action closer to life.

Healing takes daily action, suffering arrives without effort.

Believe what your actions tell you, not your thought. . .

Pinterest: YourTango

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Every part of us does not have PTSD. I have found areas inside me that are not traumatized.

We all have what spiritual shamans call true self, soul.

It’s the part of us that has been the same since birth.

Thought can not sense it, or feel it. Trauma can never reach it, only we can access it .

Intuition is how I have bumped into it by mistake and then on purpose.

Below cognition, under the Ego exists another world without PTSD.

We can visit, recharge and use this focus to heal a little each day. This soothing space is available to all of us.

Surely I desire that my visits (Meditations) produce total healing, and quickly.

It does not work that way. It works slowly.

Without it I would be dead of a heart attack from triggers firing 15 times a day.

Meditation helped me stop my fight or flight mechanism from firing.

My nervous system cruises at a higher pace than normal people, however it does not erupt anymore.

Most people on this earth have not experienced their fight or flight mechanism firing off like death was an arms length away 15 times a day.

I was a basket case for months. Survival seemed bleak if I did not shut this mechanism down.

That did not happen overnight.

Many hours with no return or hope is what every sunrise brought.

You have to believe improvement is somewhere in the near future.

With all my soul, I believe that.

I have experience of healing where this has been true over and over again.

Believe what your actions tell you, not your thought.

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I am one of the lucky ones. I can resist and take action

“We need to live with less complaints and more gratitude.” Pinterest

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When PTSD is active, life changes, thought patterns simplify.

The habitual traumatic event is the only movie playing. Over and over the torment haunts us.

How do we handle this unfair life?

What do we do for attitude, effort, and hope?

For me, I know I am luckier than most with childhood PTSD. I have tools and willpower.

Most childhood abuse (C-PTSD) ends in addiction, prostitution, aberrant behavior, disease, shorter life span and suffering.

Most severely abused kids are incapable of taking action, facing their fears (abuse) or improving.

Venture on to the PTSD discussion boards and witness the flailing and suffering . The opposite of healing is going on, victimhood is celebrated in such a public dysfunctional way.

It is extremely sad.

22 vets have committed suicide everyday for last three years, while PTSD surges beyond epidemic rates.

Think of the massive amount of PTSD that grips those living in the war zones our soldier have fought in.

I am lucky. If you follow this blog, I think you are lucky because your looking to heal.

Searching still, you have not given up.

We have the willpower and courage to look for healing and look to take action.

I know happiness and trauma are inside me.

Everyday I connect to that inner guide and search for improvement, a better life.

I can resist with every molecule in my body, that along with not giving up has carved a small space that I live inside.

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PTSD statistics 2020……..

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By SINGLECARE TEAM | MAY 29, 2020 Medically reviewed by MARISSA WALSH, PHARM.D., BCPS-AQ ID

“Studies have demonstrated that up to 46% of people with PTSD show improvement within the first six weeks of psychotherapy. Antidepressants are also a treatment option to alleviate the symptoms of PTSD, including anxiety, with studies showing up to 62% of people receiving medication for PTSD show improvement.” (American Family Physician, 2003)

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My two cents: 46% improve: How abstract can psychology be?

Hell, you can improve by distracting yourself, but we will continue to suffer.

I expect to see how many heal. Is our ultimate goal to just improve, then how much.

It took me years to improve and I suffered until improvement was significant.

If you have childhood trauma, six weeks of therapy is not going to change damn near anything.

Do seriously abused kids ever heal. What percentage? I would like to know!

If clients improved why not share what therapies worked the best. How many healed and how long did it take for each category, mild, moderate and severe cases of PTSD.

Are certain therapists more successful at healing clients?

I think we all know the answer to that one. Therapist are as important as the therapies they use.

If 46% improve, why are 22 vets committing suicide everyday?

I would think our psychological cabal would demonstrate their success on veterans who are killing themselves at an alarming rate.

I mean they are claiming 46% improve in six weeks. This would save many lives with minimal duration.

How long does it take for these vets who are killing themselves to heal? How many of them heal or improve significantly.

Why are we not focused on helping those at greatest risk. Some vets are now committing suicide in the VA parking lots. Think this is a message?

These stats are always low, I think many, many ptsd cases are never reported.

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PTSD in veterans statistics

An estimated 354 million adult war survivors globally have PTSD and/or major depression. (European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 2019)

In one study of 1,938 veterans, a PTSD prevalence of about 14% was present in veterans who served in Iraq. (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs)

In reports, a 10% prevalence of PTSD has been extrapolated for all Gulf War veterans. (American Journal of Epidemiology, 2003)

About 30% of Vietnam veterans have had PTSD in their lifetime.” (American Psychological Association, 1990)

U.S. PTSD statistics

About 8 million adults in the U.S. have PTSD during a given year. (U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, 2019)

PTSD affects more than twice as many women (10%) as men (4%). (U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, 2019)

70% of adults in the U.S. experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. (Sidran Institute, 2018)

The lifetime prevalence of PTSD in the U.S. was 6.8% as of 2001-2003. (Harvard Medical School, 2007)”

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Anything that fluctuates can be influenced

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Both Chronic pain and PTSD entered my life with me being clueless about their power, intensity and mechanism.

It took me 6 months with each to understand the challenge and form a plan to cope.

One of the first patterns I witnessed was how PTSD and chronic pain fluctuated during the day and night.

So my pain or PTSD did not have a constant intensity or duration.

PTSD rotated from calm to extremely triggered in seconds. Some times were calm and easier, others pure terror.

Chronic pain has an ebb and flow, intense times along with easier times.

My relationship with chronic pain was different than the other 14 in our chronic pain group. I took action, lost the fear of my pain and improved.

