How does an abused kid describe their purpose in this life?

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I have done therapy for a decade, applied what I learned, then meditated rigorously, and my life is still a mess.

My trauma visits me like war visits a veteran, every day we tussle.

It is a haunting existence, a bad dream, a never-ending disorder.

It has become a miserable standoff, PTSD occupies way too much time in my life.

I learned not to trust at the earliest age.

Betrayal and abandonment from a caregiver have dire consequences.

My father isolated me, he forced me to be a loner for more control.

Life was harsh, abuse and betrayal scarred me, I am an outcast.

Why does PTSD bring so much suffering in my life, so little happiness or peace of mind?

How does an abused kid describe their purpose in this life?

How can it wield such power?
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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on July 29, 2022 at 3:57 pm

    An abused kid isn’t afforded the luxury of exploring options, daydreaming, or even believing there’s a future. Too often, they’re told by word and deed that they’re defective, worthless, and deserve nothing. How can one grow anything in that kind of soil? Later, as a grown adult, the layers of trauma-reactive defenses and poor decisions create a bedrock of muck from which one needs to extricate. That’s if you’re lucky. A good portion of abused kids later turned into adults to live shortened, unhappy lives. The rest of us spend a lifetime in therapy and wondering.

  2. Wow. Well said

  3. It is a strange space I inhabit in the online kundalini group

    They are optimistic and somewhat happy

    Nothing like PTSD

  4. Posted by rudid96 on July 29, 2022 at 4:33 pm

    Stay with this online Kundalini group. All exposure to the happier side of the moon has its benefits. Bravo!

  5. Every day for last two years I have participated

    Many many times I felt like an outcast, not sharing emotions and feelings other followers enjoyed

    You see how much different our thoughts, emotions, and lives are

    I share my posts without much feedback

    I wonder what they think of me

    That is PTSD talking

  6. Posted by Americaoncoffee on July 30, 2022 at 9:17 pm

    What an important share with the perfect depiction.🙏🙏

  7. Thanks

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