.
PTSD changes many desires.
An old desire that is now related to a trigger will diminish or disappear.
My desire for a relationship is gone, anger and fear are replacements.
My desire for approval has shrunk drastically.
I have no desire to go to a game, go out drinking, be at a party, or go to almost any social function.
Even if an outing goes well, there is suffering and pain.
If you are looking for pleasure, you will not find it around your triggers or PTSD.
People do not understand this and think exposure therapy cures PTSD?
Exposure therapy allowed me to go out, it did not curtail my pain or PTSD.
After ten years of healing, I navigate life better, but where is the pleasure?
I can do things I hate, things I do not enjoy, and things I am afraid of, but these actions lack pleasure or happiness?
Some days I navigate better and suffer less but I never get too happy.
I can not be the only one who experiences these symptoms.
Do seriously abused kids find happiness as adults or do they suffer?
What percentage of abused kids find happiness as adults?
My guess is most suffer dysfunctional lives.
Kaiser’s ACE study says we are more prone to disease, mental illness, cancer, incarceration, trauma and early death.
.
.
There is nothing at the end of the PTSD rainbow!
.
.
PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Anonymous on May 10, 2022 at 3:48 pm
I can only speak for myself in that I find truth in your statement. From the perspective of an outsider, one would see an average person. I’ve the traditional life milestones with very few (almost none) close friends. However the enduring hardship is 1) emptiness 2) trust 3) sadness, etc., etc. For the sake of brevity, the list stops. Therapy does not necessarily bring happiness.
Posted by Marty on May 10, 2022 at 3:50 pm
Therapy and meditation have opened my life a little
Lifted some of the pain and suffering
Happy go lucky has never happened,
Feeling free around others is absent also
Posted by Anonymous on May 10, 2022 at 7:45 pm
Clearly we’re walking a similar path. You’re ahead of me. Therapy has increased my awareness and given me tools and support for helping me create boundaries. That’s been new and life-sustaining. Therapy hasn’t the same success with relational trauma, attachment & depression. The talking leaves me feeling more guilty.
Yesterday she suggested Jack Kornfield’s “Buddhism for Beginners.” Are you familiar with it?
Posted by Marty on May 10, 2022 at 8:06 pm
I have read many Buddhists books, went a zen center for five years,
Mindfulness has helped me but happiness is a stranger
I was a high functioning ACE kid
Now I am just old, and it is not high functioning
Posted by rudid96 on May 11, 2022 at 1:39 pm
Do the Buddhism teachings still help in any way or did it offer structure only ‘back then’? What does happiness look like for you?
Posted by Marty on May 11, 2022 at 1:51 pm
The Zen center helped me deepen my meditation practice. I went there to heal not to be awakened
Zen centers draw a unique crowd of elite intellectuals amongst the other participants
The idea of no judgment was a farce as
Political fervor was always present
They taught me to always sit for others, loving-kindness, you give without thought of reward
The zen center took an hike a day, my meditation practice had another four hours by myself
Meditation is not an intellectual property
You can not take a class or read books and gain benefits
You have to sit you butt down alone with your thoughts and stay silent
It is not easy and boring at first
He’ll happiness looks like me being carefree in public, not concerned with failure, loss, humiliation or betrayal
I would trust and it works
That would be a start
I would feel whole and not unworthy