PTSD: An Emotional wound

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The beatings have faded into obscurity, the pain long since past, almost forgotten.

The emotional scars were written in indelible ink.

They seem to have a lasting impact, resilient beyond necessity.

We are part of the walking wounded, still participating when we determine the risk is favorable.

On a bad day, I am risking little, more likely playing defense or hiding at home.

Life is a minefield, a battle inside our mind, thoughts wage an internal war.

The battle seems to never end, victories never vanquish the foe.

Is this our cross to bear?

PTSD has always been with me, I did not choose to be abused or be born into an abusive family.

My chronic pain is similar, a constant companion, it also ebbs and flows with stimulation.

Pain is unwanted as much as PTSD.

Pain and PTSD fluctuate at certain times, from active and painful to almost dormant.

Something is influencing the changes.

Infer that we can influence pain and PTSD also.

I am much better at managing my chronic pain than PTSD.

PTSD has a power source and capability of running on its own.

Normal people express so much deeper connection to one another. They trust each other at a level I would find dangerous.

I lack enough trust that I do not even understand the connection.

I have all the same positive emotions like a normal person, sadly mine has been hidden by abuse, pain, and fear.
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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on April 18, 2022 at 2:42 pm

    The saddest part of PTSD is the annihilation of Trust. My therapist casually mentioned not too far back, “You still don’t trust me.” I want to trust but truth be told, it’s true. Perhaps this is why C-PTSD and those with long-haul PTSD never fully recover?

  2. You know I trust rarely

    The most I can do is friends with benefits, no commitment, no chance at betrayal

    That’s sad but better than having the possibility of betrayal

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