Feeling at peace: what does that feel like?


I search for that peaceful feeling in the morning when the mind looks to peruse the day.

Being at peace means, feeling safe, relaxed, confident, looking forward to the day with unlimited opportunities.

Instead, my mind searches the day for danger, abstract danger, PTSD danger, perceived danger, then tries to navigate around any awkward situation.

It happens on its own, a habit practiced since childhood, it has deep roots.

I fear loss, humiliation, and failure above all else.

Our minds grapple with judgment, a never-ending stream of thoughts bombards us, and PTSD dominates our consciousness.

I deal with my PTSD symptoms no matter what I do.

At my worst I went agoraphobic for 6 months, hiding in my dark garage unable to muster the courage to go out.

My mind followed me into that dark garage, triggers fired despite my solitude.

Now, if I need to socialize or go to an event, I can navigate and participate.

It is not pleasant, it is filled with anxiety and awkwardness.

It’s like a soldier hearing a car backfire.

He takes cover spontaneously without thought, a perceived imminent threat has been heard.

He has been transported back to the battlefield.

That’s PTSD.

4 responses to this post.

  1. Yes, that’s PTSD …. but it is still good to start our day by seeking for peace.

  2. I yearn to find it

  3. Posted by rudid96 on August 1, 2022 at 6:18 pm

    Retirement has brought a small amount of peace. The earlier COVID lockdown brought, for the first time, a sense of safety and normalcy. Now, upon awakening, sometimes before I open my eyes, sometimes well after, I find one thing good to thank. Sometimes it’s just a ‘hello’ to my toes.

  4. Sometimes it’s just a ‘hello’ to my toes.

    Life is pretty sad if that is our plight

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