Posts Tagged ‘Gratitude’

Many kids had it much worse than me!

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/13299761391094055/

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Many kids had it far worse than I did.

I have gratitude for the skills and opportunities provided Me to survive my ordeal.

My dad wanted me to be a pro baseball player, which gave me the escape and opportunity to develop willpower and persistence.

Dad could have been a destructive alcoholic without ambition who just beat and criticized me.

He demanded I be twice as good as the other kids, cruel but such a great outlet of physical expression and accomplishment.

I was lucky.

This sentiment was hatred for a long time, but my abuse made me who I am.

Some of my father’s abuse developed incredible skills other kids never had.

My ability to perform on a baseball and basketball court/field either lessened or increased my abuse.

There was great incentive to be the very best I could be.

Psychologically, you did not want to be my opposition, I could win in so many ways. I could find weakness and exploit it.

A big monster was waiting for me outside the ring, a kid did not have a chance against me most of the time.

Unfortunately, as a teetertotter works, great strength physically is balanced by weakness socially.

These skills helped me heal the first time.

We must help those left behind.

So many suffer a lifetime from their childhood.

We have skills and tools, many are isolated, frozen, terrified, suffering.

I hope to inspire a few to take action.

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Permanent things, an old post

https://pixabay.com/users/prettysleepy-2973588/

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On my arduous journey with childhood trauma, I have found a few constants, permanent things, only a few.

Life is complex, things we thought vital in our youth, fade in importance as we age.

Things I coveted have changed in value, possessions get damaged, stolen, or worn out. Status, beauty, and health all deteriorate with time. My trophies took enormous effort, grueling competitiveness to attain, now they collect dust out of sight.

What seemed to hold ultimate happiness, disappoints quickly, then fades to the next challenge.

How many times have we chased things, college, career, status, fame, etc. searching for happiness, only to find nothing behind it.

The band that dreams of a miracle hit, expecting lasting happiness, finds intense pressure in a cutthroat business to write more hits quickly, instead.

The greatest, most expensive meal in the world, turns to hunger in six hours.

Fulfilling desire does not quench the beast, it feeds it.

What endures.

For me, two things off the top of my head, giving and gratitude are constants me. My emotions peak and valley like a big rollercoaster, but I am a giver and appreciate what I have.

Giving without regard for reward is called loving-kindness by the Buddhists, a tenet of wellbeing.

Giving has always been a part of my life, being able to run a blog that helps others improve, is precious in my life.

The bond I share with a few on this healing path endures and matures.

I always count my blessings and know others have it much tougher than me.

My meditation practice is permanent, a daily companion who asks no toll for soothing my being.

My permanent things have an abstract quality to them, unlike possesssions, we protect from thieves.

You can not steal my kindness, gratitude, or meditation practice. They cost nothing but are more valuable than all my possesssions.

The few things that I will leave this earth with.

How about you, what is permanent in your life?

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Responsibility: accept or suffer!

Pixabay Bru-nO

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From the “Undefeated Mind”

“In the elderly, feeling a sense of responsibility has been found not only to improve daily functioning but also to increase lifespan. 

In a study of nursing home patients by researchers Ellen Langer and Judith Rodin, residents on one floor were given a plant for which they themselves were expected to care (the experimental group) while residents on another floor were given a plant for which their nurses would care (the control group). 

After three weeks, 93 percent of residents in the experimental group showed an overall improvement in socialization, alertness, and general function; in contrast, for 71 percent of residents in the control group functioning actually declined.

And in a follow-up study eighteen months later, half as many of the residents who’d received plants for which they were expected to care by themselves had died as the residents who’d been given plants for which their nurses cared.

Finally, perhaps the most significant way in which embracing a sense of personal responsibility increases resilience is by motivating action (remember, resilience is also defined by our ability to persevere through obstacles).

In fact, feeling responsible for achieving an outcome may motivate us even more powerfully than our desire to achieve it.

After all, a sense of responsibility often makes us do things we don’t want to do.”
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My two cents: Sedentary is closer to death, action closer to life, no matter age or IQ.

“A sense of responsibility often makes us do things we don’t want to do”, whatever it takes, we have to take action to heal.

Sedentary is the frozen part of the adrenal stress response, avoidance, and denial run away from responsibility.

Healing takes action, no pill is going to heal us.

Childhood ptsd is hard on Relationships

https://pixabay.com/users/analogicus-8164369/

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Relationships will always be difficult for abused kids. The experts tell us so.

PTSD was dormant until my late 50’s. The core trauma was alive in my subconscious, impacting my nervous system and behavior.

A family crisis released my childhood trauma, it exploded into consciousness. I would have trouble from that day being able to have friends.

I was not available, did not want to go out and be part of a friendship or group.

We cannot cultivate when our PTSD is at gale force.

Being agoraphobic limited my life and changed my marriage. Having triggers explode, paralyzed me, numbed me, and sharing the experience scared my partner even more.

My relationships were strained from mood swings, episodes of triggers isolated me while fear and anxiety changed my personality.

Finally, I see it was next to impossible to be a close friend.

This is more wreckage childhood PTSD has caused or I have caused. I guess they are the same person.

Life has always seemed out of control, I was always trying to catch up but an invisible demon-haunted me.

My life has been filled with turmoil, escaping PTSD symptoms has not gone well.

I struggle with relationships because I struggle mightily for any well-being.

Some of my past is a mess and I have responsibility for that mess.

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Coping better is my Goal

Pixabay 愚木混株CDD20

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I do not think there is a cure for childhood abuse (C-PTSD), do not think there is a space where we say, I am healed.

