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My fears are predominately emotional.
All stem from childhood abuse.
Criticism at home coupled with social humiliation at school damaged me.
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I feared being humiliated in front of people more than death.
Beatings left no stain, the emotional damage felt like permanent ink.
I can not explain that to you, it comes from my gut.
This fear metastasized into social anxiety as a trigger when PTSD exploded.
I have been frozen in place, numb, paralyzed with fear, wanting to escape a group or a crowd, fearing humiliation over death.
That trigger still lives and I avoid it at all costs.
It is from developing no self-worth in childhood, I learned I was damaged goods, flawed at my core.
Certain circumstances bring the Perfect Storm, an enormous trigger, deathly fear, and numbness.
I navigate life around things and people or I suffer.
How do you navigate life?
What happens when all hell breaks loose?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Marty on March 20, 2022 at 7:43 pm
I fear failure, always have since a child. It was best into me
Failure is worse than death
My dad taught me that violently
I played well or answered for it
My whole value as a human being came down to his well played a sport according to my father, the supreme master of my soul
Owner of my being
Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 1:54 pm
Reading “my whole values as a human being came down to playing a sport according to my father.” A ‘SPORT’ is equated to the value of precious human life? How awful! I wonder how the Ukrainian people would respond to that belief?
Posted by Marty on March 21, 2022 at 2:03 pm
That was my only worth
He demanded that like he owned it
Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 2:05 pm
Truly a misguided human wreaking untold havoc!
Posted by Marty on March 21, 2022 at 2:19 pm
A narcissist who’s empathy center did no work
He did not see the damage