Memories that we carry from an abusive childhood



As a child being criticized constantly, followed by physical violence, my self-worth was destroyed.

I felt like I did not deserve or belong on this earth.

My nervous system stayed on constant alert, life was lived with anxiety and fear of abandonment.

I was always fighting an internal battle as life overwhelmed me. My early life was lived inside my head, in a make-believe world.

Living in constant fear as a kid, corrupted my view of myself and the world around me.

Now, as an old man of 71, memories arrive connected to emotional distress and anxiety.

Funny how trauma memories(implicit memories) have all the anxiety and fear of the original event.

It is how they are stored, short powerful snippets of charged emotions.

This morning an old buried, long-forgotten memory came back to life without provocation.

We never know what will surface from our childhood.

It’s hard to feel self-worth at times, while happiness is covered by traumas abstract fear.

My mind wants to engage and change the memory but that only fuels its longevity.

Best practice is to follow the breath while letting memories fade without attention.

Life is a minefield for adults with a history of childhood abuse.

4 responses to this post.

  1. I am sorry we share this pain and minefield. It does seem to get a bit easier to navigate as time goes on. Almost like, I can hear the ticking before the bomb. I know it’s so hard to share but I’m glad you did. Thank you. 💙 you’re doing great.

  2. Good for you, thanks for sharing

  3. Marty,
    So good to read your postings. Once again, your thoughts are so helpful.
    My current situation, husband/re-incarnation of father/abuser has had a heart attack and my role is caretaker. Talk about triggers….
    Yes, old memories and the stored physical trauma are with me.
    The reminder to breathe is helpful beyond words
    What a trip………
    Thank you once again.

  4. What a situation your in. To be caregiver to your abuser has to be anxiety filled days

    I do not know if I could do what you’re doing.

    Good luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: