Posts Tagged ‘Attitude’

5 Jun

Updated: I always thought my inner child was the weakest most damaged part of me

Posted by Marty in My Favorites. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/4574037110564549/

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Childhood trauma has this extra dimension, an inner child who had to navigate abuse while the brain was not developed. We can integrate all the trauma we experienced and still our hardwiring is unchanged.

I saw my abused inner child, as vulnerable and weak, the origin of all the PTSD. My thought was it needed fixing, repaired, made over.

Shifting my focus away from trauma and triggers into functioning in this moment, has brought a massive change in how I see my inner child.

Without knowing it, in a response I wrote to the last post, my inner child became the strongest, bravest part of me.

My inner child had the fewest tools, was the most vulnerable part of my life but he survived the greatest abuse, childhood.

Instead of a meek coward, he navigated his way into adulthood with great strength. As an adult I see he survived where mature Marty would of failed.

Is this thinking outside the box or just Awareness being a reward for my inner exploration?

That inner child had strengths others did not have. He could endure intense pain and still take action.

My inner child developed incredible willpower and never gave up in the face of hardship.

What a paradigm shift from victim to my leading freedom fighter.

Now my challenge is to soothe that inner child in current situations, reparent in a way.

Again, this approach is trying to not handle my trauma, it is about functioning now, in this situation, this moment.

I have danced around the inner child numerous times and have written posts in the past, but something was different this time.

I never thought my inner child was the bravest part of my life.

My perceived weakness might be my biggest strength in reality.

How about you?

Your inner child helped you survive also.

He/She maybe your ultimate strength, not the damaged mess we perceive.

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17 May

Our Inner Condition

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , .


Matthew Ricard from “Happiness”

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https://unsplash.com/@hesterqiang

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“We willingly spend a dozen years in school, then go on to college or professional training for several more; we work out at the gym to stay healthy;

we spend a lot of time enhancing our comfort, our wealth, and our social status.

We put a great deal into all this, and yet we do so little to improve the inner condition that determines the very quality of our lives.

What strange hesitancy, fear, or apathy stops us from looking within ourselves, from trying to grasp the true essence of joy and sadness, desire and hatred?”

Fear of the unknown prevails, and the courage to explore that inner world fails at the frontier of our mind.
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My two cents: What an ominous phrase, at the frontier of our mind. That means our mind is massive.

Talking with my grandson’s soccer and baseball coach, he said confidence, the attitude of the mind means everything even at 9.

Can we have a good attitude living with PTSD?

Our mental attitude means everything when dealing with PTSD.

What does your scoreboard look like, time of day with good versus bad attitude?

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16 May

Matthew Ricard: Aversion

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , .

https://pixabay.com/users/glavo-6474130/


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“Aversion is the negative side of attachment; we may have aversion to failure, loss, instability, or discomfort; and we usually believe that if the things toward which we feel aversion happen, we’ll surely be unhappy.

It can’t be emphasized enough that to experience genuine happiness we first have to recognize what blocks it.

This includes seeing our attachments, the things we believe will bring us happiness, but which actually do just the opposite.

We will continue to pursue the conditioned strategies of behavior that we hope will bring us happiness as long as we believe they are working.

And because they sometimes do bring us some degree of personal happiness, these behaviors can get reinforced for a long time.

That’s how people get caught on the treadmill of their attachments and routines for a lifetime without making any effort to change.

Paradoxically, we’re actually fortunate if life occasionally serves us a big dose of disappointment, because it forces us to question whether our attachments and strategies really serve us.”
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11 Apr

It takes action, practice, hard work and guts to heal

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

https://www.boredpanda.com/titanic

First class menu

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“Meditation is a matter not of theory but of practice, just as it does not satisfy your hunger to read a restaurant menu if you are not going to eat something from it.”

Matthew Ricard from “Happiness”

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https://www.boredpanda.com/titanic

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My two cents: Healing is not a spectators sport, reading heals nothing, it takes daily action.

We PTSDers avoid and isolate, go numb and sedentary.

Taking action in the face of fear and anxiety is a necessity.

It takes great desire, focus and persistence, besides courage to heal.

It is a moment-to-moment battle with our thoughts, anxiety, and fear.

Know the playing field, be prepared, have an attack plan, and finally develop your tools.

Healing is not for the faint of heart, victims find it difficult if not nearly impossible to take action.

We must prepare and accept PTSD’s suffering, then take healing action in the face of this fear.

We start with small actions and small incremental gains with daily work.

Sedentary is closer to death, action closer to life.

Your decision, your life.

happy Healing!


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Third class menu not so elegant!

https://www.boredpanda.com/titanic

10 Apr

Matthew Ricard: Authentic Happiness

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , .

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Authentic happiness is not linked to an activity; it is a state of being, a profound emotional balance struck by a subtle understanding of how the mind functions.

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While ordinary pleasures are produced by contact with pleasant objects and end when that contact is broken,

sukha (happiness) —lasting well-being—is felt so long as we remain in harmony with our inner nature.

One intrinsic aspect of it is selflessness, which radiates from within rather than focusing on the self.

One who is at peace with herself will contribute spontaneously to establishing peace within her family, her neighborhood, and, circumstances permitting, society at large.

In brief, there is no direct relationship between pleasure and happiness.

This distinction does not suggest that we mustn’t seek out pleasurable sensations.

There is no reason to deprive ourselves of the enjoyment of a magnificent landscape, of swimming in the sea, or of the scent of a rose.

Pleasures become obstacles only when they upset the mind’s equilibrium and lead to an obsession with gratification or an aversion to anything that thwarts them.
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5 Mar

Gaining an advantage: Dissociation is the Lynchpin!

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Dissociation is our biggest demon, staying present, letting go, being focused is our best defense, offense.

Dissociation fuels PTSD, the longer we spend in the past ruminating or in the future worrying, the more it powers up. Simple concept.

Our fight or flight mechanism firing reinforces the myth of trauma having real power.

We give PTSD its power by our judgments about the danger we feel.
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https://unsplash.com/@jasmin_sessler

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It feels like PTSD is powerful, physically and emotionally, we exhibit fear and anxiety at these high levels.

I had to accept being vulnerable, it was the only road open for healing.

Ptsd is a bluff, no harm is caused when our fight or flight mechanism fires, our nervous system returns to normal in 15 or 20 minutes.

We battle to accept, then surrender to that which we fear the most.

That does not sound easy and is not accomplished in a week or month.

We have to learn to sit quietly, in the middle of our anxiety and fear.

Ptsd is a mirage, specifically stored trauma poses no real danger to us.

Triggers fire but calm quickly, our thoughts and judgments fuel our fear.

No real fear exists.

After a trigger fires, we avoid, deny or run like hell, we think physical danger is near, however, nothing damaging happens.

We return to normal, unharmed but ready to run again and again.

It defies logic but PTSD is irrational by definition.

Takes daily practice, repeated attempts at staying present, failing over and over until PTSD loses some power.

Each day we become a little more familiar with our fight or flight mechanism, the patterns of thought, and anxiety.

Ptsd has access to the switch powering the fight or flight mechanism.

We can unplug this mechanism from PTSD.

Life changes when our fears calm around triggers.

We observe our trauma thoughts and emotions, feel the body sensations attached to that thought.

There is no replacement for ardent preparation and intense dedication followed by courage and persistence.
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27 Feb

Repeat after me, I am not a Victim!

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Yes I suffer at times, I am in pain at times, but I take daily action, I resist, I fight to live in this moment.

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https://pixabay.com/users/0fjd125gk87-51581/

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What do we call ourselves, a work in progress, a fighter, a survivor, a wounded soul, who cares?

We try not to judge, not to ruminate, thinking is the path that leads to victimhood.

We have to filter our life, our abuse, through our heart space, not our brain.

Cognitively my life makes no sense, most abused kids would agree with that statement.

Life is unfair, to be born into a family, where the giant male caregiver is a violent narcissist brings a heavy burden and a life companion called fear.

This is my challenge in life. This is my life!

Judge your life as egregiously unfair, and this victim anthem will be your swan song.

I accept my plight, even though the weight of abuse and the resulting PTSD symptoms are painful.

Accepting the burden liberates me to take action.

I have entertained, temporary feelings of sorrow in weak moments.

I despise that guy.

For me, taking daily action to heal, to eat right, to exercise vigorously, to focus and to desire well-being is fulfilling, a purpose, a spiritual journey.

This is the road less traveled, it is easy to be a victim, you do nothing then complain about it.

We have a choice.

Life is a moment-to-moment battle, do I stay focused, senses heightened, or do I ruminate into thought.

Take pride in your positive attitude, your willingness to take action in the face of anxiety and fear.
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26 Dec

PTSD insights

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , .


People diagnosed with complex Ptsd (childhood abuse) struggle on the cognitive side of our brain, the left hemisphere.

Pixabay Jordan_Singh

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Childhood trauma is irrational, common sense thinking leads us in circles.

The right hemisphere, our creative side, connects with our heart without thought.

The right hemisphere only knows this current moment, right now, the only place where PTSD dies as long as we immerse ourselves.

I have to leave worry alone, leave what might happen, and leave the past alone to escape PTSD.

Ptsd is not a single battle, each day brings challenges, a crisis could ignite a war.

Attitude can not depend on results.

I am a habitual man from my earlier days.

I get up, meditate, work on healing, do my chores and hike every day whether I feel great or suicidal.

We need a few things that PTSD can not stop or impact.

We need wins, actual power demonstrated through action.

This is not for the faint of heart, being a victim is easy, takes courage and strength to take daily action.

I may hide at times but I always do my routine.

I find a kind of peace with the familiarity.

My mind relaxes in the middle of focus.
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29 Aug

Permanent things, an old post

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , .

https://pixabay.com/users/prettysleepy-2973588/

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On my arduous journey with childhood trauma, I have found a few constants, permanent things, only a few.

Life is complex, things we thought vital in our youth, fade in importance as we age.

Things I coveted have changed in value, possessions get damaged, stolen, or worn out. Status, beauty, and health all deteriorate with time. My trophies took enormous effort, grueling competitiveness to attain, now they collect dust out of sight.

What seemed to hold ultimate happiness, disappoints quickly, then fades to the next challenge.

How many times have we chased things, college, career, status, fame, etc. searching for happiness, only to find nothing behind it.

The band that dreams of a miracle hit, expecting lasting happiness, finds intense pressure in a cutthroat business to write more hits quickly, instead.

The greatest, most expensive meal in the world, turns to hunger in six hours.

Fulfilling desire does not quench the beast, it feeds it.

What endures.

For me, two things off the top of my head, giving and gratitude are constants me. My emotions peak and valley like a big rollercoaster, but I am a giver and appreciate what I have.

Giving without regard for reward is called loving-kindness by the Buddhists, a tenet of wellbeing.

Giving has always been a part of my life, being able to run a blog that helps others improve, is precious in my life.

The bond I share with a few on this healing path endures and matures.

I always count my blessings and know others have it much tougher than me.

My meditation practice is permanent, a daily companion who asks no toll for soothing my being.

My permanent things have an abstract quality to them, unlike possesssions, we protect from thieves.

You can not steal my kindness, gratitude, or meditation practice. They cost nothing but are more valuable than all my possesssions.

The few things that I will leave this earth with.

How about you, what is permanent in your life?

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4 Aug

Childhood ptsd is hard on Relationships

Posted by Marty in Assorted. Tagged: , , , , , , , .

https://pixabay.com/users/analogicus-8164369/

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Relationships will always be difficult for abused kids. The experts tell us so.

PTSD was dormant until my late 50’s. The core trauma was alive in my subconscious, impacting my nervous system and behavior.

A family crisis released my childhood trauma, it exploded into consciousness. I would have trouble from that day being able to have friends.

I was not available, did not want to go out and be part of a friendship or group.

We cannot cultivate when our PTSD is at gale force.

Being agoraphobic limited my life and changed my marriage. Having triggers explode, paralyzed me, numbed me, and sharing the experience scared my partner even more.

My relationships were strained from mood swings, episodes of triggers isolated me while fear and anxiety changed my personality.

Finally, I see it was next to impossible to be a close friend.

This is more wreckage childhood PTSD has caused or I have caused. I guess they are the same person.

Life has always seemed out of control, I was always trying to catch up but an invisible demon-haunted me.

My life has been filled with turmoil, escaping PTSD symptoms has not gone well.

I struggle with relationships because I struggle mightily for any well-being.

Some of my past is a mess and I have responsibility for that mess.

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