.
From Dysfunctional family and ACA:
“Adult children often live a secret life of fear.
Fear, or sometimes terror, is one of the connecting threads that links the 14 traits together.
Two of the first three traits describe our fear of people.
While many adult children appear cheerful, helpful, or self-sufficient, most live in fear of their parents, and spouses in addition to fearing an employer.
Others are constantly afraid of failing finances, imagined health problems, or world disasters.
They have a sense of impending doom or that nothing seems to work out.
Even the seemingly bold adult child who shows bravado can be covering up a deep sense of feeling unsafe or unlovable.
At the core of these thoughts is usually the fear of being shamed or abandoned.
Shame is the deep sense that our souls are inherently flawed.
Abandonment means more than being left alone or left at a doorstep.”
PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on August 29, 2022 at 3:04 pm
Abandonment on multiple layers is most often the epicenter of the wound. The hurts have been countless. Survival of the self requires layers of armor.
Posted by Marty on August 29, 2022 at 3:15 pm
Mine was an attempt to totally control or own me by my father
Maybe the opposite of abandonment
I guess mine is shame based
Instead of.abandonment I got.criticizes and.micro managed
It was oppressive
Posted by rudid96 on August 29, 2022 at 7:00 pm
Total control is horrendous. Personally, it’s part of the abandonment cycle of which I experienced. Your father (as my mother) never saw you as a person, independent of his/her needs & desires. You were used and discarded at will. I’m guessing that each success was unwinnable in his eyes. It reminded him of his shortcomings (polite phrasing here), and then his expectations were never really achievable by his design. A no-win situation is IMPOSSIBLE for you, the child. So incredibly cruel. My mother saw me as an extension, an arm, a leg, a thing to be used and discarded at will. Every interaction was part of her bizarre, mind-F game. Some people really shouldn’t be allowed to have children.
Posted by Marty on August 29, 2022 at 7:01 pm
I was a thing to my dad
Posted by Marty on August 29, 2022 at 7:26 pm
My.father never said a kind word and criticized everything
He bragged to his friends when I was not around
Posted by rudid96 on August 29, 2022 at 8:32 pm
Pathetic and horrendous!