PTSD – A Way Out.com A mindful way to heal

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Fear of failure was my engine, my power pack, my generator.

I fear failure more than death, more than PTSD.

Dad made me compete, and demanded I be twice as good as everyone else.

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Fear of failure helped me survive, helped me perform, helped me be a professional ballplayer.

Dad made it clear, that losing was not acceptable, my self-worth was connected directly with performance, and achievement. Perfection was his ideal, making him look good to his peers.

At 70 it does not work anymore, my ability to achieve has long passed.

It’s called conditioned love, toxic love in my opinion.

Is it the deterioration of my body, the fusions, the fractures, the nerve killings, or the soft tissue damage that adds to my suffering? Partially, yes.

It is also the emotional toll, the mind’s suffering is what lingers longest.

I can not describe in words the damage I have experienced.

It is too much for me at times.

Am I weak, dad would say a failure?

What do you think?

At 70 does it matter now, damage is done and lived in my case.
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