Some days are worse than others.

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Some days are worse than others. Yesterday was one of those days.

Yes, I was tired and sore from coaching baseball, at 70 working long-forgotten muscles has a price, this always adds a vulnerability with my defenses weakened.

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https://unsplash.com/@markbishop

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Being tired is not the issue, it is this sense of anguish that hovers nearby.

Yes, it is abstract, nothing solid, that’s how PTSD works inside our minds.

I held such power over my PTSD before covid and my college betrayal exploded.

It is hard for me to ignore these strong emotional torments.

My nervous system does not explode, it feels way off center and agitated.

It is a feeling of imminent danger, a disconnected imminent danger, not real but scary in his special PTSD way.

PTSD has a place established inside our brains, wired since childhood, their power grid so to speak.

It is where trauma memories are stored and released at times.

My dismay at repeat days is palpable.

My PTSD seems to be on steroids these days.

I can not describe this fear accurately or is it danger I feel, the world does not favor some of us.

I fear things will happen to me and my family, things out of my control as life has taught me many times.

Since childhood life has carried so much more danger and worry than normal people.

It has always been with me, I can not remember a time when PTSD danger WAS NOT CLOSE.

Stepping back, yesterday was a disaster, another harmful experience survived.

I see how wasted yesterday was, it interrupts lifes continuity.

Birth was the ultimate lottery we lost.
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2 responses to this post.

  1. “My PTSD seems to be on steroids these days.” I feel this so much. It never rests. Constantly hounding us

  2. Activated times of unrest lately

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