Posts Tagged ‘Blame’

Responsibility

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In the beginning of my healing journey, I blamed my father for his constant abuse toward me.

Yes, he was a violent narcissist but my blame only harmed me.

I would read you must forgive your abuser to heal.

I struggled with forgiveness and languished in my blame and guilt.

Eventually a solution arrived.

I would let my father be responsible for his life and I would be responsible for mine.

He was raised in a family of 16 and was a narcissist, maybe he did the best he could.

My new found responsibility opened the door to healing.

However you get there, take responsibility for your life.

Blame led to more suffering for me.

Blame made me a victim, responsibility removed that burden.

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A viewers asks about dissociation

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Rio commented: “I have made friends with someone who disassociates. There are times when he reaches out for help but I am unable to offer as I don’t know the best type of reply /response. Where can I find out more from the other side of the story.”
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If you make it complex it will be complex and become impossible to alter.
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If you want to use the simplest of building blocks, breathe with him.
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Use my model. Print a copy and trace one breathing cycle with him then another (inhale, pause, exhale, pause).
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Use the words let go, come back to now, see the flowers, smell the coffee, feel the air filling then exiting your lungs.
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You could smack him across the face and tell him to look you in the eye. That would bring him back to the present moment also. Kinda harsh and hard on the friendship, though.
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Three breathes and your friend will be back in the present.
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The task is simple, the application is constant.
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Ask your friend from time to time where he is at? You may find this practice a benefit to your life also.
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The mind can be trained, asked any Buddhist monk.
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Blame is not always overt, in plain sight, not always direct or immediate!

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When my trauma exploded, much later in life, I held my dad responsible in many ways!
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Later, I realized it was the barrier, the wall blocking my healing, my pursuit of being happy one day.
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I was hard headed, it took a long time before I shouldered responsibility for myself.
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That day, healing began, I accepted me, finally.
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Please accept you today.
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Begin a new journey, one without the ego directing the ship.
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