Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Ptsd on Campus: Rape and Gangrape

Pixabay: geralt

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PTSD by definition is irrational.

It is a survival reaction when no real danger exists.

Life is irrational inside my trauma, experiencing the event.

My girlfriend was gangraped at a frat house.

I saw what it did to her, I experienced the assault through the damage it did to her.

They bragged about what they did on that small campus, gangrape was not enough to fulfill their brutal lust, public ridicule and humiliation was added.

Now, this event and the terror and humiliation I felt are alive like it was yesterday.

That is irrational but the drugs and movie that plays brings enormous sadness.

One gals dreams ended that night.

I witnessed a kind 19 year old girl be destroyed emotionally.

She was never the same.

Life’s value took a big hit for me. Nothing I could accomplish could fix or change what happened to her.

Life is so cruel at times.

Life would never be same for her or me.

Rationally I know this has no power in this moment but it brings a deep deep sadness to my soul.

No,wonder I buried this.

Comments or opinions are welcomed.

How does It make you feel?

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PTSD is a bluff, the real danger is over. Sometimes for decades

https://pixabay.com/users/Prawny-162579/

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In my life two big traumas dominate all others, childhood and a horrific assault in college.

Neither one caused PTSD until decades later, childhood trauma erupted after a family crisis triggered my panic, the latter exploded during this pandemic and quarantine.

I thought healing was complete as my childhood trauma integrated. Then isolated with this quarantine, an old horrific event surfaced with enormous energy (fear, humiliation, shame and unworthiness).

In the beginning trauma becomes real for us, I was transported back to the event with all the highly charged fight or flight drugs being dumped into my blood stream.

The neurotransmitters are real, the emotions are the same, saved then stored at the time it happened.

For me, a short emotionally charged movie plays, whenever and wherever it decides.

Remember, we can not reach our trauma consciously, it has full autonomy to come and go anytime.

If I interact with these images and judgments, my trauma grows and gets worse.

Staying present, observing this movie is the best I can do.

We all try to manipulate and change the outcome of the event, but the danger is over and the event is now implicit memory.

No real danger exists now, PTSD is a bluff, an over compensation of our defense mechanism to protect from future trauma.

If I try to influence these judgments or the movie it grows. Avoiding, denying and dissociating are jet fuel for PTSD.

Pulling back, focused on my breath, watching the judgments and movie leave my consciousness, is my goal.

I do not control how many times I need accomplish this task for healing to be complete.

Our journey has more well being when we stay in the present moment, whether we be a normal person or a sufferer of complex PTSD.

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Tazzie responds to a post on betrayal trauma

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I follow Tazzie’s blog and find her an inspiration. Oh she lives in Tasmania.

https://echidna.home.blog

“What incredible research and statistics. My partner and I tried to be as honest and open in all areas of our relationship. Yet I feel as being his third long term partner, and one after a relationship with a woman who treated him terribly our honesty and respect unconditional love and not fearing how our words would be taken wrongly allowed us to have a very deep level of love. My partner had had prostate cancer and this impacted his ability at times, he was deeply ashamed of this. Worried how I would react. We were totally open about it. things improved greatly and he shared that with me he never felt in adequate or a need to perform.

I feel so little real information is shared honestly and openly about sex. The crap that is written in magazines and tv movies. Expectations and that it will be wonderful. The shame of body image. Aging, odours, natural odours that have the pheremones being sanatised and destroyed by chemicals.

The pornogrpahy industry showing ridiculous situations fantasies, and all that goes with it. Fictional and not reality but often the only way many see the sexual act displayed. Sigh.

Sex and sexuality, expectation and reality. Not being honest, not communicating about what you like, and how before you marry or commit to a relationship with someone who may not really be on the same page or need as you are in the sex department.

I know that my partner and I were very very lucky but we did work very hard at communicating and not judging. When he became ill with his cancer, he told me it would be OK if I had sex with someone else I told him how touched and appreciated I was by his very kind words. I told him it meant a lot to me but he meant more and I knew at this point in his life if I did that even with his blessing it would hurt him. I also told him that I was quite happy if I needed to to masturbate, something he quite enjoyed being present for. lol he found it fascinating.

