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In the Kundalini online group, Jennifer had us look at our belief system, our thought patterns, and the attached feelings.
When I am inside my head, judging, using my cognitive prowess, my belief system locks onto my PTSDs feelings.
Lack of trust, fear, and worry fuel intrusive thoughts.
I am not a victim but I am lost, almost depressed, trying to escape this invisible prison.
How do I handle this incessant flood of trauma thoughts?
How do I dissipate the fear, anxiety, and resentment these thoughts bring?
I ignore as much as possible, focusing on my breath as a countermeasure but some get thru.
My life is consumed by PTSD at times, am I failing?
I feel like a soldier trying to escape the gore of war, it seems to never be over, never leave.
My mind never tires of running intrusive thoughts by my consciousness.
PTSD wants to control.
It is so frustrating.
.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on July 29, 2022 at 4:01 pm
Dam frustrating. You’re modeling the process for me and anyone else that happens upon your blog. It’s not pretty, nor easy. Every day is a challenge. However, I join you in the personal commitment to doing the best we can in the moment.
Posted by Marty on July 29, 2022 at 4:04 pm
I feel like a failure but do not let that diminish my effort
This shit is hard
Not many understand and fewer give a damn
Posted by Marty on July 29, 2022 at 4:19 pm
My belief system sucks, it is tied to my childhood and trauma
My memories reflect my belief system in a way
Posted by rudid96 on July 29, 2022 at 4:35 pm
I hear you. Part of surviving and thriving is speaking, listening, and then throwing out a good portion of it all. Our moods have a real tendency to swing far and wide.
Posted by Marty on July 29, 2022 at 4:40 pm
For me, it is like a pebble in your shoe, you try to ignore it but thought can not overcome the sharpness of the pain
My trauma thoughts invade me daily
I experience a kaleidoscope of emotions and not positive ones
Nothing has curtailed them
Even if I am successful in my battle, I have spent most of my day neutralizing PTSD
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER PTSD invades my space
Posted by Binu on July 30, 2022 at 6:58 am
I think, i will go for only one desire. Take example , I want to be healthy. One desire, in an year time i did that.