.
Feeling vulnerable has many different intensities, some minor while others are paralyzing.
.

.
Feeling vulnerable was a constant childhood companion.
I was force-fed a food I vomited every week (lima beans) then dad would beat me with a specially made paddle with holes drilled in it.
He would scream and berate me like I committed a mortal sin, did other kids face these things weekly?
Forced feeding is considered torture in some circles.
Now, I avoid lima means altogether, a strategy, the easiest part of my PTSD. Is sarcasm part of an abused kids DNA?
If we are going to improve, we must be able to function when PTSD intensifies or explodes.
I have hunted down my original triggers, demystified them, and calmed the fight or flight mechanism surrounding them.
They do not pose the same threat but are awkward, uncomfortable, and still contain suffering.
Yes, I avoid many things and struggle with the depressive part of my complex PTSD more than the anxiety.
Complex PTSD still has its moments of destruction and turmoil.
My behavior is still impacted but that impact has lessened.
To heal we must take risks, and exist in very vulnerable spaces.
I risk, briefly join the masses, then retreat and hide.
Oh, it’s a well-practiced habitual pattern of mine.
Be aware of your patterns!
.
.