Perfection as a coping mechanism

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I tried to be perfect as a coping mechanism, as a way to survive my father.

As kids, we crave our caregiver’s approval.

I feared being abandoned.

Thinking my behavior, my performance, or achievement could bring me self-worth or safety ended in major disappointment.

This void never leaves abused kids.

We search for meaning and try to grasp a purpose.

I feared my father, I did not trust him.

My path was filled with violence and ridicule, with lots of anger.

I fear loss and losing, rejection and shame.

These feelings hide below consciousness as an adult.

Happiness and trust have always been strangers.
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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on July 27, 2022 at 3:21 pm

    It’s interesting to read your post. It provides an opportunity for distance from my own difficult but in some ways, identifiable past. The duality of the trauma is what struck me today from your blog post. The reactivity of your body and meaning making of your mind. I know you’re well aware of this duality. Nothing new here. It just popped up for me today so clearly. This is a constant personal wrestling match for me too.

  2. Please expound on the duality

    One explanation of non duality is that the ego is not real only a created identity

    Who am I is a trick question

    That I is made up, an imposter

  3. […] Perfection as a coping mechanism […]

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