PTSD: Things that used to paralyze me,

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Things that used to paralyze me, drive me into seclusion, no longer wield that kind of power.

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The last two months brought a seismic change in my behavior. At least five times a week I am at practice or my grandson’s game.

These are crowds of strangers closely packed in tight spaces.

It is also a long duration of contact, three-plus hours of being vulnerable.

Soldiers with PTSD, rape victims, and abused kids all avoid crowds and people.

All have differing degrees of mistrust and anxiety levels involved in their PTSD.

I have been triggered, but it resembles a firecracker instead of a bomb.

Uncomfortable and awkward, they are not powerful enough to overcome my desire to support my grandson.

For once desire wins over PTSD.

I will be glad when the season is over.

It is great to be blunt.
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3 responses to this post.

  1. I am shocked how some coaches of 11-year-old boys behave

    To see an adult ego berate and bully their players is sad

    What is supposed to be a learning experience, a fun endeavor is marred by the make ego of a few adults.

    My daughter spoke out at a game yesterday, saying, I would not let my son be treated like that,

    I see coaches who resemble my dad and I have a deep reaction

    Anger arises

    I have many hidden judgments around baseball I am finding out.

  2. Another powerful post Marty! We are so used to looking at how far we have to go — instead of reflecting on how far we have come. Thank you for all you do to shift the narrative on mindfulness and trauma. We are ALL a work in progress. Your writing gives us HOPE

  3. Thanks for the gratitude

    It is not easy or comfortable, but some of us have more work to do than others

    Funny I did not have the idea if reflecting on how far I had come, just trying to share my daily struggles

    Successes and stumbles

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