My fears are predominately emotional.

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My fears are predominately emotional.

All stem from childhood abuse.

Criticism at home coupled with social humiliation at school damaged me.

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https://unsplash.com/@adamgonzales

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I feared being humiliated in front of people more than death.

Beatings left no stain, the emotional damage felt like permanent ink.

I can not explain that to you, it comes from my gut.

This fear metastasized into social anxiety as a trigger when PTSD exploded.

I have been frozen in place, numb, paralyzed with fear, wanting to escape a group or a crowd, fearing humiliation over death.

That trigger still lives and I avoid it at all costs.

It is from developing no self-worth in childhood, I learned I was damaged goods, flawed at my core.

Certain circumstances bring the Perfect Storm, an enormous trigger, deathly fear, and numbness.

I navigate life around things and people or I suffer.

How do you navigate life?

What happens when all hell breaks loose?
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5 responses to this post.

  1. I fear failure, always have since a child. It was best into me

    Failure is worse than death

    My dad taught me that violently

    I played well or answered for it

    My whole value as a human being came down to his well played a sport according to my father, the supreme master of my soul

    Owner of my being

  2. Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 1:54 pm

    Reading “my whole values as a human being came down to playing a sport according to my father.” A ‘SPORT’ is equated to the value of precious human life? How awful! I wonder how the Ukrainian people would respond to that belief?

  3. That was my only worth

    He demanded that like he owned it

  4. Posted by rudid96 on March 21, 2022 at 2:05 pm

    Truly a misguided human wreaking untold havoc!

  5. A narcissist who’s empathy center did no work

    He did not see the damage

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