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We do not want to be part of the walking wounded, we yearn to be normal, to fit in, to feel safe and accepted.
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We loathe how we feel about ourselves, unworthy, flawed, outcasts!
All the hard work to improve and act normal still finds us more isolated and buried in traumatic thoughts.
After a decade of intense healing, PTSD still haunts my being.
PTSD has changed over the years, gone is the fight or flight mechanism firing, gone is the intense fear, replaced by thoughts, hate, resentment, and depression.
Where others see attachments as beneficial, I see the chance for betrayal, this perceived danger is powerful inside my brain.
All therapeutic endeavors and meditation have helped me improve, healing is impossible in my opinion.
Show me serious childhood abuse being healed completely. Show me a happy, free-flowing life after serious childhood abuse. Show me more than a few isolated successes.
How do you heal completely? I see a sea of suffering and pain instead.
It is a fear that revs up my nervous system and makes suffering a part of every thought, life is worse than miserable.
PTSD people will understand the last sentence, and normal people will have no clue what I meant.
I guess our dreams were shattered in childhood, and our ability to trust pretty much destroyed.
I fear certain things more than death, always have.
Of course, I envision a peaceful death, not being burnt alive or tortured.
Do you have these thoughts, my normal friends never do.
What is the craziest thing a friend has commented on your PTSD behavior?
Do you feel broken?
I walk zombie-like around people, feeling vulnerable, exposed, fearful, and anxious.
Is that PTSD or just my personality after childhood?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Marty on April 19, 2022 at 1:03 pm
Being 70 and living with PTSD since childhood I have a different perspective.
In my earlier days I had a desire not to fail, that allowed me to navigate people
Yes people were always a source of drama and fear
I have never trusted many people, seemed impossible for me
My nervous system would never stop protecting against betrayal
Intimacy has been absent in my life
How do you have a relationship after childhood?
Posted by rudid96 on April 19, 2022 at 2:35 pm
“Is it PTSD or just my personality after childhood?”
When you first arrived on this planet may have been similar or different. By now, your organic personality traits have become inextricably marbled with your PTSD.
We’re all marbled gemstones with a variety of striated patterns. Some marbled areas are more intense than others.
Posted by Marty on April 19, 2022 at 2:38 pm
Creative words of PTSD impact.
Posted by Becoming Shakti on April 20, 2022 at 3:34 am
I’m damaged, I admit it. What was done to me when my ex cheated and abandoned us was the cruelest form of abuse and I’m pretty much a hermit now, even after a lot of therapy. It just seems safer this way at 67, no point in getting hurt again.
Posted by Marty on April 20, 2022 at 4:02 am
It seems easier to not risk, no matter how much therapy we have gone thru
We would rather sit home than risk betrayal
Is that our personality now or PTSD?
Therapists and people will tell you, you can heal all things
How do you explain to all of us then
There are many many like us
Posted by Marty on April 20, 2022 at 4:03 am
Oh sorry you suffer from others cruelty
Evil exists. People will harm you
Posted by Shelley Berry on May 20, 2022 at 2:03 pm
This This This. We have learned to accept our wounds, but it’s always a process. Sometimes, we walk right up to the line of community, sit down, take a breath, sob quietly for a few moments and walk away down another road, head held high.
We’ll get there, whether it’s today or not is immaterial. best of thoughts to y’all on your journey.
Posted by Marty on May 20, 2022 at 2:45 pm
Thanks for the wisdom
We Travel Together