PTSD: Pleasure and Pain

We have to know when to take a step back and recoup from the emotional strain.

Five straight days of practice or a ballgame had drained me emotionally.

It takes energy preparing to enter the crowd, energy to ignore my triggers, and energy to focus on the game.

Sometimes a battle is waging inside my head.

My cognitive side wants to judge, analyze and think its way through the danger.

Half of me is present the other half is subconsciously at war.

It is hard to concentrate and enjoy.

Yesterday, I had to hide and soothe my nerve endings.

Taking stock, I have gratitude for being able to mingle for five straight days.

Life is not easy, taking risks brings turmoil, and each situation has both pleasure and pain.

How do you navigate your PTSD pain?

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on May 23, 2022 at 5:21 pm

    It’s good to hear you speak about rallying your internal forces to participate in your shared grandson’s passion. Those times make life more rounded & purposeful. Cheering for you!
    I experience the subconscious war regularly. Today was the day of my volunteer position. Simultaneously, I love & hate it. Today, all volunteers were requested to arrive early for a building dedication ceremony & PR. I despise that type of activity and HATE enduring ego stroking and wasted words. Additionally, the number of today’s visitors was higher. Only inner work allowed me to mentalize & talk myself through an anxiety attack. However, escaping to a bathroom stall to ride out the anxiety intensity was necessary.
    I also left before my shift concluded. On the car ride home there was felt relief and defeat but this is how I’m currently handling my PTSD.

  2. People do not realize how much courage and energy is takes to risk for us, the danger inside our memories.

    I have had friends laugh at my triggers and how I had to leave, to escape

    Always have an exit strategy, prepare as much as possible so we can relax if possible

    The other part of not going out weakens our ties to any group or any relationship

    I can not count all the times I turned down invites

    How can a normal, person understand our demons

    As I said before we risk, then we recede and hide to heal

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