Posts Tagged ‘Approval’

Approval and Condemnation


“As much as we thirst for approval we dread condemnation.”

Hans Selye



My two cents: Approval is far more important than we realize.

We want our families’ support and approval from strangers.

It is why we join teams, organizations, political parties, and gangs.

We fear criticism and condemnation.

I fear condemnation more than I crave approval.

How about you?

Our thoughts and behavior are different not less!

I have many trophies, many accomplishments, never could turn them in for even a day with peace of mind (happiness).



We have to become aware when we stick out, when our different thoughts and mind shows.

Some of my friends sày things consume me. They tell me I am different. I believe them. I know I am!

On a dating app, I shared my blog with an attractive female. Her response, she could never date someone who had a violent childhood like mine. My life shocked someone this bad.

How do you process that sentiment ?

Damn, more judgment and rejection. I did not abuse myself. Why should I be special, people hate because of skin color and politics these days.

Expect to be treated unfair and harsh at times. The world is not going to adjust to our PTSD needs.

I tried my damndest to fit in, be invisible, be one of the guys.

It felt like failure to be ostracized.

I judged myself as defective, as my peers did. Sports gave me status, my saving grace.

It was not happiness but it gave me some shade.

Now, I do not try to fit in.

It’s a big burden lifted. I do not need approval of others to complete myself anymore.

I see politicians with millions of loyal supporters seeking revenge.

Approval does not contain wellbeing or happiness. Movie stars would all live euphoric lives. Sadness would never visit their mansions.

Approval in fact is connected to criticism.

One who showers you with big approval, also carries big criticism in his/her bag.

Watch out!

Judgments are so impermanent, hard to believe we crave approval.

These attachments steal our focus.

Can you curb your need for approval?



Approval versus Acceptance



We wage a daily battle for attention, sometimes from others and other times for ourselves.

The need for attention manifests in our desire for approval.

Do we need approval more than accepting ourselves is the question.

The need for approval can lead to suffering and dominate our lives.

We do things for approval that wastes our time and energy.

Approval exists out there, externally and approval can change instantly.

Those who we seek approval from can also hand out criticism.

We have little control of exterior things.

If we feel flawed, dominated by worries, tortured by doubt, approval can feel like the path to happiness.

Exterior approval or criticism has little to do with a healthy and happy existence.

Learning to discount others opinion frees us to be present and alive.



From the book Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists by Kathy Steele and Onno van der Hart

painting by Scott Musgrove


“People with complex dissociative disorder were often confronted as children with situations that evoke extreme and overwhelming emotions. Generally younger children learn from their caregivers how to understand and regulate emotions.  People with dissociative disorder often grew up in families in which it was not acceptable to show or discuss certain emotions.

In some cases it was actually dangerous to express feelings, resulting in punishment, ridicule or complete disregard.  Parents or caregivers of people with complex dissociative disorder typically had a problem with emotions themselves and were thus unable to teach children adaptive and healthy skills to deal with emotions.  These children learn to avoid or disregard their own feelings.  They also have difficulty reflecting, that is, accurate reading other people’s emotions and intentions in the present, generally assuming something negative rather than positive.”




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