I feel sex is one thing but a sexual relationship and a commitment to being a couple goes deeper than sex. Many women find masturbation satisfies them better than sex with their partner. Have they shared it with their partner maybe not.

I am a very open and willing person in relationships within reason and my being in charge of my situation(not sure that makes sense) So if any person I was in a relationship with say went off and had sex with say a paid sex worker or an affair. I would much prefer that it was a safe hygiene where the sex worker was not taken advantage off, but a ‘professional’ than if the person had an affair. Firstly I would want to know why my partner had done this, and what I was not willing to do to satisfythe need. If I was nt willing but the person told me and still needed that to help then it would be to me no different to other therapies that help people cope. It is a business transaction, not emotional. If it was an affair, why? would I want the person still to be in my life if they did not want to be with me, I dont think so. As I age Sex is important but it is such a transient thing dependent on so many things. Both parties feeling like it at the same moment, weariness, children, stress, work, finances, body image, making noise and disturbing neighbours, having different desires (consenting adults ones) comfort levels, education regarding sex. some people seeing it as a necessity but not enjoyable, other loving it. Not feeling satisfied by it. feeling inadequate.

It is really a tragedy that so much is put upon sex in a realtionship. If you are really having such incredible issues in regard to your partners sexual needs (as long as they are in regard to consensual adults) than perhaps love is not what you have but a dream of what you thought it would be.

I believe you have to be honest before committing to live with someone. Be honest with yourself too. If you can not communicate about sex, openly with the person that might be a red flag.

I have never been married as I see it as a institution by the religious organisations to keep woman powerless and certainly in our history as chattels and owned by their spouses. Even now many religious services continue to have obey for the woman to say to the man but not the other way.

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PTSD is not a normal memory, it is stored as imminent danger

Pixabay: jarmoluk

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PTSD stores trauma in a special place, different than normal memories.

Regular Memories are easily accessible for viewing, trauma memories are not.

Trauma memories can bring the past back in vivid color with all the emotions, even terror like it just happened.

Normal memories never elicit the fear and terror that implicit memories bring to our nervous system.

Of special note, Trauma activates our fight or flight mechanism, brings a slew of symptoms from avoidance to dissociation to hyper vigilance.

Normal memories can be joyful, pleasant and calming, trauma memories bring imminent danger.

PTSD makes us relive our past abuse until we integrate that trauma memory (implicit memory).

This implicit memory is stored in our right hemisphere, unaccessible consciously.

This is why talking has no impact on healing Implicit memory or PTSD.

PTSD is a dilemma, it does not improve with time, actually PTSD gets worse as time passes.

PTSD is complex, healing very simple, no not easy.

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Self Talk and how it works

https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/

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Psychologist, anxiety treatment specialist and author, Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D, defines Self Talk and how it works:

“It is so automatic and subtle you don’t notice it or the effect it has on your moods and feelings.

It appears in telegraphic form- one short word or image (”Oh no!) contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.

Anxious self-talk is typically irrational but almost always sounds like the truth.

Negative self-talk perpetuates avoidance.

Self-talk can initiate or aggravate a panic attack.

Negative self-talk is a series of negative bad habits.

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My two cents: I believe this self talk reflects our self image. A happy person will have a positive self image and self talk.

A depressed person with complex PTSD will have an unworthy self image and Négative self talk.

We can change self image and self talk, but not easily.

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An important relationship that stays hidden!

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Many things we experience daily are overlooked, almost invisible in plain sight.

If I were to ask you to describe everything in a room, the two most dominant things would be overlooked.

Similar to this, we hardly ever consider the relationship with our mind even exists.

As a somewhat seasoned meditator, an old guy, I never knew the importance of my relationship with my own mind.

Being severely abused as a child, my mind did not wire properly from the start.

An abused child needs much more work to have a healthy relationship with their mind.

Worry, doubt, fear, shame, joy, happiness and anger spring forth from our minds.

Suffering and happiness are the extremes.