They lived a sedentary life filled with 30 pills a day, they suffered.

I hiked uphill causing my pain to spike, then the music was cranked, my goal was to never let pain stop my legs from moving.

Hiking another 15 minutes with my pain as a companion, in a month my chronic pain started to compress. I did not fear my pain after that month.

PTSD was a roller coaster ride of terror, followed by mental anguish and then worry about future anxiety.

The only breaks happened during times getting lost in a chore, nature or a hobby.

I found meditation provided the focus and platform to observe my fears without being part of them.

It takes time, courage and willpower.

My recent eruption of a buried trauma has challenged my skills.

I forgot how intense a serious trauma can be.

Taking action, even the slightest action moves us out of victimhood.

Better to resist, to take action.

Being sedentary powers chronic pain and PTSD.

Thoughts proliferate in a sedentary environment of Pain or Trauma.

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Healed, a word I refrain from using!

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To many connotations around healed, healing, to use that word. I thought I was completely healed at one time and then PTSD erupted around a stressful situation.

Healing is different for each of us, I will never be happy go lucky with all the healing in the world. My abuse during childhood damaged me, isolated me from attachments with others.

A loner was the only thing my father allowed me to be. Crowds have never felt safe for me.

Trust, not something I am very familiar with. My happiness is not carved out of the things, normal people think constitutes happiness.

My needs are much different than others. Now, they are minimal and that solves many issues.

It was mandatory for me to know my inner world if I wanted to heal.

PTSD has led me down a path, a spiritual journey, a daily meditation practice, a life with gratitude, giving and kindness.

Changes abound.

Approval is needed in small amounts now.

Negative thoughts die from a lack of attention.

I can stay neutral, focused, for days while my trauma wants an audience to power up.

I just do not spend time worrying about my worthiness or unworthiness, anymore.

My life has 90% less worry, doubt and fear. There must be some happiness in so much alleviation of suffering.

However you classify me, healed, still messed up or better, I have taken my life back.

The past finally is the past and my feeling is, I have gained strengths from surviving.

I have wasted enough time on trauma and refuse to waste another breath.

It takes a daily practice to change a 24/7 disorder like Complex PTSD.

The biggest change, I am not a victim, my father has no power over me, I am free and content with me.

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Thoughts are an appendage, there beyond your outstretched arm?

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Thoughts are air without attention, harmless, unnoticed noise.

Thoughts are an appendage, our true self, soul is our core.

Let’s explore that hypothesis. Meditation/Mindfulness practice continues when our eyes are open and we are in the waking world.

The next thought that our mind becomes enthralled with, pull back and observe it.

We can isolate this thought, separate it with our focus.

Without attention, we can witness how transparent and fleeting a thought becomes.

We witness the thought arriving, then without attention, fade quickly, like it never existed.

We can see how powerless any thought or emotion is without energy, attention.

If we want to be happy or heal, where we place our attention is our greatest power.

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My journeys (PTSD) current state of mind (Healing)

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Awkward and uncomfortable is how I would describe my PTSD now.

It took all my effort and determination to heal the first time. My childhood trauma resisted many different therapies and holistic cures.

Our path is not very well illuminated, hard to tell the proper avenue to choose or the right direction to proceed. PTSD has a confusing impact, a time distorting component and horrifying panic attacks.

When I finally healed, my life was trigger free, finally flowing with an ease. I thought healing was permanent but a new blood pressure medicine drained my energy and fired my nervous system up.

My PTSD symptoms returned. Things had changed, the intense fear and firing of my flight or fight mechanism did not happen. Meditation had enabled me to become friends with my fight or flight mechanism, I did not fear it going off.

In fact I learned to use the energy that surrounds our defense mechanism firing, while hiking.

Instead of terror and fear, I experienced uncomfortable and awkward.

Now, my symptoms will appear every so often, I am not afraid of them anymore. They do impact my life but I accept this as my cross to bear.

What has changed is my ability to focus and let go, the wisdom to discount traumas erroneous barrage of thoughts and judgments.

I can exist in a defense mode, letting the noise be released, making no decisions, having no opion that is reinforced until things settle down.

I have learned to let go of thought and read my senses, see and hear what is in front of me. It is soothing to step back and realize this PTSD is a mirage.

My triggers are still an issue at times but the issue has a much less intimidating consequence.

Trusting that being empty of thought and aware of this immediate moment, is my default position.

My tools are simple, concrete and immediate.

My tools are not complex or voluminous but gain power through repetition and application.

PTSD is not as scary when the fight or flight mechanism has become your friend.

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Looking back at my journey, some thoughts!

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Years ago “Exposure Therapy” as it was called, brought extreme anxiety to my being. Say your PTSD triggers manifested in fear of being in closed spaces, or in crowded public areas.

Exposure Therapy takes you into these trigger situations. We would go into an enclosed space or enter a crowded gathering. I languished when this therapy was tried on me.

It made me worse, my fear and anxiety levels spiked, my fight or flight mechanism fired 10 times a day.

In due time, a solution appeared, a safe, secure place for exposure therapy.

Meditation provided this safe space to use “Exposure Therapy”.

I could face my fear and anxiety with intense focus and letting go. It was not easy.

I did not walk into a trigger solution as a cocky, bring it on individual, it was more a tip toeing through my mind field. It still felt like danger was there.

Confidence grew with more and more exposure. Becoming intimately familiar with my fears and anxiety made them less fearful, less powerful over time.

My fears lost power gradually. As time passed I was able to physically face my triggers better and better.

What I realized was, to heal it took being humble, accepting, and vulnerable.

It is not a chest pumping experience, rather a humbling journey of exploration and healing.

If you heal you will know more about the real you.

The path to healing and happiness are the same road.

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