
CT scans belong to children of the same age, you’ll notice that the one on the left is much bigger and has fewer blurred structures than the one on the right.
This radical difference is not caused by disease or physical injury, it’s actually the result of extreme emotional trauma and neglect.
The image comes from a paper by Professor Bruce D Perry, Chief of Psychiatry at Texas Children’s Hospital.
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Feeling good about ourselves, in childhood, in early adulthood and old age, never quite crystslizes for us.
We have that void, it is the space in our brain that being hugged, supported and loved accumulated as the base for self worth. That does not exist for us.
Ours never felt safe, instead it spotted danger, in fact imminent danger.
We have an uninvited ghost (childhood PTSD) sabotaging our “Ego” and self worth from inside our 🧠 brain.
From my perspective, all my therapy, all the books I have devoured and all the actual application of my healing skills, highlighted how much different I was from a normal person.
Instead of belonging to a family, feeling safe, secure, we are outcast from the earliest age.
For the rest of our lives, we subconsciously crave to be normal, included, invisible in the midst of our peers.
We never get close.
My joy in this life only came when I gave up the desire to be normal.
Do I have to state the obvious, that is very, very, not normal.
We live the road less 🧳 traveled, not by choice but by the unwanted abuse we endured as kids.
We spend weeks, actually a lifetime looking for inclusion and self worth.
Common man terms, we crave approval and inclusion, we are terrified of betrayal and ridicule.
We covet things that bring us approval.
Sad, none of these things contain what we lack, wellbeing, love, trust, or happiness.
Without great introspection and effort to improve, we suffer until we die.
I have found myself in two groups in my life that I never desired, chronic pain and PTSD.
It is how we accept our fate, then our ability to fight, that determines if we can carve out a small piece of mind.
This blog has given me a platform to finally feel included to a group.
I belong to your group, fellow abused kids trying to figure out trauma and find the courage to continue living.
I see it in the compassion and sharing of feelings in the response section.
This is one of the few places where I am understood and valued.
Thank you for that.
We are very hard to describe or define, we never really know why we feel and act in certain situations.
I need to work on forgiving myself everyday, it is that stream of guilt that runs underground inside us that haunts me.
Funny, when I am most vulnerable, seemingly in victim mode, sharing my weaknesses, is when my followers have given me a cyber hug.
For me, I have received more kindness on this blog than from real life.
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