Meditation has taught me to let thoughts go, to resist the invisible prison negative thoughts and emotions surround us with.

The more I can stay present, focused, empty of negative influence, the greater chance for wellbeing and happiness.

Answer: The two dominant things in the room are light and the spaces between furniture and things.

Without light the room appears empty, without the spaces between objects it would be a storage unit.

We focus on all the chairs, tables, floor, and accessories, the two dominant things are invisible to us.

Think about your relationship with your mind.

Do you avoid and deny when trauma or emotionally awkward situations occur?

My mind needs more resilience, more self-compassion and more equanimity.

How about your mind?

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80% of Women do not like what they see in the Mirror

That’s Life by Mike Twohy

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“Among women over eighteen looking at themselves in the mirror, research indicates that at least eighty percent are unhappy with what they see.

Many will not even be seeing an accurate reflection.

Most of us have heard that people with anorexia see themselves as larger than they really are, but some recent research indicates that this kind of distorted body image is by no means confined to those suffering from eating disorders—in some studies up to eighty percent of women overestimated their size.

Increasing numbers of women with no weight problems or clinical psychological disorders look at themselves in the mirror and see ugliness and fat.

• According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, since 1997, there has been a 465 percent increase in the total number of cosmetic procedures.

• Women had nearly 10.7 million cosmetic procedures, ninety percent of the total. The number of cosmetic procedures for women has increased forty-nine percent since 2003.

• The top five surgical procedures for women were: liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgery, tummy tuck and facelift.

Americans spent just under $12.5 billion on cosmetic procedures in 2004. Who benefits from the appearance expectations?

• The $38 billion hair industry.

• The $33 billion diet industry.

• The $24 billion skincare industry.

• The $18 billion makeup industry.

• The $15 billion perfume industry.

• The $13 billion cosmetic surgery industry.”

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Early shame experiences stored as Trauma?

https://pixabay.com/users/ambermb-3121132/

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From Benne Brown:

“After studying Dr. Uram’s work, I believe it’s possible that many of our early shame experiences, especially with parents and caregivers, were stored in our brains as traumas.

This is why we often have such painful bodily reactions when we feel criticized, ridiculed, rejected and shamed.

Dr. Uram explains that the brain does not differentiate between overt or big trauma and covert or small, quiet trauma—it just registers the event as “a threat that we can’t control.”

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My two cents: I believe some emotions especially shame, enlarge our Trauma, our PTSD symptoms and the duration of our suffering.

My childhood trauma is the bed all other traumas in my life lay in.

My childhood trauma in fact, made me much more vulnerable for other traumas to happen.

Childhood trauma has crippled my resilience to handle betrayal.

Even now, if someone betrays me, they are done for life.

I have healed a couple of times but many behaviors and fears still operate.

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Benne Brown: It’s everything you have to deal with the rest of your life.

https://pixabay.com/users/rebcenter-moscow-6351207/

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“Experience: When I think of shame I think of being sexually abused when I was growing up.

I think about what that’s done to my life and how it’s changed everything.

It’s not just the abuse itself.

It’s everything you have to deal with the rest of your life.

It’s like you feel different from anyone else; nothing is ever normal for you.

Everything is about that.

I’m not allowed just to have a regular life.

That is the thing that made me who I am and so everything is stained by that.

That’s what shame is for me.

Emotions: Feeling labeled, dismissed, misunderstood and reduced.

Emotions might include grief, loss, frustration and anger.

Dig Deep: Have you ever been defined by an experience? Found yourself unable to get out from under a reputation or “an incident”?

Have you ever been unfairly labeled?

Have you ever had people attribute your behaviors to an identity you don’t deserve?

Have you ever fought to overcome something, only to find others less than willing to move past it?”

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the need to know that we are not alone.

https://pixabay.com/users/Greyerbaby-2323/

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Benne Brown:

“Empathy seeking is driven by the need to know that we are not alone.

We need to know that other people have experienced similar feelings and that our experiences don’t keep us from being accepted and affirmed.

Empathy helps us move away from shame toward resilience.

Sympathy, on the other hand, can actually exacerbate shame.”

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