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As a child being criticized constantly, followed by physical violence, my self-worth was destroyed.
I felt like I did not deserve or belong on this earth.
My nervous system stayed on constant alert, life was lived with anxiety and fear of abandonment.
I was always fighting an internal battle as life overwhelmed me. My early life was lived inside my head, in a make-believe world.
Living in constant fear as a kid, corrupted my view of myself and the world around me.
Now, as an old man of 71, memories arrive connected to emotional distress and anxiety.
Funny how trauma memories(implicit memories) have all the anxiety and fear of the original event.
It is how they are stored, short powerful snippets of charged emotions.
This morning an old buried, long-forgotten memory came back to life without provocation.
We never know what will surface from our childhood.
It’s hard to feel self-worth at times, while happiness is covered by traumas abstract fear.
My mind wants to engage and change the memory but that only fuels its longevity.
Best practice is to follow the breath while letting memories fade without attention.
Life is a minefield for adults with a history of childhood abuse.
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