PTSD feels like FAILURE

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PTSD: Life is full of mood swings, worry etc..

Old age does not mix well with PTSD, same as in childhood, we are vulnerable again.

My dark moments are deep, my PTSD brain senses danger.

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https://unsplash.com/@brett_jordan

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Is it real?

My anxiety levels are heightened, real, or fake.

Inside my head a war is waging.

It’s best if I keep an exhaustive state of action and distraction.

We are in Survival mode again, we withdraw, devote all energy to spotting then combating danger.

We isolate in survival mode, it becomes habit.

All my life I feared failure.

My dad told me I was a failure over and over to push me to perform.

I was supposed to be perfect.

I failed. I did not know as a kid it was impossible.

Lots of rewiring needed at my core, lots of abuse still needs integrating.

Hard to rewrite your failure at 70.
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5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 1:31 pm

    Hard to rewrite the tapes at any age. The older we are the more engrained. The only inroads (as you’ve wisely encouraged) are thru meditation, and in my humble opinion, somatic work. All take an unrelenting, systematic approach.

  2. I did lots of somatic work Rudid96

  3. Still do

  4. Ptsd gets worse as time passes

  5. Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 2:09 pm

    As I age, I recognize the alterations in strength. If I could just bottle what my body has lost and remix it into mental strength maybe the brain wouldn’t be as vulnerable. Nah, but one can dream.

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