.
Yesterday, my nervous system and sense of danger intensified.
I am on edge, short-tempered, and on alert.
Nothing concrete, this abstract sense of fear impacts life, my behavior, and PTSD symptoms.
It is not connected to anything specific.
At times, this battle inside my brain wreaks havoc on my being.
It is an ominous feeling, a foreboding sense of doom that has followed me since childhood.
Do normal people have thoughts and feelings like this?
After numerous attempts to calm everything down failed, I accepted these awkward feelings and went on with my day.
Oh, I am acutely aware of how my nervous system nears tilt again.
PTSD steals life away, every day I battle for my sanity.
Is Happiness unattainable for us?
I would settle for a cessation of suffering!
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on August 20, 2022 at 3:45 pm
I’ve altered your question slightly – Is Happiness Attainable For Us?
My automatic response would be, “Of course, happiness is attainable for anyone.” “It’s a state of mind.” But, there lies the problem. The state of mind.
When I was at a suicidal breaking point, I saved my own life by retiring and seeking help. This has been a long & difficult journey and, like most things in life, a mixed bag. The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.
Emotional awareness has replaced the previously dissociated state. Noticing and feeling one’s feelings regularly is arguably as hard as walking around numb. Did I laugh more easily before, take life with a grain of salt? Things take on macabre humor when life isn’t valued.
Today I’m more thoughtful and have more skills, but I sometimes wonder if this is a sign of taking myself too seriously. Or is it a feature of aging? I’m an explorer. There must be more to life than experiencing pain. Finding opportunities to smile, laugh, and enjoy is now my work. It’s awkward and sometimes less than authentic but it beats the alternative.
Posted by Marty on August 20, 2022 at 3:57 pm
Mine feels the opposite now
I can not say I am more thoughtful, but I do have so many trauma thoughts it disrupts life
Age has brought more suffering
“There must be more to life than experiencing pain”
For me, the pain occupies enormous amounts of time
The emotions that accompany the pain take a heavy toll
I just try to survive each day now, opportunities to laugh and enjoy are rare
PTSD takes over at times
PTSD fear explodes at times
I am on edge, I feel danger coming
It’s childhood reliving itself inside
It sure feels real
Abused kids do not trust things will, work our alright,
They did not work out
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on August 20, 2022 at 10:00 pm
I think a sense of foreboding and dread follows many people who’ve experienced childhood trauma for their entire life. Yes, they may experience times of happiness but that sense of dread still returns at times.
Posted by Marty on August 20, 2022 at 10:04 pm
Is that true
Many have a sense of foreboding
Posted by Marty on August 20, 2022 at 10:26 pm
I am trying to search for symptoms like the feeling of foregoing or gloom and doom
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on August 20, 2022 at 10:38 pm
Yes
Posted by rudid96 on August 21, 2022 at 4:48 pm
Marty, I found that I had to sit with your response for a day. Your pain and anger were visceral. I realize we’re each only responsible for our feelings, but when in connection (even just electronically), it seems I can’t avoid the splash. All I can say is I hear you, understand, and hope for a shift in intentisity
Posted by Marty on August 21, 2022 at 4:49 pm
Sorry
Posted by rudid96 on August 21, 2022 at 4:58 pm
No “sorry” necessary. It’s the price of being connected. To feel for another keeps us human.
Posted by Marty on August 21, 2022 at 4:59 pm
You.feel what I do
Even therapist do not understand
Hard to heal us