Posts Tagged ‘C-PTSD’

Emotions are so confusing, appearing out of memories without any current stimulus.



PTSD brings an emotion, sadness from four decades ago.

It feels real. Is it real?

Sure feels real but it is many decades past.

My mind must be broke.

The mind (PTSD) creates negative emotions from past memories.

Why do they have power in this current space?


Emotions can last as little as three seconds or with PTSD many decades.

Childhood Trauma is emblazoned forever inside our adolescent brains.

Seems that old sadness feels like fake sadness, or stale sadness, not fresh, not applicable to me, now.

I have eliminated some of these old trauma emotions, more to go for us, it seems.

If you give up easy, childhood PTSD will become Satan.



Find a way to increase your desire to heal.



Repetition overcomes thought. Thought is not needed or beneficial when enough repetitions are completed.

A great hitter or concert pianist is not thinking when performing.

It is our ability to let thought go at times, that saves us.

I outworked PTSD the first time it exploded.

Meditating five hours everyday for five years, it was a battle to the death inside my mind.

I meditated til thought finally stopped for brief moments. Not for the faint at heart ♥️ approach. My gallows humor. ☠️

You have to find what works for you.

If you find meditation difficult, pick a hobby you can engross yourself for hours. One follower does intricate bead work of exceptional quality.

Take your breath into your safe space and amplify wellbeing.

Next, let all negative emotions fade, grasp the positive ones with exuberance, then release.

Do not let anger, resentment, jealousy, hate etc. occupy space or time inside our mind.

Be aware of what the mind grasps.

Being present, in observer mode, empty of thought, focused on what my eyes see, eliminates worry, doubt and anxiety.

Thought brings so many negative emotions and consequences.

Learn to focus on five breaths intently. With five slow breaths we can always center quickly.

Being able to center and let go, let’s us see reality, clears the fog of trauma thought.

Practice short focus exercises, then apply at ever opportunity.

Find a way to increase your desire to heal.

Then take action, this step is essential.



The Craziness of PTSD: my biased opinion



PTSD is irrational by definition, it defies common sense and reality.

Decades old events exert power over today, our life.

I realize the turmoil is internal, inside my mind and body. PTSD is stored in the right amygdala and in our bodies.

This stored trauma erroneously spots present danger. In fact, a good part of our focus is spotting imminent danger.

We are experts compared to normal people. Normal people use that time we waste spotting fake danger, to attach and enjoy life.

We start to live life in survival mode, like we are a prison guard surrounded by real danger everyday.

Perception is reality. Look at the election, some think it was stolen and others thought it was fair.

So old trauma thoughts without external power have great influence on our life today.

Does that not seem incredible! Our defense mechanism becomes our main tormentor.

It’s broke, it’s called PTSD!.

I know my main trigger holds no real danger, in fact it is a neutral event.

The damage had to be severe, it had to threaten our life or our “Ego” with imminent danger.

Violence and abuse are culprits. Abandonment and humiliation can threaten our “Ego” with annihilation.

Something inside preferred death to humiliation at times.

I know that was my “Ego” feeling that way, not my true self.

Humiliation is a judgment. The same event does not humiliate everyone.

I can accept feeling humiliated or let it go as an erroneous judgment.

My choice, your choice!

In observer mode, humiliation is rare. Judgment is rare in observer mode.

PTSD is rare in observer mode.

I meditate to increase my ability to live in observer mode.

This solves many issues without thought.

All we can do, is our best. No goals just all out effort and a great attitude brings some wellbeing.



Managing the anxiety PTSD brings


I inherited an over active nervous system from my mother. Serious childhood abuse finished the job, I would struggle with PTSD triggers.

My initial mistakes were like yours, avoidance, denial, isolation, and way to much thinking.

Thinking about my trauma, my triggers, my judgments and cognitive solutions brought emotional and physical suffering.

Anxiety was a very familiar companion. So familiar, I was not aware of low levels always agitating my body.

My Solution: I targeted lower level anxiety issues at first.

Someone cutting me off in traffic, an aggravating discussion with a workmate, or waking in the morning with unattached anxiety flowing, were prime targets.

Practice was needed before facing my triggers exploding.

Each time I became aware of agitation, anxiety or nervous energy, I would focus, then slow my breath.

Each event, each practice strengthened my ability. I would focus, breathe slowly until calm returned.

I would not give up until my nervous system calmed. My nervous had to know I was dead serious.

In due time, I was ready to dissipate a full blown trigger firing.

Same adrenaline and cortisol, just a bigger volume.

By this time we are familiar with our anxiety and body sensations.

PTSD provides anxiety tests for us each day.

This physical part we can control with practice and application.



Right Hemisphere is where I healed

Pixabay: geralt
My healing after exhausting many therapies, stagnated helplessly as my cortisol levels reached dangerous levels.

Intrusive thoughts accompanied every trigger, haunting me for days.

Trying to figure out the meaning of the trigger first, then how to think my way out took over my existence.

After a while, I feared what my mind would do after a trigger, more than the trigger itself.

Relief came when a mindfully based therapy, Accecptance and Committment Therapy appeared.

Meditation was the only practice or therapy that made significant improvement for me.

I learned to focus intently, to let thoughts fade, to be the observer of my body sensations.

This skill transported me to my right hemisphere.

It is a place where PTSD can not exist.

