Posts Tagged ‘Ace study’

I am an ACE kid: Adverse Childhood Experiences (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html)

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https://www.pinterest.com/pin/13581236366457321/

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I am in the midst of new understandings about my inner world.

Yesterday at the podiatrist my blood pressure was somewhat high.

My reaction brought a shift. I always thought any physical flaws or body disabilities were a weakness, my failure.

For the first time, I felt no guilt since childhood.

My father’s demand for perfection, subconsciously manifested in feeling guilt with any flaws.

So much of my angst and anxiety emanated from these subconscious judgments.

My mother was strict catholic, guilt was her weapon of choice, my atheist father wanted a superstar, he used criticism and violence to enforce his demands.

It sounds embarrassing for a grown man to say, for the first time I have no guilt for having high blood pressure.

Funny, I had some resistance writing that from inside, a queasiness of sorts.

Remember, let the narrative go, feel the body sensations, be present, let go.

What a journey lately a for this old man.

Any thoughts?

All of you out there have subconscious judgments that influence present behavior.

For me, I am an Ace kid, Adverse Childhood Experiences (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html).

Severely abused as a kid, my body has contracted chronic fatigue and guillian beret, two viral, immune deficient diseases.

So we get sick more, suffer more and die younger.

That’s what childhood abuse does to us.

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