Posts Tagged ‘Desire’

healthy and unhealthy Desire

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The Buddha made a useful distinction between two kinds of desire.

First, there is healthy desire, such as trying to be more patient and loving.

Second, there is an unhealthy desire–the craving mentioned in chapter 2–that causes so much suffering.

For example, this kind of desire is active when we run away from or fight with what is painful, get driven about or addicted to what is pleasurable, or keep trying to impress other people.

So the issue is not desire per se but rather:

.Can we desire what is beneficial for ourselves and others?

.Can we pursue it with skillful means? For example, there might be a positive aim, such as helping a child read, but if a parent goes about it yelling, that’s not skillful.

.Can we be at peace with what happens? Different parts of the brain handle liking—-enjoying or preferring something—-and wanting, in the sense of craving.

This means it is possible to aim high and be ambitious without being consumed by pressure and drivenness.

Sure, there could be disappointment about not achieving a goal, but there can also be acceptance— and enthusiasm for the next opportunity.

from “Neurodharma” Rick Hanson

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Me and Victimhood

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I have waged a battle, an intense effort to never be a victim for long.

Realize we have no way of protecting ourselves completely from being traumatized.

My traumatizing childhood did not stop me from becoming a professional athlete.

My chronic pain did not take my life away for long. In front of 15 group members, I said we need to throw away the opioids and exercise. One guy followed me out.

Being paralyzed with Guillian Beret, I got up and took three steps when doctors and specialists told me I would be in a wheel chair for a couple years.

For the last two plus months with my college trauma exploding, I have been a victim.

I HATE THAT!

All my tools and skills have not slowed the onslaught of fear and humiliation.

Now, my flag is planted against feeling sorry for myself, being numb or feeling worthless.

It takes me awhile to recognize where the real battle is being fought.

The battle is inside my head, not external.

Physical challenges are second nature to me, the emotional, betrayal trauma is my kryptonite.

While in rehab, paralyzed with intense pain, I thought why me.

No way to heal when, Why me is our mantra.

I was a pro jock and a seasoned meditator, Why not me.

Once you accept the challenge in its entirety, the battle of wills begins.

Victimhood ends. We do not have to win but keep battling.

Some periods of my life are filled with times of never giving up.

Playing defense, not making decisions and increasing my effort every time trauma enters my space, is the way I exist.

This usually leads to more wellbeing.

How about your experiences?

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Part 2: narrative based and immediate based selfs

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Neurological research using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has shown that these two forms of self-awareness—narrative-based self and immediacy-based self—are located in two separate areas of the brain (Farb et al. 2007).

Using neuroimagery, which can detect which “self” people are operating from, this study compared novice meditators to people who had participated in an eight-week program in mindfulness meditation.

When participants shifted from a narrative focus to their immediate experience, fMRIs indicated that the experienced meditators had less activity in the region associated with the narrative-based self.

In other words, through the practice of mindfulness meditation we can disidentify from the self we’ve created with our stories and discover a new sense of self based in the present moment.

The narrative-based self lives in a continuum of past and future, and as such is the source of wanting, dissatisfaction, and judging—in short, suffering.

The immediacy-based self exists only in the here and now.

These two orientations in the world are fundamentally (and neurologically) different.

The immediacy-based self lives with the inescapable emotional pain of being human, yet it is also present for the breeze on your face or the birdsong that you cannot feel or hear when you’re preoccupied with thoughts and stories.

The narrative-based self can help you avoid much of the emotional pain that’s inevitable when living in the here and now, but you pay the price, as you must instead live with the suffering that self-limiting stories create.

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Have you ever practiced, Not being Special?

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From “Buddha’s Brain”

“Consider renouncing specialness—including being important and admired.

Renunciation is the antithesis of clinging, and thus a radical path to happiness.

Say phrases like these in your mind, and notice what they feel like:

I give up being important. I renounce seeking approval.

Feel the peace in this surrender.

Love the person you are, much as you would care about any person dear to you.

But don’t love the self or any other mere mind-object.”

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My two cents: That mere mind-object (Ego) wants to be the most important person in the room.

He/She believes achievement, power, approval and status are connected to happiness.

It was most difficult for me to not overachieve, trying to make up for my unworthiness.

I was always trying to win worthiness through achievement.

My father wanted me to be a great professional baseball player, I was so attached to that goal, it became me.

Happiness or contentment never visited me.

All that energy, emotion and intent made suffering a constant companion.

I learned happiness only visits one time zone, the present moment.

Needing to achieve is always in the future.

Extra credit: https://ptsdawayout.com/2020/01/06/aloneness-is-not-for-those-who-want-to-be-special/

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Politics have always been a battle between _______

Jaws” released by Universal Studios in 1975 directed by Steven Spielberg

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The year 1975, the place Amity Island, the battle is the same as now, profit (economy) versus safety. Who wins?

 

Indecision or greed costs lives then and now.

 

The masses rarely have insight into the real danger, the scope of their privileged decisions at our expense..

 

Maybe, why some think used car salesman have more integrity than politicians.

 

Hard to think a spiritual leader like the 14th Dalai Lama in Washington politics.

 

A human being who has devoted his life to having less “Ego” and more equanimity, would not waste his life in politics.

 

Greed, status and power have no foundation in his life.

 

Even my humble spiritual journey sees politics as a cesspool of ultimate power!

 

Politics attracts huge “Egos” competing for status, power and legacy.

 

Happiness seems rare in this backstabbing environment.

 

Mard Gras this year is an example:   https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/13/us/coronavirus-new-orleans-mardi-gras.html

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The CONTRAST before and after HEALING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Severe childhood abuse impacted how my mind wired together, besides filling my amygdala with trauma laced implicit memories.

Even after healing, remnants exist in the recesses of my mind.

Before I healed, suffering was compounded by thoughts that were endless, intrusive and completely unworthy in nature.

Severely abused kids carry the damage not only in the mind but throughout our bodies.

Hard to describe an upside down nervous system erupting double digit times everyday.

Healing was long, arduous and painful for me.

The contrast before and after healing, Startling.

Just the elimination of intrusive thoughts seemed Euphoric.

The absence of suffering can be considered Exhilarating on its own.

The cessation of never feeling good enough Ecstatic.

This concept like PTSD can not be described by words but experienced in real life.

Beyond the euphoric and ecstatic, the ability to let the noise go and enter this moment unencumbered by unworthy thought, seems miraculous at first.

Yes, I came back to earth after a while.

Learning to accept and not question or resent my childhood abuse was not easy.

Moving forward, my childhood still can be awakened and unleashed.

This lives a short existence now, but I admit, yearning for happy go lucky moments, still overtakes my desires.

I guess we all wish for things we will never experience.

That desire is not a need and fades as quickly as unwanted thought, now.

Moral of the story: Never give up, never give in, fight for your wellbeing.

It is the journey we need to improve, not the destination.

The destination is always death, so enjoy the ride as much as possible.

That does not mean chasing pleasure but have enormous gratitude and be a world class giver for a start.

Have a good journey today.

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Mindfulness versus Selfishness

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A mindful existence resembles a giver, a person with a healthy list of things he/she is grateful for. A selfish existence brings a sense of lack, a takers mentality.

Kindness, compassion and empathy are other traits a mindful person strives to incorporate into daily life.

Selfishness could be considered as the antithesis of mindfulness.

Mindfulness strives to do no harm, first to ourselves, then to all we meet.

Selfishness leads to suffering, a heightened sense of lack haunts us.

Happiness is not found out there, that sense of lack is created by our unworthy “Ego”.

Change your behavior, be kind instead of selfish, be a giver not a taker, use compassion, be a helper instead of a harsh critic.

Possessions, status, and power are fleeting, kindness to others, giving, lasts beyond our death.

We are on this journey together, not in competition.

There is plenty for all of us, realize happiness is tied to how we treat those less fortunate.

Release that sense of lack, increase your awareness of the gratitude before you.

Smile, be kind, be compassionate, give and be happy.

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Can we influence Desire!

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Witnessing peoples desires, puzzles me.

The desire to heal rarely matches the desire to do the daily work.

Human nature explains that but suffering is the result.

In my opinion less than 5% commit to daily action.

The question becomes, are you one of the 5%?

What is different about these doers?

What can you do to join these ranks?

Any suggestions or comments.

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Taking any action moves us out of the victimhood house.

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If you suffer from a mental disorder, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, etc., action is mandated.

How would you describe your situation, if you are not taking any daily action to heal?

That would signal defeat for me, I had quit. I had given up!

Wow, no way I am joining that team.

I rather be dead than live a victims life.

I believe in “Never give in, Never give up” a 1000%.

It is a choice.

If you are not trying, do you expect healing to happen on its own?

Do you think a therapist is going to heal you?

Do you avoid holding yourself responsible.

Victims take no responsibility or daily action to heal.

Healing is a choice to take daily action or surrender.

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What is your life’s purpose?

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Mine has changed drastically as I have aged. Fame and fortune blinded my early years.

Childhood trauma stole years from my mid 20’s until mid 50’s.

Lost and suffering clouded any purpose I had.

Healing and meditating brought clarity and a clear purpose, to be happy.

Matthew Ricard says our purpose in life is to be “Happy”.

Happiness takes surrendering to your fears, stockpiling enormous amounts of gratitude, then helping others less fortunate on this path.

Happiness comes to humble, aware souls who let the “Egos” selfishness fade with a lack of attention.

Happiness has nothing to do with achievement, adulation, success or approval.

Can you imagine being happy in stressful, awkward situations.

Accepting life’s challenges is the fork in the road we need to choose.

As long as I show up enthusiastic and give all out effort, the results do not matter.

Behaving like this gives us the best chance for success anyway.

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