PTSD: Sensing Danger

How do I describe my nervous system, my mood swings, or my behavior?

PTSD is the reason, the cause, the driving force behind my mood swings, intrusive thoughts, and distrust of this world.

Having attachments is not a priority, safety is number one, avoiding failure and humiliation number two.

I get this foreboding sense of danger, it’s spooky, abstract of course, nothing I can see or touch.

It is not someone shooting me or knifing me, it’s the dark unknown, out there in the mist.

Going out seems risky, I find myself hiding, on edge, and anxiously depressed.

This is like the Mafia going to the mattresses.

This is anxious downtime, days lost in a dark fog, clutching the safety of isolation.

Happiness is a dream, an unknown commodity, like love and trust for abused kids.

Complex PTSD does not end, I am 70, still battling for my sanity.

This is my life.

5 responses to this post.

  1. It DOES feel like a battle for our sanity …

  2. It does

    It is hard to have perspective on how my post sounds when PTSD comes alive like this

    I have to play defense until it breaks

  3. I am having an episode of PTSD being active

    I can not read how my words sound but share how I feel anyway

    I can not read the crowd, or sense how my words come across.

    Am I scared I will be judged as more flawed

    Something someone inside wants protection

    Thinks sharing in this condition is dangerous

    This is interesting to bring awareness to my emotions

  4. Posted by rudid96 on May 30, 2022 at 4:59 pm

    Sounds like, at this moment, you’re riding the C-PTSD wave. It’s painful, I know. I also know, that after the crest of the wave, there will be calm. Hold fast and let your meditation ease your suffering.

  5. I am numb, not moving,

    Frustrating to live feeling like this

    Frustrating to hear how many they have healed

    Frustrating to see normal people have a life

    And wonder what it is like

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