It is possible to learn coping skills, navigate life, and find some wellbeing.

Childhood trauma is hard wired while the brain developed, so it is never going to disappear.

There is a huge difference between actively coping with PTSD and being a victim.

Knowing I will never heal is not an opportunity to give up, the journey is the same, the results maybe different than total healing, that’s all.

I am not healed but my life has both wellbeing and suffering.

Coping is using my trauma skills to minimize PTSD’s impact when activated.

When PTSD is dormant, I Strengthen my mindfulness skills, always preparing for the next battle.

It is a precarious existence, often an internal war being waged inside the mind.

Remember our hippocampus is smaller while our amygdala is larger, combined with the left Prefrontal cortex being compromised.

Trauma will explode from time to time as we navigate life.

Our goal is to live and risk in the midst of PTSD terror and enjoy our trauma free Periods fully.

Our challenges come when intrusive thoughts bombard us at a rapid pace, then our fight or flight mechanism fires, how we handle this perceived threat determines life.

Be prepared, develop as many coping skills as possible and practice daily.

There are no guarantees with childhood trauma, life will suck at times, unworthiness and fear will prevail at times.

We do have a choice, resist or give up, deciding not to have PTSD is not an option I am aware of.

We have to be determined, courageous and have the ability to take action in the face of fear and anxiety.

I have learned not to resent my place on this earth, that is a victims stance.

Life Axiom: Sedentary is closer to death, action closer to life.

Healing takes daily action, suffering arrives without effort.

This years dance performance

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The kid on his head is my grandson, Brighton.

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what a ham.

The girls love him. It’s better than T. V.

Is Ptsd a bad genie in a bottle?

Genie in a bottle

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/27866091433321867/

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PTSD’s power emerges from the fear and anxiety it perpetuates through dissociation.

Dissociation is the lynchpin of Ptsd, the fuel trauma uses to control life.

Without time spent in the past, judging, ruminating or just handling trauma thoughts, Ptsd whithers in that moment.

There is normal healing where life becomes easier to navigate.

Set accurate expectations, we are never going to be happy go lucky or be like others, we will be our own happy self, whatever that looks like.

Thinking in absolutes seems to be the rhetoric of the inner critic (Ptsd) employs to control us.

If we leave this present moment to delve into the past, suffering will materialize.

It’s almost like a genie in a bottle, Ptsd that is.

Ptsd is a bad genie, traumatized and unworthy at his core. Sounds like the inner critic’s voice.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/25543922874949051/

If we rub that lamp, suffering comes pouring out.

I entertain the dream, I am perfect as my true self, right now, right here, right this second, then I move onto the next minute.

Know the enemy and how he/she operates.

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Navigating the harm of normal people

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Over 20 vets have committed suicide everyday for the last three years.

Why couldn’t they just let it go, be strong. They had families, children and responsibilities.

What force could drive them to give up and take their own lives.

A normal person, not abused in childhood, has no clue what forces drive them to take their own lives.

I understand exactly why they take their lives, to stop the pain.

Wonder how they reacted when people told them to just let it go? Ignore your trauma and act normal, ignore the anxiety, ignore the fear.

I would like to see anyone of them handle my childhood trauma so easily and completely.

Our prisons are full of abused kids, growing up dysfunctional as adults, why did they fail, why couldn’t they just let their PTSD go?

How many abused young girls become prostitutes and drug addicts, cutters and suicidal risks?

Why could they not just let their sexually abusive childhoods go?

The outside world sees us as weak and broken. I have entered spaces and shared my childhood trauma trying to heal, my boldness has brought rebuke and pain.

I am not weak, I doubt if any of them could of walked my life or your life.

I get upset when supposed friends invalidate my PTSD and suffering.

I guess part of our suffering is enduring never being validated by normal people.

I must be seriously flawed not being able to effortlessly let my trauma go.

We get burnt over and over when we share our suffering.

Now, I will search for relief in private again.

Besides my therapist, this is the only safe place I have to share my trauma challenges.

Thank all of you for understanding.

Thoughts, experiences, ideas?

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Orphan Triplets: separated by class then studied

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1055599892591489/

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My rational mind has no understanding why a certain traumatic event carries such power and fear.

My rational mind has no control over when and how intense PTSD will erupt or last. All I know is my effort to heal this out of control demon.

The irrational, PTSD part of my mind, runs without input from my rational, cognitive side of my brain.

Cognitively, I know normal people are able to let past memories go and move on.

I understand trauma is stored as implicit memory in the right amygdala and also in the body.

The consequences of these mechanisms changes life forever.

The differences between self image, thought patterns, levels of cortisol, anxiety, fear of people, and trust is massive.

The difference between a severely abused child’s life and one who is supported is drastic.

They have taken orphaned triplets in England and placed them in different households to study the impact of childhood. Some were sent to different economic conditions , one poor, one average and one well to do.

They did not tell the kids or adoptive parents what they were doing. This was a study on the influence of class on kids.

The nurturing of the kids was more important than class. A poor foster dad who was devoted to his kid turned out fine.

These researchers were playing God. The kids met in there 40’s, not knowing they had two other twins.

One of the kids placed in a rich home committed suicide, so class is not the only factor.

It’s between biology and nurturing that decides what life will be.

In today’s environment I doubt if you could do such a study again, playing with life for science.

In real life, birth is the ultimate lottery ticket.

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Zen Things also trauma healing things

https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/477874210435372390/

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Live simply, focus and make awareness a strong habit.

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https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/154037249732823989/

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Both posters are about living in the moment, letting the past go and making the mundane important.

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https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/293648838193682323/

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Nature knows the way.

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