Posts Tagged ‘gangrape’

Public, Sexual Humiliation and the male ego

https://pixabay.com/users/titopasini-15384917/

.

.

Trauma has narrowed my life, helped develop these intense fears of ever being vulnerable again.

I lacked any healthy attachment to either parent, instead I received criticism and coldness.

My dominant emotion besides fear, was hating my dad with a passion while he terrorized me.

In college, my girlfriend snuck away with a guy and ended up gangraped at a frat house. It was betrayal then a horrendous assault on a young, innocent 19 year old.

We were humiliated publicly, they bragged about pulling a train on her.

This event changed me, brought nightmares, suicidal thoughts and despair. I wanted to leave college that day, run away.

The rest of college was a battle zone. Animosity boiled over, Fights became part of college for me. I hated those bastards. Still do to this day.

I would rather die than experience this again.

I saw her young life destroyed and that traumatized me more. She ate and went to class in same room with them until she transferred.

Cheryl never felt safe again, never would be that innocent, free spirit.

The opportunity of college turned into a scary nightmare she would carry the rest of her life.

Sex was an act now, only a cold act, the gal I loved was assaulted by 10 guys and demeaned publicly. Sex changed, it never had emotion attached to it again.

I could never endure being vulnerable to a woman ever again.

I broke.

.

.

Healing: The need to find others who share your experience

https://pixabay.com/users/kevinbism-1821196/

.

.

Benne Brown documents the need to find others who have experienced what happened to you.

• “I understand—I’ve been there.”

• “That’s happened to me too.”

• “It’s OK, you’re normal.”

• “I understand what that’s like.”

.

.

My two cents: Yesterday’s post was my way of trying to connect with any guy who has experienced their girlfriend being gangraped.

I am searching for someone who can say “That’s happened to me too.”

Male shame is a taboo subject with male on male rape the only subject addressed.

We men do not talk about shame, bury our shame as deep as possible.

If it is done publicity in front of your peers, it changes life.

I can not find evidence others have experienced this, and more importantly how did they survive.

I guess I am unique , a guy sharing the most humiliating event in his life, honestly.

This is different for me, instead of being the authority and helping others, I am asking for help.

It’s been a long journey to find this trauma hidden underneath a whole childhood of abuse. It feels overwhelming when combined with my childhood.

Is there a guy who has experienced my trauma, please comfort me a little?

.

.

%d bloggers like this: