Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

Figuring out traumas impact

https://pixabay.com/users/kellepics-4893063/

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Why is our inner critic so powerful, so loud, so abusive?

My mom got pregnant at 16 in 1950’s America, dad was resentful of the burden I brought into his life. Kids raising a kid, add in one of those 16-year-olds is a violent narcissist, a recipe for failure.

Constant criticism and violence wired my brain to spot danger above all else, any other desire or need only received intermittent attention.

Spotting danger powered my PTSD symptoms: hypervigilance, isolation, avoidance, fight or flight firing, and depression grew stronger.

Calm, confident, relaxed never happened.

It’s a vicious cycle, power the symptoms and suffering expands.

How many seriously abused kids rewire their brains enough to escape PTSD’s damage?

Very, very, very few, I believe.

Many abused girls become drug addicts and prostitutes, boys become alcoholics, drug addicts, then commit violent crimes.

Child abuse and betrayal changes lives.

Looking back, I have had things done to me that I would rather have died instead of being shamed and betrayed. The damage done made life miserable.

A normal person would commit suicide if they inherited my brain, my childhood, my betrayal.

My intrusive thoughts would fry their brains.

I wish others could experience my mind for a day.

Yeah, they would feel intense fear, heightened anxiety, and worthlessness.

People, crowds, and strangers would feel dangerous and manipulative.

You would isolate yourself just like me and avoid triggers exploding.

Spotting danger would dominate every waking minute.

How exhausting!

Calm and confident would be strangers.
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Anger versus Fear: Ekman and the DALAI LAMA

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Ekman: “The most dramatic difference in the sensations is anger versus fear.

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https://unsplash.com/@mtimber71

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In anger, blood goes to your hands.

It is preparing you to hit.

In fear, it goes to the large muscles in your legs.

DALAI LAMA: So, preparing to run.

EKMAN: Yes, right. That does not mean you will run, or that you will hit. But evolution has prepared you in this way. And you can learn to be sensitive to the difference in how your body feels when you are afraid as compared to angry.

DALAI LAMA: But you can kick someone.

EKMAN: (Laughs.) You could kick someone, instead of running. Absolutely. But it is more likely that you will run. The reason why these differences were conserved is because those people who ran were more likely to survive—

DALAI LAMA: (Translated.) So it clearly demonstrates that it is really part of the mechanism for survival.
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Emotional Regulation: Yikes!!!!!!

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https://unsplash.com/@tengyart

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Excerpt: From Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD

“The Body Keeps the Score”

“When trauma emanates from within the family, children experience a crisis of loyalty and organize their behavior to survive within their families. Being prevented from articulating what they observe and experience, traumatized children will organize their behavior around keeping the secret, deal with their helplessness with compliance or defiance, and acclimate in any way they can to entrapment in abusive or neglectful situations.

Being left to their own devices leaves chronically traumatized children with deficits in emotional self-regulation. This results in problems with self-definition as reflected by a lack of a continuous sense of self, poorly modulated affect and impulse control, including aggression against self and others, and uncertainty about the reliability and predictability of others, expressed as distrust, suspiciousness, and problems with intimacy, resulting in social isolation.

Chronically traumatized children tend to suffer from distinct alterations in states of consciousness, including amnesia, hypermnesia, dissociation, depersonalization and derealization, flashbacks and nightmares of specific events, school problems, difficulties in attention regulation, disorientation in time and space, and sensorimotor developmental disorders. The children often are literally are “out of touch” with their feelings, and often have no language to describe internal states.

When a child lacks a sense of predictability, he or she may experience difficulty developing of object constancy and inner representations of their own inner world or their surroundings. As a result, they lack a good sense of cause and effect and of their own contributions to what happens to them.

Without internal maps to guide them, they act, instead of plan, and show their wishes in their behaviors, rather than discussing what they want. Unable to appreciate clearly who they or others are, they have problems enlisting other people as allies on their behalf. Other people are sources of terror or pleasure but are rarely fellow human beings with their own sets of needs and desires.

These children also have difficulty appreciating novelty. Without a map to compare and contrast, anything new is potentially threatening. What is familiar tends to be experienced as safer, even if it is a predictable source of terror.

Traumatized children rarely discuss their fears and traumas spontaneously. They also have little insight into the relationship between what they do, what they feel, and what has happened to them. They tend to communicate the nature of their traumatic past by repeating it in the form of interpersonal en- actments, both in their play and in their fantasy lives.

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A rerun: 5 Ways Anger is Not Like Other Emotions By Jonice Webb

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/21462535715145928/

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Anger is not just any old emotion. It’s special.

In fact, it’s so special that a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation of 2000 people found that 28% are sometimes worried about the level of anger that they feel.

First, let’s outline what makes anger different from other emotions, and then we’ll talk about how you can use this information to become happier and healthier in your life.

* It’s Motivating: Anger’s purpose is to push you to protect yourself. Anger gives you energy. It’s activating, and it drives you to engage, not withdraw, as most other emotions do.

* It Never Stands Alone: Anger is always a result of feeling something else. You feel hurt, marginalized, overlooked, targeted, mistreated or vulnerable. Anger isn’t just an emotion, it’s a constellation of emotions. There are always layers of feelings underneath it, feeding it.

* It Seeks a Target: Other emotions can simply be. Anger cannot. Like an arrow shot from the bow, it looks for a target. This is what makes anger so easy to misdirect. It may erupt at the wrong person, in the wrong way and at the wrong time so very easily.

* It Can Be Turned Inward or Outward: Sometimes directing our anger at its true target can be acutely uncomfortable, and sometimes we aren’t aware of the true target. This is when we are at risk for turning our anger inward, directing it at ourselves.

* It’s Capable of Damaging Your Health: Research has shown that anger prone individuals and people who express their anger as rage are more at risk for heart attacks and cancer.

Anger is a powerful, protective, complex emotion.

Yes, it has potential to do great damage.

But used properly, it also has potential to help you mightily.“

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My two cents: My PTSD emotions have changed while trying to heal.

At first fear and anxiety ruled my life, erupting triggers overpowered any cognitive defense.

Anger was rarely used until I calmed my triggers exploding, not until the fear subsided did my resentment and anger surface.

When I am suffering, resentment and anger want a prominent place in my thoughts.

It is the daily ongoing battle of PTSD , the war that I have been waging since childhood.

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Our mind does not work the same when PTSD is active.

https://themighty.com/u/mrpositive/

I was force fed Lima beans once a week, I puked them, then got beat with a big paddle he drilled holes in to hurt me more.

Never have touched a Lima bean since childhood.

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Our mind does not work the same when PTSD is active.

Anxiety and fear switch the minds mode of operation.

A calm, safe environment has our mind relaxed, open and maybe looking for opportunity, we can think quickly and clearly.

A PTSD mind can spot imminent danger in a second, activating our defense mechanism.

A PTSD sufferer has practiced over and over his/her reaction to trauma, paved a highway to survival mode, becoming best friends with avoidance.

Our mind becomes confused, pressured by anxiety drugs as fear spikes, trying to escape at all costs.

Our mind panics, cognitive functions almost stop, fine motor skills are gone, tunnel vision ensues.

Severe cases mimic near death experiences.

PTSD fear is the worst fear we can imagine, it has the ability to fire our fight or flight mechanism 15 times a day.

The drugs are real, the PTSD is abstract and subjective to us and lives only inside our mind.

The drugs stopped secreting the first time I healed.

Now instead of my fight or flight exploding, my mood changes, spotted and pointed out by those close to me.

My abuse, now at 69, still impacts my daily existence.

It is humbling, frustrating and full of guilt when my PTSD upsets those closest to me.

Hard to not hold anger at our abusers.

There is no wand or pill or quick solution for violent childhood abuse.

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Navigating a traumatized existence

https://pixabay.com/users/aitoff-388338/

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Stating the obvious, we were innocent, helpless kids without the mental or physical abilities to escape or protect ourselves.

For me, healing looks totally different than a normal person.

Everyone talks about how connecting and trusting, having healthy social relationships are part of healing and wellbeing.

I did the opposite. Socially, trusting people was never going to happen except for an inner circle of a few.

For me, isolating from most people, stabilized my nervous system, so I could heal.

I never trusted people, never.

People betraying me, did so much damage after my childhood, I became a loner.

Finding a way to be happy without many attachments was difficult, but the alternative of a loved one betraying me was never an option after college.

I stayed alive, did not commit suicide, got up and created a private world for myself.

I am alive, I survived extreme abuse as a confused, little boy.

Terror followed me, nightmares, sweats, stomach aches, vomiting, anxiety and fear ensued.

Now, when all this explodes life goes back to feeling imminent danger is near, it exists deep inside my memories.

I can not make sense of my life and all the suffering.

Was I born to be a sufferer?

How should I endure a life filled with suffering.

Where is the worth in my life, keeps nagging me for answers

Abused kids can not escape the damage.

Any insight?

Note: I am not advocating isolating, except from your abusers, even if it is a parent until after you improve.

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My Blog: Is it worth the aggravation

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Yesterday, I kind of lost it over an encounter that was similar to being on the PTSD discussion board.

Someone who does not have PTSD or know anything about the subject, needed to spread their bullshit in a response to yesterday’s post.

