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For me, intrusive thoughts are the big issue living with PTSD.
Once a trauma memory gets rolling all the negative emotions engulf us.
One of my weaknesses is wanting revenge, wanting my abusers to pay a price, basic human nature.
This has not worked out well, actually it has damaged me more, made me suffer.
Forgiveness has been difficult, I have many harshly held resentments for the damage done to me.
This is the essence of PTSD for me now.
My PTSD has become a hybrid form since many of my traumas have been integrated or partially healed.
How much time my intrusive thoughts spend in my consciousness determines the outcome of everyday.
For that reason my mantra, I forgive everyone for everything they have done to harm me, was shortened.
I made the acronym FEE, Forgive Everyone Everything.
When an intrusive thought invades my space, immediately the acronym FEE appears followed by forgive everyone everything.
FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING……FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING…….FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING…..FORGIVE EVERYONE EVERYTHING.
Am I a little OCD?
Repetition till it’s reflexive and intuitive makes our acronym much more effective.
Know your mind, it’s patterns and habits intimately.
When intrusive thoughts are broken, the emotions attached do not get a chance to draw me in.
This is a war between me and my PTSD, who will dominate my thoughts is the ultimate winner.
I healed the first time by not thinking about my father or my abuse.
So far it has helped clear my day of some of traumas turmoil.
Anything we can do to stay present, to stop dissociating, leaving this moment to ruminate, bodes well for us.
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