..What is it, the fabric of life we are missing?


What is it, the fabric of life we are missing?

What do normal people feel towards each other?

I would never risk what they do. My nervous system would explode taking risks like that.

We do not understand, we opt out for isolation and avoidance, while they attach and congregate.

We feel Danger, fear strangers, they see opportunity and inclusion.

When it comes to attachment and trust normal people thrive, we are the opposite.

Take a normal person’s life and compare it to one of us.

They belong to organizations, neighborhood things, churches, etc., we may be estranged from our families, isolated and join damn near nothing.

Our friends form a tiny circle, it’s how an abused kid survives as an adult.

We limit our chances for betrayal, that’s always seems the best option.

How do you act when going out leads to more symptoms and suffering? I been there, done that for a couple years, it’s not fun.

Lack of Trust and attachment I believe is the cause of our sorrow.

I have no idea how to trust at a deep level, have tried many ways to grow my trust.

My family and I agreed to never speak for two decades.

If I can cut out my family for 20 years, I can cut out almost anyone.

I did not trust them either. Asked for help and they denied my PTSD.

Does trust and attachment form in childhood?

6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on April 20, 2022 at 3:05 pm

    This is a BIG question that as yet needs to be untangled. How does one reconcile connection when you’re a mismatched blend of opposites? What a conundrum!
    My social circle doesn’t include enough people to even form a circle. Committing to a social invitation is fraught with anxiety. Inwardly, I’m wracked by indecision; the pleasure of connection, diversion, to be a part of something Vs. feeling trapped, overwhelmed, exhausted, and consumed.
    I attend social events with a painted-on smile, holding my breath, and gritted teeth. Then, some other self, a socially confident self takes over & I may even enjoy myself. However, when I return to either car or home, I’m wrung out. The ‘performance’ is over and I’m wrung out.
    The phrase “dammed if you do. and dammed if you don’t” comes to mind.

  2. I agree with everything

    I have ventured out to help coach my grandkids baseball team

    I like the practices more the the games

    Less spectators

    I always feared speaking in front even thought I played in front of 20,000

    This post would seem.negative to a.normal.person

    I would be judged negatively

  3. Posted by rudid96 on April 20, 2022 at 5:50 pm

    I understand. Are both personas the ‘real’ you? Which is the authentic you?

  4. The authentic Marty is hidden, I am unfamiliar with him I think

    The PTSD GUY I know well,

    I have the other guy fighting to stay present who he ALL those symptoms but navigates

    The authentic guy is lost back in childhood

  5. Posted by rudid96 on April 20, 2022 at 9:57 pm

    My response closely aligns with yours. Wondering if this is common among those with C-PTSD? Schizophrenia is not part of my makeup. My outward presentation is fairly consistent with others. However, the reactive inner world leaves people like you & me regularly befuddled.

  6. Oh. Inner world is a war now

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