Having a recent betrayal trauma explode, I am extremely sensitive to anyone messing with me right now.

I have witnessed people trying to harm others and get them to have a breakdown or worse as a prank on the PTSD discussion board (Dailly Strength).

My in person mindfulness group was blown up by a manipulating alcoholic right before Covid.

I was shocked someone could violate a meditation group for selfish reasons without remorse.

Yes, I have meditated a lot, have PTSD, however behavior that resembles my father’s abuse gets a big reaction.

I was pissed and verbally confronted him in not so kind words.

People do not realize how deeply we take others trying to manipulate or dominate our space, like our abuser did.

Volunteering for free, I thought extending myself to help others would not have assholes taking advantage.

Boy was I wrong. There is no sacred space.

Today I am evaluating the aggravation running this blog brings to my doorstep.

Is it worth it to expose myself like this?

Why do some have to try to damage and destroy things like a PTSD blog?

Would they go on a rape victims blog and act the same way?

I welcome comments, hope to get them, encourage honest difference of opinion and a sharing of ideas.

My posts are part of me, real, lived and heartfelt offerings to hopefully help others.

Sad grown adults behave this childish.

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an old koan about a monk and Anger!

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excerpt from “Everyday Zen” by Charlotte joko Beck

“There is an old koan about a monk who went to his master and said,

“I’m a very angry person, and I want you to help me.”

The master said, “Show me your anger.”

The monk said, “Well, right now I’m not angry. I can’t show it to you.”

And the master said,

“Then obviously it’s not you, since sometimes it’s not even there.”

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my two cents: Emotions are ephemeral, fleeting and transparent, I am so much more than that.

Why not be grateful instead of angry?

Why not be kind instead of feeling sorry for ourself?

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5 Ways Anger is Not Like Other Emotions By Jonice Webb PhD ~

Tumisu / 619 images

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“Anger is not just any old emotion. It’s special.

In fact, it’s so special that a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation of 2000 people found that 28% are sometimes worried about the level of anger that they feel.

First, let’s outline what makes anger different from other emotions, and then we’ll talk about how you can use this information to become happier and healthier in your life.

5 Ways Anger is Special

 

* It’s Motivating: Anger’s purpose is to push you to protect yourself. Anger gives you energy. It’s activating, and it drives you to engage, not withdraw, as most other emotions do.

 

* It Never Stands Alone: Anger is always a result of feeling something else. You feel hurt, marginalized, overlooked, targeted, mistreated or vulnerable. Anger isn’t just an emotion, it’s a constellation of emotions. There are always layers of feelings underneath it, feeding it.

 

* It Seeks a Target: Other emotions can simply be. Anger cannot. Like an arrow shot from the bow, it looks for a target. This is what makes anger so easy to misdirect. It may erupt at the wrong person, in the wrong way and at the wrong time so very easily.

 

* It Can Be Turned Inward or Outward: Sometimes directing our anger at its true target can be acutely uncomfortable, and sometimes we aren’t aware of the true target. This is when we are at risk for turning our anger inward, directing it at ourselves.

 

* It’s Capable of Damaging Your Health: Research has shown that anger prone individuals and people who express their anger as rage are more at risk for heart attacks and cancer.

Anger is a powerful, protective, complex emotion.

Yes, it has potential to do great damage.

But used properly, it also has potential to help you mightily.“
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The hormones PTSD brings to our doorstep

geralt / 20578 images

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Cortisol & Adrenal Function

https://adrenalfatigue.org/cortisol-adrenal-function/

Cortisol is a life sustaining adrenal hormone essential to the maintenance of homeostasis.

Called “the stress hormone,” cortisol influences, regulates or modulates many of the changes that occur in the body in response to stress including, but not limited to:

Blood sugar (glucose) levels

Fat, protein and carbohydrate metabolism to maintain blood glucose (gluconeogenesis)

Immune responses

Anti-inflammatory actions

Blood pressure

Heart and blood vessel tone and contraction

Central nervous system activation

Cortisol levels normally fluctuate throughout the day and night in a circadian rhythm that peaks at about 8 AM and reaches it lowest around 4 AM.

While it is vital to health for the adrenals to secret more cortisol in response to stress, it is also very important that bodily functions and cortisol levels return to normal following a stressful event.

Unfortunately, in our current high-stress culture, the stress response is activated so often that the body does not always have a chance to return to normal.

This can lead to health problems resulting from too much circulating cortisol and/or from too little cortisol if the adrenal glands become chronically fatigued (adrenal fatigue).

Higher and more prolonged levels of circulating cortisol (like those associated with chronic stress) have been shown to have negative effects, such as:

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