.
How do I describe my nervous system, my mood swings, or my behavior?
PTSD is the reason, the cause, the driving force behind my mood swings, intrusive thoughts, and distrust of this world.
Having attachments is not a priority, safety is number one, avoiding failure and humiliation number two.
I get this foreboding sense of danger, it’s spooky, abstract of course, nothing I can see or touch.
It is not someone shooting me or knifing me, it’s the dark unknown, out there in the mist.
Going out seems risky, I find myself hiding, on edge, and anxiously depressed.
This is like the Mafia going to the mattresses.
This is anxious downtime, days lost in a dark fog, clutching the safety of isolation.
Happiness is a dream, an unknown commodity, like love and trust for abused kids.
Complex PTSD does not end, I am 70, still battling for my sanity.
This is my life.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Don't Lose Hope on May 30, 2022 at 1:17 pm
It DOES feel like a battle for our sanity …
Posted by Marty on May 30, 2022 at 1:19 pm
It does
It is hard to have perspective on how my post sounds when PTSD comes alive like this
I have to play defense until it breaks
Posted by Marty on May 30, 2022 at 1:58 pm
I am having an episode of PTSD being active
I can not read how my words sound but share how I feel anyway
I can not read the crowd, or sense how my words come across.
Am I scared I will be judged as more flawed
Something someone inside wants protection
Thinks sharing in this condition is dangerous
This is interesting to bring awareness to my emotions
Posted by rudid96 on May 30, 2022 at 4:59 pm
Sounds like, at this moment, you’re riding the C-PTSD wave. It’s painful, I know. I also know, that after the crest of the wave, there will be calm. Hold fast and let your meditation ease your suffering.
Posted by Marty on May 30, 2022 at 5:03 pm
I am numb, not moving,
Frustrating to live feeling like this
Frustrating to hear how many they have healed
Frustrating to see normal people have a life
And wonder what it is like