PTSD changes with time

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My most polished skill as a kid was spotting, then avoiding danger.

My nervous system was always a wreck, my stomach always upset, and fear was my dominant emotion.

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Now, my nervous system has calmed, gone is my fight or flight mechanism firing multiple times a day.

PTSD changed from frightening with intense anxiety to depressive with shame, and anger.

Intrusive thoughts took center stage without the fear of cortisol and adrenaline being dumped into my bloodstream.

Which form of PTSD is worse? Choose between an out-of-control nervous system or shameful intrusive thoughts causing depression.

What a choice? This damage happened in early childhood.

Both bring pain and suffering. We have to heal one to isolate the other or we have no chance at healing.

Hard to function with our fight or flight mechanism out of control.

I have faced my fears, my triggers, integrated and processed, why do I still suffer.

I have been diligent, persistent, and brave.

No bonus points for the effort I guess.

I am stuck after a decade of therapy, meditation and self-healing under my belt

I am currently trying to open my heart and heal the rest spiritually.
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One response to this post.

  1. The out of control nervous system is almost unbearable

    The fight or flight mechanism firing 10 to 15 time a day unhealthy

    I could not function,

    The other bodily functions do not work properly or have little energy in crisis mode

    Surviving a perceived PTSD danger was a full-time job

    A final thought, my posts may be dark but I do not give up

    I am working on opening my heart to heal not throwing in the towel

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