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My mind developed in survivor mode, it plays as background music now, always lurking in the shadows, always looking to increase its volume.
My mind is drawn to problems (danger), like a bug to a light, it is a habitual trait, it allows the background music to amplify the tune.
Our defense mechanism is more sensitive, more developed, and more used than a normal person.
We are superstars at spotting potential danger.
Focusing on the present becomes problematic.
My emotions intensify, some of the left prefrontal cortex shuts down, we are in full-blown survivor mode.
The cognitive engine will only make things worse, he heightens panic, as he judges and grasps trauma thoughts.
Failure or Fear of failure has always been a worst-case scenario for me.
My childhood was filled with fear of failure, it became habitual, my default mode of existence.
I try to meditate, try to distract myself, try to let this bombardment of thoughts go, and try to calm down.
My mind is mush, the best I can do is play defense until the spell breaks.
I have traveled this path so often it has become a freeway.
This path is filled with pain and suffering.
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Posted by rudid96 on August 9, 2022 at 10:30 pm
I’ve never met anyone that could completely turn off the effects of early serious trauma. It’s always there in the background. It takes focused energy to live cleanly.
Posted by Marty on August 9, 2022 at 10:53 pm
I agree