.
.
The battle is engaged, I am trying to get out of my head, traveling down to my heart area (solar plexus).
I want to filter my PTSD, my irrational thoughts, and my symptoms through my heart area (soul).
When trauma thoughts lure me away, I return to my body sensations.
I have learned to sit amid my unrest, focusing intently, observing my inner world.
Breathing through my solar plexus shifts focus from my head, we know that thinking is the enemy.
My thought streams constantly venture into past betrayals and childhood abuse.
Emotional duress is fortified with the release of our fear drugs, jolting our physical body, while rational thought is compromised. We start to panic.
This is fertile ground for PTSD.
Engaging these thoughts has consequences, PTSD thrives and multiplies.
The thoughts, the shame, and the failures still visit every day.
Childhood abuse is complex, confusing, and subconscious.
Staying present, focused, and alert rescues us momentarily.
Healing is that far off goal, the moment-to-moment battle takes priority.
Some days are a constant battle, normal life takes a back seat.
This means PTSD thoughts are active.
I may be successful in staying present, however, PTSD has stopped normal functions.
Time battling PTSD is never recovered.
Hard to find joy in the middle of this war.
.
.
PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Marty on July 15, 2022 at 1:09 pm
My therapist called my Ptsd highly resistant
That means that conventional therapies worked and made progress but the residual is still formidable
I guess I am in this post-therapy turmoil
Symptoms have changed as I healed.
PTSD acts as a functional entity. He adjusts and adapts, and symptoms change along with intensities.
He/she knows us, knows our vulnerabilities, our deepest, darkest fears also
He/she knows where to attack and when
PTSD and our brain can not rationalize keeping us safe when it comes to PTSD
Trying to grasp the thought and isolate is damaging but our ego, our mind keeps grasping keeps isolating
When PTSD is active it is exhausting battling all day long.
That siren song has a weak spot inside of us
We all have that victim inside who wants to escape
Posted by rudid96 on July 15, 2022 at 1:10 pm
Difficult to select the ‘like’ button for this post. Life as a daily battle isn’t something that one should ‘like.’
Posted by Marty on July 15, 2022 at 1:11 pm
Like the wisdom and the map
Posted by Marty on July 15, 2022 at 1:13 pm
Life is a daily battle for us
Or for me and I would guess many more.
Some days are much better than others
I have come to accept this as my life
Not trusting has many consequences