Our right hemisphere has no intrusive thoughts, in fact, it has no thought, judgment, right or wrong and it knows no past or future.

PTSD dies in this space.

PTSD heals in this space.

Trauma memories can be integrated to present moment.

Our left prefrontal cortex is repaired from traumas damage.

It is the fastest way to improve, heal.

During meditation, I will take my breath to my right hemisphere, silently observing that space.

Thoughts signal I have lost my focus.

Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.” (PTSD)

Pixabay: www_slon_pics



“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. . . .

Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”

—Bessel van der Kolk



My two cents: Let the storyline fade away, take the breath to the middle of the unrest, the body sensations.

Know where trauma manifests in your body.

Know where fear and anger reside, become familiar with the body sensations.

Does anger and fear manifest in the same spot?

We spend so much time worrying, doubting and fearing, why not connect these emotions with body sensations.

Mine manifest in my solar plexus.

That big cortisol jolt, paralyzes the center of my chest, violently.

My fight or flight roares with a vengeance when triggered.



How to minimize Dissociation



The most damaging PTSD symptom is Dissociation, leaving this present moment in thought, entering the past or future.

This is jet fuel for trauma. Any skill we can develop to stay present brings improvement.

Here are a few grounding exercises: Pick out a visual subject, maybe a flower, a building or a picture. Study it in detail for thirty seconds.

Now draw as much detail as you can remember. Yes, we did not study our object like we can.

Now do it again, see how much deeper you view the object the second time. We look but really do not see, a lot.

I practice being observer. Going in a public place, I observe people and try not to judge. If I judge, I vacate the judgment, then reset. This takes practice.

I use my eyes to be present. I look closely, in detail, to the landscape in front of me. Maybe a mountain, trees or a interior wall, but all of them exist only in this moment.

Exercise: Oh yes, I have used aerobic exercise for many benefits.

When my mind is frozen from trauma fears, my legs can still move, gaining achievement and exhilaration. My mind gets to share my bodies achievement, expelling of poissons and aerobic focus.

Next, practice entering mundane chores everyday. Slow your movements, focus. Preparing a meal, I become the knife slicing the vegetables,

Let time fade away, we are preparing the best meal with current ingredients.

The second highest person in a Zen center is the cook.

Watch a Zen Buddhist monk, see his deliberate movement, mindfully orchestrated.

Thoughts hardly tempt these superstar meditators. Staying present has become an easy habit for them.

Yes, meditation will help heal our PTSD.

Takes daily practice. PTSD practices daily in my head.


Body and Mind: a partnership



Let’s look at life in a different way. We are granted a body at birth, sometimes parents are part of the package. A mind comes with that body, the organ that will decide if we find wellbeing, suffering or something in between.

The body deteriorates at a much faster pace than the mind in normal times. Think of the needs of your body, then your mind.

The body is never satisfied for long, desires are never fulfilled for long. Constantly fulfilling desire leads to addiction not wellbeing.

The greatest meal on earth keeps hunger pains away for maybe 8 or 10 hours. One meal does not sustain us forever.

I mean look how often we need oxygen, four breathes a minute, every 15 seconds of so.

Then the body starts deteriorating if we reach maturity. We wither and die, no one has escaped.

What does the mind need. Well it uses 25% of the bodies oxygen and is dépendant on the body being healthy.

The mind has the option of grasping our desires, then judging success or failure on how we fulfill them.

The mind can also discount the Ego’s needs, making decisions in an unbiased observer mode.

Wellbeing happens when these two forces are balanced.

We have to fulfill certain desires but we need balance and perspective.

One banana split is wonderful, the second damn good, the third brings stomach pains.

Substitute drugs, alcohol, sex, power, status or approval for the banana split.

More desire does not quench desire, it promulgates more and more.

“Happiness does not come from having much, but from being attached to little.”

—Venerable Cheng Yen!!!



Ego versus true self, divine presence, soul



“Ego, the self which he has believed himself to be,

is nothing but a pattern of habits.”

Alan Watts



My two cents: Our true self, soul, divine presence, is the same since birth, our shining light.

He/She stays mostly hidden because we concoct this identity figure, our “Ego”, that hogs the conscious stage.

Common sense and neuroscience tells me, he/she is a created myth.

How do we know this?

In observer mode, I can watch the thinker work.

Who is it that is observing the thinker?

Not the thinker (Ego), must be the power of our being.

Our true self, soul, divine presence is the Observer.

A healthy Ego is essential for wellbeing in limited quantities.

Our “Ego” was made for identity, a way of differentiating us from them, not the captain of our ship.

Do not promote an Ego, who behaves like a petulant adolescent at times to supreme leader.

Observer does not judge, he/she exists in present moment, empty of thought.

It is our default position, so we can take an unbiased look at our “Ego’s” latest judgments.

We see reality, clearly in observer mode.



PTSD’s schedule



PTSD has its own schedule, seemingly its own power source and strong stress hormones.

A trigger can explode at any time releasing cortisol, adrenaline and Norepinephrine into our blood stream.

High anxiety ensues.

The breath has great influence on our nervous system.

Until we learn to dissipate a trigger firing, we are at PTSD’s mercy.

I use ten, slow, focused breaths to accomplish this task.

Let the storyline fade, feel where your triggers manifest in the body.

Take your breath into the middle of your body sensation.

Know your fears physical manifestations.

Mine always jolts my solar plexus.



%d bloggers like this: