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PTSD has grown, maturing through the years.
Early on the challenge was my fight or flight mechanism firing, then the intrusive thoughts bombarded my being, followed by depression, and finally anger and resentment.
Anxiety, fear, and worry are always present.
PTSD at its core is subconscious fear.
We fear this abstract, perceived danger may happen again.
This fear emanates from deep inside, for abused kids, it has always been present.
PTSD will become a battle inside our heads, between our ears for life.
A subconscious, shadow world of trauma and suffering exists below the surface.
I live a large part of my life dealing with these PTSD thoughts and emotions.
It has been a harsh life.
I survive.
I survive with little trust and few attachments.
PTSD has been hard on desire, danger kills desire, and safety becomes precious as gold.
We isolate ourselves for protection and survival in our minds.
If we felt safe we would attach much more, mingle effortlessly, and be like normal people.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on July 28, 2022 at 3:14 pm
I hate it, but this it’s the raw truth. I’ve read a number of items regarding childhood trauma and attachment. I think the best we can do is to continue to connect with ourselves; mind, body, and heart. From the beginning, we were abandoned in countless ways. Reparenting and finding inner safety is a slippery slope that must a lifelong rebuild.
Posted by Marty on July 28, 2022 at 3:17 pm
I’m always look forward to your responses rudid96
You give insight and get my point
We keep trying to heal, that seems a separate path than realizing what we face
Posted by rudid96 on July 28, 2022 at 3:20 pm
BTW, there are moments, even a day (dare I venture, even two days) that I believe “I’m Healed.” Only to discover that a small incident or interaction will plunge me back into despair, hopelessness, and disconnection. Using learned tools may help mitigate the pain, but I’m aware this seesaw doesn’t trigger the safety alarm bells for those that don’t suffer from C-PTSD.
Posted by Marty on July 28, 2022 at 3:23 pm
Good for you feeling healed
I enjoyed feeling much better for a while also