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In the beginning, I learned to avoid my triggers, yearned to keep my fight or flight mechanism from firing, and yearned to let go of all the intrusive thoughts.
Using meditation, I learned to focus and stay present when amid a trigger firing. This was the first step in trying to neutralize the impact of my adrenal stress response.
My nervous system settled, limiting both the intensity and frequency of triggers firing.
The next step was searching out trigger situations, then sitting in the middle of them until they calmed.
This part of healing was gratifying and freeing.
Then covid quarantine uncovered more trauma and all hell broke loose again.
My triggers do not fire violently anymore but my system still fills with anxiety and negative emotions.
After all this healing and hard work, avoiding and isolating are still coping strategies.
Some of the deep, dark vulnerabilities are hard-wired from my childhood.
How normal people socialize so freely and without fear or anxiety puzzles me.
Looking back, I can see high levels of anxiety and fear were always present in my life.
From childhood on these high levels were normal for me.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 